jamie2002 Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 It is really nice to come on this site and see i am not the only one with a broken heart.. It does feel like i am alone and even though my friends try and make things better they are just not where i am at in my head right now.. ok so here is my story and any feed back would be great ..i am just venting and just want to tell my story to anyone that wants to listen. I was with my ex for a year and a half.. He broke if off 3 months ago because he was mad that i was mad that he traveled all the time without me.. He is in law school part time at night and works in the day and really our weekends were all that we had to spend real time together and he would want to go travel all over because his work paid for it once a month he would go without me, and then once a week he wanted to hang out with his friends also.. so i felt neglected that he would rather spend time out of town than home with me because i couldn't go because i only have two weeks off a year from work .. i also spent new years without him because he wanted to go skiining with his uncle.. We were dating before he started law school and he traveled then but it wasn't as bad because we had a lot more time together... so that was his reason for the break up.. i couldn't believe that he broke things off because of that.. so after the break up he called and emailed and wanted to continue to talk and that he missed me etc... well i finally had to tell him that i wanted nc anymore that it was to hard for me that way..so i told him that i couldn't talk to him anymore..so a week went by and he said that he wanted to talk about things and see if we can work it out.. He came to my house and we talked .. well he saw me 4 times in that month that he was wanting to work it out he always had something else to do or he was again out of town with friends while i was home wondering what he wanted... he said he wanted to ease back into things and see.. so finally we had a good talk and i thought things were going on a good path he even wanted for us to get some help because we do not communicate well and we knew we needed help so i was excited that he would say that.. well he was going out of town again to see some friends which he pre planned before we were trying to work things out and the next day i got an email from him that he saw my profile on a dating site that one of his friends sent him .. I called him to tell him that it was nothing and the only reason it was there was because my friends were giving me an ego boost because i was so sad and they wanted to show me that other guys are interested also i thought i took it down a while back when he wanted to work it out but i guess it didn't work.. i never did anything or went out with anyone..so he didnt pick up the phone and it went to voicemail ... he didnt call me all weekend and let me be sad over something that wasn't anything..i never gave him a reason to think anything when we were together i was so faithful and a really good girlfriend to him.. so we fought over email for a week i fought because i felt he was playing games and he did because of the profile .. so finally we went to dinner and he wasn't that nice really... i asked him if he thought about things and he said it was hard to think positive when he felt no connection anymore... I told him that we haven't spent any real time together or anything and he said that he thought it should be just instant.. after us fighting and everything i don't know how it could be instant but that was in his head..so from that point on i didn't know what to say just two weeks before that he was telling me he loved me etc... so there was very little conversation at dinner and we went to my place and i was crying and so upset that he would tell me that so i said before he left that he was the one who put the distance between us and he didn't even try to work things out and i slammed the door.... I just don't understand why he acted like that when he was the one who wanted to work it out... it has been 6 weeks and i haven't contacted him in any way and he hasn't either... his bday was 5 days after that fight and i didn't call him.. i couldn't i was so angry that he put me on a string for a month and then dumped me again... i am just trying to move forward with my life day by day.. It just hurts a lot and i think it is sad that he ended it for that reason... i was there for him through all the ups and downs and his travel and everything and he just doesn't care i guess.. i just hope someday that he will regret what he did... so that is my story ...
Scott S Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Hello Jamie. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like he is not at a point in his life where he's ready to commit to a relationship. You don't say how old you each are, but I surmise that you're in your early-mid 20's. A very wide range of maturity levels, school obligations, lack of direction in life, & a host of other issues at that age can make relationships difficult. That doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. A love relationship takes work - a lot of work, & some people are not willing/able to put forth that kind of effort at that stage of their lives. Good communication & quality time together are very important. Without them, it's hard to have the coupleness mindset that's so important. Apparently, other things are a higher priority for him right now. I assume he has his reasons, & again that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, just not suitable for a relationship right now. I would agree that he should have been above-board with his feelings as opposed to stringing you along like that, but... I know it's hard getting over a relationship. It takes time, & there are good days & bad days. I hope you have friends & family around you that can provide emotional support. Cultivate other friendships & interests. In other words, live your life & try to enjoy it. I'm glad you found this board. Hope the advice is helpful. We can chat anytime you wish! Take Care!
Author jamie2002 Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 Thank you Scott for responding.. I am 31 he is 29... and i guess you are right he just doesn't want to make me a priority in his life and would rather leave the relationship than work it out.. very sad but i guess that is the way it goes.. thanks again i know i will get through it with time...
Scott S Posted November 14, 2004 Posted November 14, 2004 A hard thing to accept, of course. Unfortunate that you invested as much time as you did, fortunate that you didn't waste more than you did. There are men who do want a love relationship, & are willing to put in the requsite time & effort to make it work. You still are relatively young. It's not hopeless. I was 34 when I met my wife, she was 36. When we married, I was 36 & she was 38. Next May will be our 9th anniversary.
Author jamie2002 Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 Well congrads to you and your wife.. Yes it hurts a lot that i gave this person so much of me and trusted him and us that he would stick it out.. Now i am taking a big break from dating for a while and just thinking about me and surround myself with my friends since my family lives away from here.. I know in my heart that i gave it everything i had and never gave up so i can walk away with that and feel good about it.. Hopefully in time i will get my happy ending like you.. And i will find a guy that will not give up when times are tough and want to put the effort in and have a loving relationship.. I guess i still have time to find this and still have babies even though i always wanted them younger i guess things always seem to change when you try to plan your life... So i am just going to walk the path i am on and not worry about when i will meet someone great.. If i worry it is not going to happen any faster and i am the one that stays sad.. Thanks again for replying and your advice... and good luck to you also ..it sounds like you found your happiness and that is great...
Scott S Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 Originally posted by jamie2002 Now i am taking a big break from dating for a while and just thinking about me and surround myself with my friends since my family lives away from here. I think you're getting the idea. Take some "you time." Cultivate other interests & friendships. True, lasting love grows out of friendship, & often takes a while. When my ex left, I was approximately 1100 miles from my family, some 5 states distant. Although I did have friends there, I really needed to be back with my family in my "homeland," & therefore relocated. After several years of healing, I met Gina in a Bible study group at our church. We became friends, & started dating about a year later, then engaged, then married. Funny, but it doesn't seem that long ago. At the time I returned to Wisconsin, my nephew was an infant. Now he's almost 13, & as large as I am!
Author jamie2002 Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 I guess the hardest part to hear was after over a year he tells me he has no connection to me anymore when just two weeks before he was telling me how much he missed and loved me.. No connection to me after so long that still hurts to think about now..It feels like our whole relationship meant nothing to him .. and i was so good to him and that is what i got .... I guess this is just another life lesson for me and it wasn't meant to be.. I am tired of kissing frogs lol.. but hopefully all this heartache will pay off someday and i will get a good guy that i know i deserve.. With the holidays coming it is hard seeing all the happy couples bad timing i guess.. but i will just look at those happy couples and know that one day i will have that again and one day i will love again and being in love is the best thing in the world..
Scott S Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 You sound like a very sweet person. I am quite certain that in due time you will meet a nice man who will love & cherish you, & make for a wonderful relationship.
Author jamie2002 Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 Thank you for saying that.. i hope one day you are right..
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