BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 This is what I am doing to recover from the loss of a relationship: 1. Deleted ALL messages (both to and from him), photos etc. EVERY SINGLE THING. 2. Blocked on FB, removed # from cell, email from contacts. 3. Do not associate with people he knows. Just casual hello's. 4. Do not drive by his home or office. 5. Do not obsess in writing about him on my blog or with my friends, or here. 6. I pray for him daily. For his happiness. 7. I confess to my inner support group whenever I violate any of the above. I get honest and out myself to release the feelings. Now there are things I do that sometimes involve my seeing him. We are both members of a 12 step fellowship. At first I avoided meetings if I saw his car in the lot. I no longer do that because I need my meetings and I need to grow up and deal with his presence. At this time, he is the one uncomfortable seeing me because I won't be his friend. He is very angry at me but I let that be on him. I also will be going to the same gym as he though at different times. I will not alter the course of my daily life to avoid him unless it is hurtful to me. At this time it is not. I practice all the positive advice given here to the best of my ability because it is sound and I am in need of sound thinking of others. I give myself the gift of NC and detachment because I am so worth it.
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Sounds right on point to me. The only things I would suggest and that's if possible is perhaps attending a different meeting. I understand you perhaps found a home group where you feel extremely comfortable and is helping you grow as a person but not seeing him at all may be conducive for you in the long run. You are very diligent with your approach to this breakup and I can appreciate you militant approach as this approach is needed when it comes to losing a loved one. I commend you once again and keep up the good work! 1
Author BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Thanks JDPT Appreciate your kind words. Actually, I take it a day, a meeting, at a time. If I am in a bad state, I will go to a different meeting. A few days ago I went to our birthday night celebration, a very large meeting in a large room. Before I went in I was shaky. I reached out to a few friends who calmed me and I went in. I submersed myself in the company of friends on one side of the room, he went to the other. I was ok with it. When I left I had no choice but to walk directly in front of him, and I survived! LOL. He, well...let's just say his body language screamed discomfort. He is early in sobriety so his coping skills are unstable. I'm lucky that I have a strong foundation and a loving God. One day at a time. 1
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 That's awesome I'm very proud of you. I surprisingly have not had one drink since my ex dumped roughly 3.5 months ago and I intend to keep it that way. Staying away from it keeps me from making decisions against my better judgement. It's just a shame that I acted so foolish around her (my ex) with alcohol. I recall her telling me once "you are a big boy, you can drink just keep it under control" when she would indulge in other recreational activities but who am I to judge. No need to bring up the past and get upset at it. Staying away from drugs and alcohol is imperative during our break up process, the consumption will only exacerbate our situation. We can all do this together.
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