6 months in still pain.

[DmxDex]

I got with my ex 5 years ago and i did like her from the start. She fell quickly for me aswell. Problem is i had issues with depression and anixety. After a year she fell pregnant. I got excited and wanted to have a baby with her, after 4.5 months she had a miscarriage. After the miscarriage she was crushed and, wanted to get pregnant quickly again. I didnt as the stress really triggered off my undiagnosed adhd at the time, so i was really depressed and lost my job which caused further stress and arguments.

 

I told her i will get her pregnant in 6 or 7 months hoping she would settle down to which she didnt. I did beg her to get help and talk to her parents but she didnt, very stubborn.

 

So she got pregnant, this time i wasnt like i was before, alot more apprehensious and worried.

 

Really soon she became distant, i didnt have a job at the time , but could give her money from my benefits. She didnt seem to really ask for it, and would get her mum and dad to buy alot of the stuff for us, i did want to help out and be their for her, but she kept me at arms lenth from her mum and dad.

 

In the end i felt pushed away and just started going to the gym and doing my own thing, just felt under lots of stress. By 6 months she got her new flat, i helped paint with her and some of her family. But again she seemed distance not wanting to have physical contact, and arguments.

 

I did have 2 jobs in 9 months however they didnt last because one being temp and the other wasnt promised what i was told with work.

 

I never slept round her flat at night because of the tension, i was putting it down to her hormones and stuff. When we had sex and she couldnt do the deep she cried alot and i tried comforting her.

 

When she went into labour i was by her side for the whole 48 hours of it.

 

When my daughter was born evie, i felt love i never had ever felt. My love for my ex even became so much stronger.

 

After 1 month of my daughter being born my ex dumped me crushing to me pieces. I went into major depression and anxiety and it seems as if i had mini breakdown but didnt show it around her and evie.

 

I had to keep going to her flat to see evie every 3 days of the week. I tried to get back with steph and pleaded and tried sleeping over, i like doing the night feeds and it just felt like a family. But she was very nasty to me and spoke to me like crap and blamed me for the breakup saying i wasnt their for her enough didnt have a job or help out finacially which i tried to but felt pushed out.

 

After evie was born i was giving her 100 pounds a month which is alot.

 

For the next 2 or 3 months i got her flowers and tried talking about moving in to which she really didnt give a yes or no to it felt as if i had to take the initative which isnt right as it should be me and her. I again brought up moving in by saying i would be a stay at home dad. But again no real response.

 

She decided to give it a go and see how we go, me going on at her at the time. So the last 2 years was a nightmare at times. She blew hot and cold, would want hugs and sometimes sex, and talk about getting a house and family, problem was the breakup messed me up, and i had no confidence and felt worthless and low self esteem. I was in therapy and trying a host of pills which i wish i didnt too time into.

 

I was very angry the last few years because of the break up and because i wasnt getting from her what i wanted.

 

And it resulted in arguments, she would cry alot and plead with me not to leave and that she should try couples therapy to which i would tell her we needed alot but she never made any effort.

 

We never went out as a family when i wanted to, she would just always be tired and sleepy, she found out she has a wheat deficency.

 

Whe i was around their i did alot for her tidy her flat hoovered made her drinks bathed out daughter fed her alsorts.

 

Help her out alot with her bills.

 

I know i did neglect her at times but it was only because of the situation and not knowing what to do or know how to sort the situation the way i wanted as i felt it was one way.

 

One day when she came to the flat from her parents when i had evie, she was upset saying her mum and dad called her selfish but how she has treated me. I defending her even though i agreed. I took the blame for alot of stuff to protect her.

 

Last xmas i stayed the night Help wrapped our daughters presents. i was on a bad dose of mood stabilizer which made me moody and horrible.

 

Xmas morning she wont up told me she loved me which felt nice and i told her i loved her. I was excited in the morning.

 

I was a nasty person to her on these pills and called her a bitch for someone reason on xmas. I stayed on this dose for a few months which i regret. And it really blew up one day which i am ashamed of myself.

 

I got nasty to her in the public the defo no no for a women. And imbarssed her.

 

When i settled down i was so ashamed and felt horrible and really said sorry and really tried to smooth it over. I did sleep over that night and she hugged me very tight.

 

I got on to a lower dose and felt alot better within days which she noticed.

 

 

We did have another arguments over the same stuff, the relationship not being where we both wanted it to be.

 

I said im done, male thing i wasnt really, and she cried and we went and lay down on the bed and she cuddled me tight and was saying i must love you if i feel like this and we had sex.

 

After that another night on her sofa she was kissing me neck and hugged me tight emotion i hadnt felt from her in a long time.

 

Anyways 2 weeks later she ended it.

 

She said she never felt the same when she ended when she first dumped me and fell out of love that same month which i find rubbish.

 

She said i didnt do enough or try to move in which is rubbish. throughout the last few years i explained to her the damaged the breakup caused to which she said it happened ages ago get over it, selfish much.

 

So first month was a nightmare we was txting one night and she just said i dont love you anymore and if we stayed together it would be for evie.

 

I told her i was suicidal which was silly at the time because evie was sleeping around, however i woulnt of killed myself.

 

So decided to get on with it.

 

When i contacted her over the last few months it was always about evie.

 

She has acted very immature though. I use to ask how evie is today what shes up to and all i got was she is fine.

 

Only time steph txted me was when her dad got poorly and she txted me talking about it which i did give her support.

 

And when she needed me because she had to do stock take at work so i helped her out with my daughter even though it wasnt my dad.

 

3 weeks ago i found out she has a new bf and the way i found out was by a friend. She seen the walking through town.

 

Now i stopped contact with her and said i dont want to see you this was from the start as it was painful. So i get evie from her dads.

 

I txted steph about this and she said evie is in no danger and that they are getting serious and she should of told me.

 

For last 2 months i was picking up. I went onto new adhd meds i was looking at my health weight dressing nice finally thinking bout own place.

 

But when i found this out, i went into shocked, and felt like my heart got reshattered.

 

Her mum and dad have been supportive, i kicked off to her dad when i found out and he was very supportive, and explained evie is priority now. Problem is he protects my ex alot. But did see my situation.

 

After finding out we have NC. I dont message her or abuse her, i never really did in the first 5 months.

 

2 weeks ago i was having big anxiety issues,and need a day off from evie, first day in 5 months i missed i need the pills to kick in.

 

Her dad was fine.

 

In the morning my ex txted me in such a nasty way showing o compassion when she knows how i have been these last few years.

 

We argued alittle then had a sort of civil conversation about evie.

 

Since then we havent spoke.

 

But im hurting alot, i feel like a sperm dona which is what her mum called her when she dumped me.

 

And all stuff i had to take when i did all the running.

 

I am the father of her child and she has acted very immature since the split. If their was no child involved ok their isnt much i can do, problem is my ex will always be in my life and i tried to be civil at first but she only wanted to when she wanted to talk about her self or wanted something.

 

According to her she has emotional problems due to childhood. Saying her mum didnt give her no love as a child/

 

When i got with my ex i found out she had a past and was very sexually active from a young age and slept with a alot of men. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt

 

She says she never cheated me, but the last 4 months she said she was going to the gym which im not sure she was or not. If she was it was to try get into shape for other men.

 

2 days when she first split up i was on her laptop and found out she was on a dating website. I knew she was on this site because and her friend setup a profile a year earlier and she said it was just for fun.

 

 

I checked some of her messages and she was trying to jump into another relationship straight away.

 

I was really upset. When she got back i told her i wanted nothing to do with her, and she wanted to know why i was upset. I told her in the end and she said you know what im not i got emotional issues as child. I calmed down and we spoke.

 

When i was going round at first to pick evie up we talked about stuff, to which she just tried to make out i didnt do enough again.

 

One day she said im really happy its over and i know your hurting. Just coming out with that was nasty to my face.

 

And she was talking about xmas dinners like she was rubbing stuff into my face.

 

Im hurting so much, feel jealous angry sad very depressed. I setup an appointment for a counselor so im waiting for sessions.

 

 

Sorry for the long speech. It would be nice if someone could message back, if someone who has been in a similar situation it would be nice to hear thoughs.

Edited August 27, 2013 by DmxDex

[DmxDex]

Anyone Got any advice or words of support.

[Mr_Myo]

Mate I really do feel for you because Iv been through a very simular situation, I was with my daughter's mum for 4 and half years, we split when my daughter was around 6 months, she got with another guy and I found it extremely difficult to cope, mostly it was jealousy, the fact this stranger was spending more time with my daughter than I was and sleeping in the same bed as my ex, this would drive me insane, I wanted to kill this guy she got a restraint order against me on the house meaning I couldn't go near, this was the same day I found out she was involved with someone. Things have changed since, theyve split and I see my daughter every other weekend, we dont speak tho because she says whilst I still have lovin feelings it will effect our friendship for our daughters sake. She's probably right. Best advice I can give you my friend, just concentrate on your precious time with your little girl, I too suffer with anxiety problems but I feel spending time with my daughter takes them away, also the weekends I don't have her I go out, put on my best shirt and go for some beers and a good time with my best friends. Keep yourself entertained and active and don't dwell on things to much because it will eat you up inside. Like Iv said before dude I really feel for you cuz it seems such a similar situation to what I had. I hope you can in time resolve your differences with your ex and who knows what the future could have in store. For now concentrate on the two most important people yourself and your little girl.

[DmxDex]

Suppose im lucky in that i have her 3 days a week and she sleeps every friday.

 

Thanks for input mate.

 

Im not sure how i havent gone round and beat him up tbh, i guess im good in staying away. I said i wanted no contact when i found out she had a bf because of the lies and immaturity to which she said fine by me.

 

My exs dad has assured me he doest sleep round and doesnt have much to do with my daughter. If i found out he was playing with her alot and giving her any emotional contact i would rip his head off.

 

I have been told by some friends and family it sounds like a rebound. i try to concern myself with it though. Try my best to cut the thoughs out.

 

Its hard though when you love someone even though they didnt treat you well.

Edited August 27, 2013 by DmxDex

[Mr_Myo]

Mate it's a horrible feelings,people who dont have kids can't really understand your feelings, some of my friends who are childess were the same. It was a horrible feeling hearing my daughter coming to mine an mentioning this guys name when I asked where theyde been. I can remember the final Xmas they had together before they split, I had booked time off work to take my daughter to a Xmas show not far from my home, I had everything planned that she was having dinner at mine and sleeping at mine, my ex then txt me two days before this was due and told me I couldn't have her cuz her and the new guy were taking her to a another show outside of town, I went berserk and grabbed a baseball bat ready to drive down to the house, but my mum grabbed me and calmed me down, I already had a restraining order against me which she purposely did so I couldn't get her bf and I didn't know where he lived apart from it was another town outside of my own. Don't do anything stupid mate because should your ex start playing games and you have to go through court proceedings, she will have all the ammunition that you have shown violence towards her new bf and it will destroy any chance u have of seeing ya daughter. Keep calm like you are already, I know it's extremely tough mate, hell I thought I was mentally losing it. But be the better man and you will be a much better person and father. Hope my advice helps.

[DmxDex]

I wont do anything adhd or not. But i will have words if she takes the piss. My ex doesnt sound as bad as yours but i dont know what is going on behind closed doors.

 

No excuse for the way some women treat men.

 

If i didnt have my daughter i would of been hurt but not like this.

[Mr_Myo]

Well as I said before they ain't together now but we still don't speak because she knows I still have feelings for her cuz when she chooses not to be a bitch, she can actually be a decent person. All in good time tho I guess! Hope everything works out for ya anyway dude. Women hey!?!