RBLL Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The sex/guilt trap. This time I was trapped in under a week. Do they teach women to do this? I've seen websites dedicated to teaching women how to trap a man, but it's like every woman is born knowing this.
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 As I've never used sex to trap a man, I'd have to say that no, we aren't taught this. However, your post is missing a lot of context... 1
nescafe1982 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 What is the sex/guilt trap??? +1. I must have played hookie that day in my Ladies Training Class. 2
Author RBLL Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 As I've never used sex to trap a man, I'd have to say that no, we aren't taught this. However, your post is missing a lot of context... You know, the trap where the woman is all interested and likes the guy and after a few months (a week this time for me) she offers him sex. Then when the guy says that accepting the sex didn't mean he necessarily wanted to settle down with her forever, she explodes and tells the guy he's a POS, that he just used her as a whore, that she'll "poison the waters" for him by telling other women about him, and to never contact her again. His natural reaction is to prove he's not a POS, that he's a good guy. So he tells her that he didn't use her just for sex and that he's definitely interested in long term. Bam, the trap is sprung. To get out of it, he needs to become the POS label he's trying to avoid, so he doesn't. I gotta believe most older married couples that I see in Perkins that hardly speak to one another started out this way. A lot of resentment in those faces. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 You know, the trap where the woman is all interested and likes the guy and after a few months (a week this time for me) she offers him sex. Then when the guy says that accepting the sex didn't mean he necessarily wanted to settle down with her forever, she explodes and tells the guy he's a POS, that he just used her as a whore, that she'll "poison the waters" for him by telling other women about him, and to never contact her again. His natural reaction is to tell her he's sorry if she felt misled, but as much as he enjoys her company he isn't looking for a relationship right now. He then moves on with his life, and next time makes sure to tell women up front that he isn't interested in a relationship, before they get into bed. Fixed it for ya. 7
DresdenKing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 You know, the trap where the woman is all interested and likes the guy and after a few months (a week this time for me) she offers him sex. Then when the guy says that accepting the sex didn't mean he necessarily wanted to settle down with her forever, she explodes and tells the guy he's a POS, that he just used her as a whore, that she'll "poison the waters" for him by telling other women about him, and to never contact her again. His natural reaction is to prove he's not a POS, that he's a good guy. So he tells her that he didn't use her just for sex and that he's definitely interested in long term. Bam, the trap is sprung. To get out of it, he needs to become the POS label he's trying to avoid, so he doesn't. I gotta believe most older married couples that I see in Perkins that hardly speak to one another started out this way. A lot of resentment in those faces. Always stand your ground. Next time a woman threatens to poison those proverbial waters, go ahead and let her. Not only will those other women become curious to try and crack this unattainable bad boy's thick shell that this bitter chick failed to get her to fall in love with, you'll also then subsequently witness that initial gossiping woman come back to you when she sees the others giving you attention. Don't buckle under the pressure out of fear, it reeks of insecurity... and if confidence is the most attractive quality in a man, you know what that makes insecurity. 1
nescafe1982 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 OP do you tell these women that you're not relationship material before you bed them?
Author RBLL Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 That's great and all, but I DID tell her I was a dating rookie and not looking to settle down. She was my first date since my divorce 2 years ealier, and she knew that too. Things were so great at the start, but now it's lousy. I don't know how to deal with the resentment. Any ideas?
todreaminblue Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 i am ashamed to admit this but I paid for a how to get your ex back thing ebook or whatever it is....i read just past two pages and thought it was utter crap, and made me cringe, it wasnt about sex though i think it helped to actually turn me off getting my ex back.....thats irony...insert smile here........so i am actually glad i bought it but ashamed to admit it...irony again.....smiles...... there is no way to trap a man who doesnt want to be trapped........if a man falls for a woman...he has to want to ....its called a choice....blaming others when you yourself decided to have sex and enjoyed it...hmmmmmmm...irony again...smiles.. solution.....dont choose to have sex hence no trap ...your choice................deb
DresdenKing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 That's great and all, but I DID tell her I was a dating rookie and not looking to settle down. She was my first date since my divorce 2 years ealier, and she knew that too. Things were so great at the start, but now it's lousy. I don't know how to deal with the resentment. Any ideas? You did your part by letting her know you're not looking to settle down and recently got out of a divorce. Deal with her resentment by realizing that's just her own form of defense mechanism after getting rejected. Why does her opinion of you matter so much? Let it go and continue living your life, you'll be even more sought after if you do believe me. Much better than the effects of compromising. 1
nescafe1982 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 If you told her you're not interested in commitment and she still went to bed with you, hoping to change your mind, her resentment and anger are on her, not you. Stop seeing her (if you haven't already) and move on to someone who wants what you do. Unfortunately, if you want NSA sex this kind of drama tends to be par for the course. The most you can do is be upfront about your intentions and distance yourself from women who think they can "change" you. 1
Author RBLL Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 If you told her you're not interested in commitment and she still went to bed with you, hoping to change your mind, her resentment and anger are on her, not you. Stop seeing her (if you haven't already) and move on to someone who wants what you do. Unfortunately, if you want NSA sex this kind of drama tends to be par for the course. The most you can do is be upfront about your intentions and distance yourself from women who think they can "change" you. Sorry, looks like I wasn't communicating clearly. I'm the one with resentment, not her. This is my third relationship. My last ex left so I could learn to be a man in the bedroom, so when I was offered sex I took it to get experience. When things were hot, all was well. Now it's mostly dead. We're engaged. I don't feel there's even a point in setting a date. I guess I'll just play it by ear. Thanks guys.
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 If you told her you're not interested in commitment and she still went to bed with you, hoping to change your mind, her resentment and anger are on her, not you. Stop seeing her (if you haven't already) and move on to someone who wants what you do. Unfortunately, if you want NSA sex this kind of drama tends to be par for the course. The most you can do is be upfront about your intentions and distance yourself from women who think they can "change" you. Also, no need to blame the other 3.49 billion of us who have never done that. 2
nescafe1982 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Sorry, looks like I wasn't communicating clearly. I'm the one with resentment, not her. This is my third relationship. My last ex left so I could learn to be a man in the bedroom, so when I was offered sex I took it to get experience. When things were hot, all was well. Now it's mostly dead. We're engaged. I don't feel there's even a point in setting a date. I guess I'll just play it by ear. Thanks guys. I'm confused. You're divorced, right? And you're first girlfriend after the divorce left you so you could "get sexual experience"? And this third woman was going to provide you with that experience? Do I have that right? Who are you resenting, exactly? The woman who left you so you could get experience? Or the one you slept with to get that experience? In any case, if you want something different than the person you're having sex with, that's not a recipe for success. Once it becomes clear you want X and they want Y, it's time to move on. edited to add: wait... now you're engaged too? I thought you weren't looking to settle down. This post needs more context.
Author RBLL Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I'm confused. You're divorced, right? And you're first girlfriend after the divorce left you so you could "get sexual experience"? And this third woman was going to provide you with that experience? Do I have that right? Who are you resenting, exactly? The woman who left you so you could get experience? Or the one you slept with to get that experience? In any case, if you want something different than the person you're having sex with, that's not a recipe for success. Once it becomes clear you want X and they want Y, it's time to move on. edited to add: wait... now you're engaged too? I thought you weren't looking to settle down. This post needs more context. Okay, more context.. Yes, I'm divorced twice now. This is my third relationship. My second wife left me and told me to date a lot and learn to "do the man thing" in the bedroom, as she put it. I met a woman 2 years later who used the sex/guilt trap on me, like both wives had done. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I do love her, but I still resent her trapping me when she knew I was just starting to date for the first time. It was selfish of her, since she had dated dozens of guys but I had just walked in to the buffet. I need to get rid of that feeling somehow.
nescafe1982 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Okay, more context.. Yes, I'm divorced twice now. This is my third relationship. My second wife left me and told me to date a lot and learn to "do the man thing" in the bedroom, as she put it. I met a woman 2 years later who used the sex/guilt trap on me, like both wives had done. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I do love her, but I still resent her trapping me when she knew I was just starting to date for the first time. It was selfish of her, since she had dated dozens of guys but I had just walked in to the buffet. I need to get rid of that feeling somehow. Ah, okay. I get it now. I think you need to understand that this is only a "trap" if you consent to staying in a relationship you don't want. If you a) told her what your intentions were before going to bed, and b) she is trying to pressure you into a relationship anyway, these are her issues coming to the fore. You need to stop messing with this woman if she wants something different than you. If you're resenting her because you want to keep seeing her without committing to her, then you need to check your expectations. If you have stopped seeing her completely and are feeling resentful of her anyway (like after the fact), then give it time and understand that when you look for NSA sex this kind of drama sometimes happens. People are prone to getting involved in these kinds of liaisons, thinking they'll be okay with it, and then finding out their feelings are involved. It happens. 1
DresdenKing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) Sorry, looks like I wasn't communicating clearly. I'm the one with resentment, not her. This is my third relationship. My last ex left so I could learn to be a man in the bedroom, so when I was offered sex I took it to get experience. When things were hot, all was well. Now it's mostly dead. We're engaged. I don't feel there's even a point in setting a date. I guess I'll just play it by ear. Thanks guys. +1 on confusion. Your ex left you because you weren't sexually experienced enough? Why didn't her highness let you practice with her and get you up to speed? (Probably because she was cheating on you at the time with someone she considered to be more of a "man", says the snarky voice in my head). But seriously, surely there must have been more to that breakup. Anyway, please clarify why you harbor resentment and to whom, and what you mean by being engaged so there's no point in setting a date. My brain hurts. EDIT: Did not see above post. I echo nescafe's sentiments. Edited August 27, 2013 by DresdenKing
NXS Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Okay, more context.. Yes, I'm divorced twice now. This is my third relationship. My second wife left me and told me to date a lot and learn to "do the man thing" in the bedroom, as she put it. I met a woman 2 years later who used the sex/guilt trap on me, like both wives had done. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I do love her, but I still resent her trapping me when she knew I was just starting to date for the first time. It was selfish of her, since she had dated dozens of guys but I had just walked in to the buffet. I need to get rid of that feeling somehow. You're not trapped at all, just tell her you're no longer interested and move on. Don't let anyone guilt you into a relationship.
Maleficent Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 You know, the trap where the woman is all interested and likes the guy and after a few months (a week this time for me) she offers him sex. Then when the guy says that accepting the sex didn't mean he necessarily wanted to settle down with her forever, she explodes and tells the guy he's a POS, that he just used her as a whore, that she'll "poison the waters" for him by telling other women about him, and to never contact her again. His natural reaction is to prove he's not a POS, that he's a good guy. So he tells her that he didn't use her just for sex and that he's definitely interested in long term. Bam, the trap is sprung. To get out of it, he needs to become the POS label he's trying to avoid, so he doesn't. I gotta believe most older married couples that I see in Perkins that hardly speak to one another started out this way. A lot of resentment in those faces. Congrats, you were manipulated by a crazy bitch. Now dump her and move on. The more she bitches and complains, the more she'll look like the crazy bitch that she is. Oh, and don't do the same mistake again...
runningfar Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Okay, more context.. Yes, I'm divorced twice now. This is my third relationship. My second wife left me and told me to date a lot and learn to "do the man thing" in the bedroom, as she put it. I met a woman 2 years later who used the sex/guilt trap on me, like both wives had done. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I do love her, but I still resent her trapping me when she knew I was just starting to date for the first time. It was selfish of her, since she had dated dozens of guys but I had just walked in to the buffet. I need to get rid of that feeling somehow. How in the world is she trapping you? If you don't want to be with her, don't be with her. Trust me, women aren't looking for someone to do us a favor and marry us and resent us for something we didn't even do. Be an adult. Make your choices. Own your choices. It's not her fault who you dated or did not date and it is NOT her responsibility to decide whether you've played the field enough or not. She probably assumes you don't even think that way, because you don't if you love somebody. I think I see why the divorces keep happening and you need to just be an adult about your decisions that YOU make 1
TigerCub Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 You say that your 2 previous wives trapped you in that same way. I think if you have any anger and resentment it should be directed at yourself for failing to learn a lesson. People choose where they want to be, quit blaming you anger on others and own your part in all of this.
Author RBLL Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 +1 on confusion. Your ex left you because you weren't sexually experienced enough? Why didn't her highness let you practice with her and get you up to speed? (Probably because she was cheating on you at the time with someone she considered to be more of a "man", says the snarky voice in my head). But seriously, surely there must have been more to that breakup. Anyway, please clarify why you harbor resentment and to whom, and what you mean by being engaged so there's no point in setting a date. My brain hurts. The ex wife wasn't cheating on me, she was just used to skilled, experienced men. She was tired of feeling like she was teaching a high school student, so she left me. (She did say she felt we would rejoin some years down the road, but I don't see that happening.) It's easy to say "don't be guilted into a relationship", but much harder to do when you're deperately lonely. I found the solution: forget the past. There is no yesterday, it never happened. If it doesn't even exist, there is no source of resentment or regret. Tomorrow may or may not happen. That just leaves today, right now. Live for now! I'm here till the fun ends, then I'm on to the next life. I'll give it a few years. Make the most of today!!
curlygirl40 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Okay, more context.. Yes, I'm divorced twice now. This is my third relationship. My second wife left me and told me to date a lot and learn to "do the man thing" in the bedroom, as she put it. I met a woman 2 years later who used the sex/guilt trap on me, like both wives had done. I wasn't looking for a relationship. I do love her, but I still resent her trapping me when she knew I was just starting to date for the first time. It was selfish of her, since she had dated dozens of guys but I had just walked in to the buffet. I need to get rid of that feeling somehow. You do know you can date girls without marrying them right?? It sounds like you lack self confidence to know when a relationship isn't working for you and that it's o.k for you to leave. You're not trapped. You got yourself into another relationship when you weren't ready, so you will repeat your same mistakes. This isn't her fault. I think some soul searching is in order here. Decide what you want and then do that. 1
Author RBLL Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 You do know you can date girls without marrying them right?? It sounds like you lack self confidence to know when a relationship isn't working for you and that it's o.k for you to leave. You're not trapped. You got yourself into another relationship when you weren't ready, so you will repeat your same mistakes. This isn't her fault. I think some soul searching is in order here. Decide what you want and then do that. Thanks. She and I broke up last winter for 2 months but couldn't stand being apart and so we got back together. We're both in our 50's, and no woman wants to date a man my age who's just learning how it works. I didn't know what the rules were or what's allowed, so I accepted the sex even though the warning bells were in my head. So, yes I kinda am trapped here, engaged forever. I'm hoping the sex will return. I'll stick around for a while, then try my luck in the next world.
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