bigfineazz Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 soooo...sorry if this is long is but here goes Two years ago Husband admitted to 8 month long affair with coworker ..she gave him chlymdia..i got nothing but did have a miscarriage shortly thereafter...we rug swept the sitatuition not knowing any better moved on ..fast forward last month he admits to paying for prostitutees for the last year...were there clues ...yep...could i catch him..no....am i pissed..yep...we have two childre. 5 and 11 months old....we have been in marital counselin gthe last year so he basically been gas lighting me for a year..because he knew he has been doiing this crap..he has had a problem with porn for years...i am ready for a divorce...i got laid of from work a year ago when i was pregnant then got sick in jan...my credit has when to crap...jsut got notified my last working credit card is closed...i am at my end ....i want him gone...nothing is changing at counseling,...he blames me for everytihng..because i argued about household chores he had to stick his wang in whores...that makes no sense....i could live with my parents but im 31 my 34 year old brother is already there...its too much....i went and got tested..he STILL HASNT....but HE CLAIMS HE WANTS HIS MARRIAGE....i am not crazy....he isnt taking this seriously is he? I want out i start grad school tonight and want to take my refund check and file for divorce i live in lousiana and the divorce laws suck...seperate residences for a year if you have children and with no job and messed up credit i have no idea what to do....right now i am depending on him for money...but i cant stand him he is making me sick every day....i see him
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare. My ex was similar in his cheating behavior. I finally gave on him. All he knows how to do is lie and lie and lie, and then lie some more. The sick thing is, he does love me in his twisted mind. I don't know about divorce laws but I will suggest you find a COSA meeting in your area, or attend a phone meeting if there aren't any arround. The women in that group are all dealing with similar situations and can help give you some support. They may also be able to direct you towards some resources in your state for getting an attorney and navigating a divorce. One thing I have learned this year is that there are a lot of people willing to help, if you start asking. It's going to be a rough road and I can't tell you how much I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you it will be better... It just won't get better for awhile but if you stay strong and do what you know is right it will work out better in the long run. He's been messing with your head and your heart for a long time. Best of luck to you, you don't deserve any of this and I'm so sorry it's happening.
Spark1111 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Well...get your credit in order....and start planning a future with or without him. it is your life, your choices, your future. Get a job, get a degree, get on your feet, get stronger. As long as you act like a financial victim with no choices but to stay with this paycheck....he will continue to use and abuse and treat you like a doormat. He ASSUMES you have no other choices, are trapped and dependent, and he is selfish so he will exploit that. Only you can prove him wrong on that count. make a plan, reach a goal and decide NOT to decide until you feel stronger..... Get going. What are you waiting for? YOU have to rescue YOU and your children. No one else is going to do that for you. 1
jnel921 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 So sorry you are going through this. I can tell you that from my own experience over 16 years ago, You will be ok. My Ex H was a pathological liar and couldn't keep his lies straight. We were in counseling and he too blamed me for his bad choices and behavior. When he left I had a 1 year old and was 4 moths pregnant. I was living in an apartment and had $182 to my name. Shortly thereafter I had to file for Bankruptcy and start rebuilding my credit. Being alone with my kids gave me the most amazing strength. They were my focus and purpose for improving my life. I have to say things got so much better for me. I now own my own home, have 2 cars, 2 dogs as well as my 2 kids who are teens and will be graduating soon. My credit score is 825, Financial situations shouldn't be a reason to stay it should be the reason for you to improve. It's times like this that should empower you to do better and become better. My second H cheated, we are reconciled, but if I chose to leave I would have had no problems doing that or supporting myself and my kids. I made sure after my first M and the situation I was left in taught me and inspired me to work harder for my kids. At that point I promised myself I would never be in that kind of financial situation again. Those things that cannot kill us only makes us stronger! 1
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