JohnZ622 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 At the end of last year, I met a girl in our common student residence. I guess you can say it was love at first sight because I was awe-struck with her the first time I saw her in the cafeteria. Eventually I got close to her and we started talking more. I asked her on coffee and we went on 2-3 such casual dates. To make a long story short, I brought on the question of relationship and she gave me the "I would us to be just friends" speech. I have to admit I was utterly devastated. Worst part of it was, I just didn't understand how someone can have such a hold over me in such a short period. I did the no contact thing and haven't spoken to her since April. I finished graduate school and moved across the country. For some reason, I still dream and think about her occasionally. For example, last night I had some weird dream involving me holding a notebook with her handwriting and feeling really sad over it. This morning I got up and feel pretty ****ty. This just....does......not.......make.......sense. I just want to press the "delete" button.
aw_1187 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hi John, I can really relate to this. I met a girl last week who started at my local - we hit it off straight away and ended up going out for a few drinks and then back to my place for the night. The next couple of days where spot on - we were texting and meeting up all the time - then she goes distant and decides that she doesn't want a relationship and friendzoned me - which to an extent is worse as I would rather have nothing to do with her rather than see her happy. I am gutted as we really clicked and I am thinking about her all the time. Only thing you can do mate is pick yourself up and try and crack on - I have just booked a weekend break for myself to get my head from out of my arse! Good luck and let me know how you get on.
Soat Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 If you want a relationship don't have sex so fast. Get to know the person. Sex confuses things and makes it a whole other thing. Just saying... 1
aw_1187 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Soat, Completley agree. I have just read your article under your tag, brilliant! I know some people dont agree with it, but I think it is a good guide to help get through a breakup.
Soat Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Soat, Completley agree. I have just read your article under your tag, brilliant! I know some people dont agree with it, but I think it is a good guide to help get through a breakup. Thanks I appreciate it. There is a lot of cuddling and hand holding here, when for me the fundamental thing is this person said they don't want you! I know it sucks, but fact is have some pride and go find someone who does want you!
aw_1187 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Its the only thing you can do - no point sitting their analysing what might or might not be. I think that people have to understand that you cannot force someone to be with you, the only thing you can do is man up and crack on. 1
Author JohnZ622 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I wasn't physically intimate with this girl. I'm usually the slow conservative type of guy.
mea_M Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Hi John, My goodness your just human after all. This woman captured your heart for one reason or another the feeling perhaps was not quite mutual. That hurts. It truly does. And its normal to still think of her. The question is how long do you allow the feelings to keep you sort of stuck? That is up to you. Honestly, if this is like trying to get blood from a stone then move forward by means of distraction. A hobby, a friend, or even another love interest. No need to feel bad. Who wants to feel that way? You can do it. Mea
Author JohnZ622 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Yea it's been like 8 months now well 4 months since I last spoke/saw her. I still feel very strongly about her when I think of her. I also don't feel driven/motivated to go out and date. I just don't like the girls out there for some reason. She's just really special. It's the way she giggles and laughs that really gets me. Hi John, My goodness your just human after all. This woman captured your heart for one reason or another the feeling perhaps was not quite mutual. That hurts. It truly does. And its normal to still think of her. The question is how long do you allow the feelings to keep you sort of stuck? That is up to you. Honestly, if this is like trying to get blood from a stone then move forward by means of distraction. A hobby, a friend, or even another love interest. No need to feel bad. Who wants to feel that way? You can do it. Mea
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 If you want a relationship don't have sex so fast. Get to know the person. Sex confuses things and makes it a whole other thing. Just saying... I am starting to really subscribe to this philosophy. I have had many a RS that starts fast, with lots of physical interaction. And then dies after some time (weeks, months or years). I think the next girl I really like, I am going to hold out for at least a month and see where it leads. Problem is, I always seem to bring out the sexual side of women. You'd think that would be great, but when looking long term, as I am now, it isn't such a positive. Maybe I am just the kind of guy that women want to f*ck and then split. Damn! Role reversal is a b*tch... Seriously though
Misfortune Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I don't think you ever forget something that's had a large impact in your life. It gets easier each day until thinking about it no longer pains you, it's the best we can do. I still recall my 1st relationship from high school even though I don't really care to. It just happens, things that happen that trigger memories from our past whether we like them or not. 1
Cbbwink Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Sounds like your trying to fill something in your life and your using this girl to do it. If you want to find peace and happiness you can't obsess over a girl. You need to fill that void with something else. Try something new, embrace or find your passion, come on have a dream! Fill your self with more than this one girl. 1
Brown-Eyez Posted September 1, 2013 Posted September 1, 2013 I am starting to really subscribe to this philosophy. I have had many a RS that starts fast, with lots of physical interaction. And then dies after some time (weeks, months or years). I'm struggling with this also, I'm a very physical person and really enjoy all the great hugging & kissing & other stuff, so I know that if I do try again, I will have to hold back on one of the places that brings me great pleasure cuz maybe, just maybe I might be able to have a real chance with someone for longer than a few weeks or months, the years thing though, I think that involves a whole lot more than just not getting physical initially..
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