She thought she was ready - but is she really interested?

[Robertowenthebest]

I hope you don't mind, I'm just going to dive on in and ask...

 

I've been dating a girl for the last few weeks, and it's been great.

 

It's been so romantic - going out for lunch, long walks, long talks, camping, cuddling, making out on the beach, on a picnic blanket in a field, in the back of my Jeep etc etc. I've met all of her good friends and they really like me, and she was really proud of that.

 

She's been riding on a bus for an hour just to come out for me to meet her (on the occasions when I haven't driven out to hers), she's been holding my hand and kissing me whilst I drive, it's all been perfect.

 

Now, she had a small party at her house which we kind of hosted together, and when drunk she asked if I wanted to make our relationship official (I said yes, so long as she did), then accidentally started to say that she loved me (then realised she shouldn't say that so soon, and stopped).

 

I spent the next day with her, and met her sister.

 

Here's where it goes downhill:

 

A day later I got a message saying that she didn't know how to say it, but she realised she wasn't ready to be in a relationship, but does like me.

 

I said we ought to talk about it face to face, so we met up, went for a walk and lunch, but she would hardly talk about it.

I eventually got it out of her, and found out the following:

I already knew she'd recently broken up with a boyfriend, but I hadn't realised that it was only a week before I met her. They’d been going out for over 2 years, although for the last few months things had obviously been rough, and they hadn't really been together properly.

She told me that she thought she was ready for a relationship with me, but now realised she wasn't. She didn't want to mess me around, and didn't know how long it would be before she was ready again, so didn't want me to wait around.

 

I told her that I wouldn't wait (although she knows I’m not the kind of guy to go and find another girl straight away), but if she ever changed her mind or wanted more, just to get in contact. We hugged, I kissed her on the cheek, then she looked upset when we waved goodbye as I drove off.

 

I’m going into my second year of a nearby (1 hour away) university, and she’s just decided she’s having a gap year, which means she’s going to be in the same area, but without any friends (except me) around. The whole time we were dating she was really unsure about this, but finally decided she was staying around, just before she said she wasn't ready. <-- In case that’s of any relevance!

 

Now for the question – does it sound like she really isn't ready, or is she just not interested? I know for a fact that when we were dating it was genuine, and she really did send out strong signals that she really liked me. I can’t help but wonder if her sister made her doubt whether she was ready, as it wasn't until I met her that she changed her tune. I'm also wondering if the fact that she thought she might be going way to university had made her think that she had to rush things, then when she realised we'd both still be around she might have realised that there wasn't a rush after all.

 

My current plan is to see if she contacts me at any point. If she does, great, if not, I’ll wait until I’m around for a little while, in maybe 2-3 months, and see if she wants to meet up. Does that sound right to you guys, or is there something else I should do? I don’t mind being messed around, but does it sound like she might come back to me?

Honestly, I know I'm going to have a hard time not contacting her, so is there any way in which you guys think it might be good to contact her??

 

I look forward to your opinions on all of this, and sorry for the essay!

[Versacehottie]

i feel like she doesn't know what she wants. Give her the space like you said to figure it out. Sounds like you have hung out a lot so i doubt that "she isn't interested in you"....probably a matter of how much, is she ready, does she still have significant feelings for her ex-bf. I'm not sure how much time would be best though 2-3 months sounds right to me. But perhaps some others have some ideas about the time frame. Unfortunately when a person is not ready to move forward, you just have to be patient.

[Woop1337]

Nah she's ready, not just with you. She might say otherwise, but it's her actions that count. She likes you so much, she went ahead and broke up with you. It doesn't make sense.

 

And disregard anything she might have said or done, while she was drunk. She was caught up in the moment.

 

While its true, that she might no be ready. I don't buy it. Neither should you. Stop talking to her for now. She knows your number, and she knows you like her. So let her initiate in the future.

[Robertowenthebest]

Versacehottie, that's what I thought too.

Some people are of the opinion that I was just a rebound, but I really think it was more than that.

 

I think her ex is no longer on the scene, so assuming that, what should be my next move?

I'm going back to university in a month (like I said, only an hour away), and by that time she'll have no friends around here as they'll all have gone to university as well.

 

I told her that I didn't want to fall out of touch with her, and she said that that wouldn't happen.

Should I not contact at all for a while (if so how long!?), or is it a good idea to text every now and then? How long would you guys leave it to contact her??

 

 

EDIT: I felt it necessary to add - over the few weeks, I noticed that she is a very indecisive person, so her not knowing what she wants fits perfectly. I can't help but think that that's why one day, she wasn't ready for a relationship, then by the time we met up to talk about it, she didn't even want to talk about breaking up.

 

I really do think she likes me, I just need to give her some time to make her mind up a little. It's knowing how much time, and how much space, that's the tricky thing. I don't want to pester her, but I equally don't want her to think that I've completely given up on her.

Edited August 27, 2013 by Robertowenthebest

[NateC]

I went through a similar thing and it's definitely hard to know what to do.

 

The key is to be patient and just be there for her. You've shared so much already and I doubt she's "not interested". She's probably still healing from that previous relationship and everyone is different on how they cope. Believe me, I've been friendzoned by this girl and now we're dating again for a second time ...it's been 9 months since we first met.

 

It's worth it in the end.