opinionlover Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I've been in a relationship for a year, we had an awkward start as i had just left an 8 year relationship to be with this new woman. Of course a few problems followed because I didn't ever really grieve for the end of my first relationship and became distracted/a little selfish at times in my new one even though I was extremely happy in it. My new partner must have sensed something and kept being disappointed with me but I thought she was being unfair, it started to feel like she was always on my case and she kept leaving me then getting back with me and then leaving.. it felt like we were constantly arguing and i started to feel like it was hopeless, that I couldn't make her happy and i thought her behaviours were irrational and although they hurt me a great deal at first I started to come to expect it and would resent the way that she was with me. Anyway, we split a fortnight ago for the last time at her request, i tried to get her back to no avail and two days later i was hurting a lot and ended up fooling around with some random in a bar. She found out about it and went crazy at me, understandably. She said we would never get back together. I decided I really wanted to be with her and could understand her pain, so i kept trying, I wrote her a letter trying to explain, i went to see her numerous times etc and she was angry so we would end up arguing at first, even though i took the full blame. The problem is that over the last week she has met up with me almost every day and in my efforts to win her back, has allowed me to be affectionate with her, and has been extremely caring and loving back to me. we hold hands in the street and she would cuddle me and comfort me if I was upset, but she would still say that we were just friends now. it got to the point where two days ago I met her after a night out and she came back to my house, nothing happened but we fooled around in the morning and spent the following day/night at hers, without any sex, just loving one another. it felt great as i thought that she was starting to consider giving me another chance. Then i spent all day yesterday with her and some friends and she made reference to us just being friends a few times, i felt desperate for everything to be back to normal... but it wasn't, we went out for a few drinks as a group in the evening and once we got home i was desperate for her to want me again and show me that everything was alright, but she was just the opposite. When I felt this as we lay in bed I had a breakdown where I must have said some things that I never wanted to. About how i know that she can see how much I want her and that she is stringing me along etc.. I felt like she was punishing me with no intention of ever taking me back, even though she could see how much I was hurting, she was giving me false hope. i felt like my mind was racing and I lost it a little, i don't fully remember what happened, i just know that i tried to leave the house and drive home, but she stopped me. She called my sister at 2am to try and talk some sense in to me and i felt like I didn't want to exist anymore. I must have told her this at some point because she became worried about me as well as angry with me. I feel like I have had some sort of irrational breakdown where I have ruined any chance of getting her back because i was impatient. This morning i left early as she left for work and she had called me sister and housemate who have both been on the phone to me checking i'm ok. But the truth is that I'm not. i want this woman back and I want her to trust me again and I want everything to be normal and I feel terribly deppreseed, like the roles have reversed, at first i thought she was a little crazy with irrational behaviour, while i was completley sane with rational thoughts, and as a result of all of this the roles have shifted. I actually feel like I'm about to enter a deep depression, I can't stop crying and I can't stop hoping. She said she is going to come and see me after work, to say that we shouldn't see each other anymore. What can i do when she comes over to make her change her mind, if anything?
Soat Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Accept that there isn't anything more you can do. She knows you want to work on things, she knows you apologized, at this point she's decided and you can't make her be with you again. Frankly this sounds like an absolute mess on both sides. I think its for the best you both move on. 1
barky2 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 OK ya , you need some time away. You need to dig deep to reconcile the feelings of your previous relationship. You need a breath, and so does she. The more you push, the further shell go. So flip the script on her. When she comes over, don't let her say a word. Say hey listen I think its best that we take some time apart. But you actually have to do it tho. You guys need space for a few. Let her know you need to work on things in your own head. Leave it all on the table before she walks out. That way there will be no what ifs blah blah and you can start proper nc. Barky 2
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