Mr_Bravo Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hey Im new around here, Ok this will be a bit long, but here goes. I got married to my wife in 2008 and everything was OK, before that. Back Story Before getting married my then wife to be lost her job so I paid her share of the rent on her house, but I also had to pay my rent and the rent the UK is not cheap. Combined rent came to over £2000 a month, this went on for about 3 months, but I could not continue it it was crippling me. At the same time the rent on my place started to go up and things got really bad. £2000 a month is more than a mortgage. Her family although pretty useless I respect them and treat them as well as mine, but they could not help her. Anyway SHE said could we not live with YOUR Grandmother who has a fairly large home. My Grandmother lives in a house where she used to work, she was a house keeper. She has the ground floor flat which is huge, not well looked after but livable all the same with some work ( paint / DIY ) would be very respectable. My Grandmother brought me up and is basically my surrogate mother, as my mother her daughter was not the greatest mother. Anyway to cut a long story short we now live there, and we do my grandmothers Job for the house which is just mainly cleaning communal areas and minor repairs. In return we can save for our own home, live in the best part of London. We pay all the bills for our flat etc etc. So to be clear its not my grandmothers Home but she is the holder of the contract for the Job there. She is 90 years old and unable to do the Job. The residents there before we cam basically let her stay there out of good will and respect for her as she worked very hard when she was able to. I was also brought up there and only moved out for about 6 months. The residents are happy we are there, and in any case I have along standing and good relationship with them all. As I am fair person I don't ask that pay my bills like other care takers in the area do. In 2012 My grandmother had a stroke a minor one. She is perfectly fine, does need constant care she is a little unsteady on her feet etc, and needs regular meds. Now to the Problems We got married 3 months after moving in to my grandmothers place. My grand mother gave us lots of money and support, I was in a small amount of debt after paying both rents + more etc. at first my wife moaned about living with my grandmother, after she suggested it. I said to her I told you it would not be easy, but you insisted given the situation we were in. In any case I expected this, I know its not easy but I did explain its not going to be like its your home which she was use to having left home and 17 and rented. The moaning became worse and worse, and then my grandmother had a stroke. Now as stated above she is OK, but does need some help some times ( 2 hours a week) in total. At first my wife was like, well we cant have her back here because she will need help and we are a young couple (me 33 her 29). I said yes but this is ultimately her home. That sent my wife into a rage, and she started shouting that this is not my Grandmothers home anymore as we do the work, you do all the maintenance the residents come to you about any issues etc etc. To which I replied what does that matter, we have to do that in order to live here. Then she started saying was doesn't your Grandmother daughter take her and she is extremely well paid and has a bigger house. Now that I can agree with, the home we live in isn't very elderly friendly and my grandmothers daughter could not care less about her, and yes the truth is her SMALL amount of care does fall to us. I told my wife I would speak to my aunt. My Aunt flat out refused to even talk to my Grandmother bout it and her husband made it clear she could not live with them. This made my wife mad and she threaten to leave me. I said there is nothing I can do about this. I spoke to my Aunt, I spoke to the health care team from our council and I asked my Grandmother if she would like to live with her daughter. I will not force my grand mother out so please be clear about this. This has now been like a cancer in our marriage, she is constantly angry about my grand mother, treats me like dirt. I told my wife I have tried and tried and tried to make the situation better. I will look after my Grandmother you do not need to do anything for her. But what my wife does is invent things she has to do. For example she will say "oh your Grandmother needs a new pair of slippers and will then buy them" But what she will do is throw away a perfectly good pair then tell everybody that my aunt left my grandmother with no slippers, then will get anger about it and start saying to me "see what I mean" If you expect me to look after your grandmother then im telling you I wont. I mean come on right?? this is crazy. She is in my mind making everything worse to in effect get My grand mother out? This is just the tip of the ice berg, She also refuses sex, treats me like a child. I am at the point where I just want to die some days. Any advice at this point?
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