nica71 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hey guys, So I just broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago. We had been together for about two and a half years but had known each other for four. We were both unhappy, not because of bad things we were doing to each other, but because we couldn't understand each other. The split ended up being mutual, although I was the one that instigated it. Since the break up I've been doing as well as one can; I've been spending time alone as well as with friends, taking care of myself, and not contacting him. He's tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I told him that it would be best if we don't talk for now to help us get through the break up. Problem is, we were really each other's best friend and while I understand not talking to him is beneficial, there is one thing coming up in his life that I want to be there for. In mid October he is opening a bar he's been working on with his friend for a very long time. They're having an opening party and I really want to stop by just to support him, see all of our friends, and just be there to be encouraging. I don't have any intention of seeing him more after that or trying to rekindle anything. He said when we broke up that he wanted me to come and I said I would, but I'm not really sure if it's the best idea. It's about a month and a half away so I feel like that's a good amount of time, but I'm not sure. What do you guys think?
Soat Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 If you have to ask you already know the answer. Heck no.
CBKBM Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Ok, I am going to fly in the face of every bit of advice that is given on this board. Here's my personal belief on the matter: There are only a few people in the world that are going to care about you deeply. It is absolutely tragic when someone like that is forcibly taken from you, permanently, without your choice (as in death). So, at least to me, to discard that gift is senseless and wasteful. That said, YOU COME FIRST. Safeguard your emotional welfare, and if that means not going, then definitely don't go. But you shouldn't reject the possibility of friendship just because of principle.
JDPT Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 There will always be that one last thing you will like to say or do and round and round the vicious cycle goes. You being there is completely irrelevant if anything it will be detrimental for you. This is survival now and he is a big boy he can handle opening up his own business by himself he actually already has the support of his business partner for that. Subconsciously you will like to used this opening as an excuse to see him when reality is that the only thing you should be committed to is NC which will be with you and help you during your most difficult moments. You don't need to do this, once again be strong and remain in control.
karpeezy Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 That said, YOU COME FIRST. Safeguard your emotional welfare, and if that means not going, then definitely don't go. But you shouldn't reject the possibility of friendship just because of principle. Definitely agree with CBKBM. You have until October, that's plenty of time. I'd say hold off until much closer to the event, and decide then. Who knows what your feelings will be then. Maybe you will feel better about going, and will be able to handle it. Maybe you won't, honestly, only time will tell.... And OP, I'm in a similar situation ... my ex and I have baseball playoffs starting soon. I already decided I am not emotionally able to handle going this week. I have people telling me to go, to see him, to show how strong I am next week. And I have people saying heck no, stay away. I don't know how I'll feel next week, and I'll decide then. I'd suggest you do the same, give it time, and decide then. Good luck!
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