Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 So let me give my back story.. I've been to this site before and received great advice. Such great advice that I didn't have to go back. But as you can see.. I'm back lol Anyways.. This girl and I started dating my sophomore year of high school. We were both head over heels in love with each other. Yeah we had our problems but we worked through them and yeah we broke up a few times but it was never anything more than a month long. When we graduated high school I decided I wanted to join the Marines and it was hard for her to deal with but she did. With that being said I get to be with her about twice a year, usually for 3 weeks at a time. In May I flew her down to see me and it was literally like magic. I had never felt so in love. She said the same too. I cried at the airport when she left cause I knew how badly I was going to miss her. Once she left tho that's when things got bad. I started to get distant with her and I didn't know why. We ended up breaking up but it was on mutual terms. After we did we continued to talk and act like we were still together. It was fine with me because nothing really changed. But things got bad when a week ago I told her that I wanted that title of being her boyfriend. I was tired of trying to explain to people what we were. Once I brought this up to her she got really upset and things just got out of hand Now she's telling me she just wants to be friends. I can't do "just friends" because this girl means the world to me. She sent me this text last night too that also tore my heart apart.. "Ofcourse I love you. I just think I started to fall a little less in love with you. I have love for you but I'm not in love with you like I was. Because after all those nights of feeling alone and sad and needing to be loved, you weren't there. Your video games and your parties and friends came first. So I lost my trust in what we had. And after several times of telling you to give me more you still didn't. So I can't keep letting you back in and keep forgiving. I'm a joke to my friends. Nobody takes my feelings seriously. They all hate us. It sucks so much. They all see me sad and just tell me to stop talking to you once and for all and I can't. So please.. Just be my friend and let us live out lives." Apart of me understands all of this. I was a jerk. But I loved her so much and she acts like I'm the evil doer. I'd do anything for this girl and I just want to get back on track. I do not see myself with any other girl. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any help?
keepontruckin Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Oh boy... The straight up goods? She's done with you, and there's nothing you can do about it. You cannot be friends, and she doesn't want communication with you anymore. She may or may not have someone else in her life, but that won't make a difference anyways... Sorry to be blunt, but that's the straight up goods.
melell Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I don't think she thinks you are evil at all. And it is really so so hard to understand peoples reasoning and feelings unless we are them. Your actions may not seem significant, and something that could be fixed, but bottom line is that it all depends on the way it made her feel. Which can be much more than logic would imply. If she felt hurt and lonely with you, and others seen her feeling that way, and you did nothing to ease those feelings, then she see's no reason to think you will change. It is hard, because if she was really in love with you, breaking up with you would be torture for her. If she didn't truly love you, then she could be just justifying her decision to ease her guilt. It seems like there is a it of resentment in what she said to you, I mean in that case she could be testing you to see if you will change yourself, and chase her. So many possibilities. It is hard to know peoples true intentions. I think that is why NC helps so many people, it means we don't have to try and work out these riddles, and we don't have to risk being let down again, we can just move on instead. I wouldn't break NC under any circumstance, but sometimes I do wonder if people miss out on reconciliation because they protect themselves with NC. It usually for the best though.
Author Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Oh boy... The straight up goods? She's done with you, and there's nothing you can do about it. You cannot be friends, and she doesn't want communication with you anymore. She may or may not have someone else in her life, but that won't make a difference anyways... Sorry to be blunt, but that's the straight up goods. She still wants to be friends tho. I forgot to add that in there. She needs my emotional support so bad "Ok so you're not just a friend. You're always going to be more. But what I need right now is stability. And if that means we tone down calling each other babe and saying I love you and just being normal without that stuff then that's what I need. I'm sorry. And yes it's going to be weird and not feel good but it feels better then not having you at all but also not being in an unhealthy crazy relationship" She also sent me that last night
melell Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 She still wants to be friends tho. I forgot to add that in there. She needs my emotional support so bad "Ok so you're not just a friend. You're always going to be more. But what I need right now is stability. And if that means we tone down calling each other babe and saying I love you and just being normal without that stuff then that's what I need. I'm sorry. And yes it's going to be weird and not feel good but it feels better then not having you at all but also not being in an unhealthy crazy relationship" She also sent me that last night This is classic, dumpers do this to 'ween' themselves off the dumpee. They don't do it intentionally but it is exactly what they do. At the same time they construct another support network, and fade away. Almost all dumpee's have their exes asking to keep the friendship, almost all never have reconciliation. There are countless threads about breakups which start with 'they still want us to still be friends/maybe one day/I'll always love you. It messes with the dumpee and makes it easy for the dumper 1
keepontruckin Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Joshua, some women play the "let's be friends" spiel to ease their guilt for dumping for you. It makes them feel like they're less bad of a person for doing so. Now, here are the facts... You will NOT be happy as her friend. It will not work, trust me. It NEVER does. Now, you have to ask yourself if you want to change for this girl? It won't make a difference. If you want to change some things about yourself for yourself? That probably won't make a difference to her either, but it may to yourself. What I'm saying here, is that you're out of options. There is nothing that you can do. You could come back as the mixed reincarnation of Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and Jesus Christ all rolled into one perfect package... You'd still be out of luck. Just let her be, and focus on taking care of your own business. She may or may not notice, but that doesn't matter... I'm sure she knows how to contact you, so just let her know that you'll leave a line of communication open for talk, and leave it at that. If she wants you, she'll come for you. Don't be like the rest of us here that begged, pleaded, became angry, became sad. You have these emotions, but don't share them with her. You have to look like you're cool as a cucumber to her, because anything less is even more undesirable to her than you already are...
Author Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Joshua, some women play the "let's be friends" spiel to ease their guilt for dumping for you. It makes them feel like they're less bad of a person for doing so. Now, here are the facts... You will NOT be happy as her friend. It will not work, trust me. It NEVER does. Now, you have to ask yourself if you want to change for this girl? It won't make a difference. If you want to change some things about yourself for yourself? That probably won't make a difference to her either, but it may to yourself. What I'm saying here, is that you're out of options. There is nothing that you can do. You could come back as the mixed reincarnation of Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and Jesus Christ all rolled into one perfect package... You'd still be out of luck. Just let her be, and focus on taking care of your own business. She may or may not notice, but that doesn't matter... I'm sure she knows how to contact you, so just let her know that you'll leave a line of communication open for talk, and leave it at that. If she wants you, she'll come for you. Don't be like the rest of us here that begged, pleaded, became angry, became sad. You have these emotions, but don't share them with her. You have to look like you're cool as a cucumber to her, because anything less is even more undesirable to her than you already are... I think I'm just gonna end all communication now. I don't wanna hear her say how much she needs our friendship. As you said, if she needs me, she knows where to find me
keepontruckin Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I think I'm just gonna end all communication now. I don't wanna hear her say how much she needs our friendship. As you said, if she needs me, she knows where to find me That's a good call. You can let her know that the line will be open, and you leave it at that. I know it's easier said than done, but it's human nature for people to want what they don't have... If you are always trying to beg her, she can easily have you. And that's not desirable... Go distant. Go mysterious... If it was meant to be, she'll contact you. If not, you'll eventually find someone else (as much as that may be hard to believe right now)...
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 This is classic, dumpers do this to 'ween' themselves off the dumpee. They don't do it intentionally but it is exactly what they do. At the same time they construct another support network, and fade away. Almost all dumpee's have their exes asking to keep the friendship, almost all never have reconciliation. There are countless threads about breakups which start with 'they still want us to still be friends/maybe one day/I'll always love you. It messes with the dumpee and makes it easy for the dumper THIS X1000000000. Couldnt have said it better myself.
Author Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 So I texted her. She pulled some bull**** that she "needed time" and wants to continue talking. I told her that I refused to be around when she finally realized all that I had to give. She wants to Skype tonight and ill probably give her that just to see what she has to say but I'm 100% sure on what I want and I refuse sit around and watch her be with anyone else or lead me on. If it ultimately turns out that she's really gone for forever then so be it. At least I can say I stood for what I wanted
Author Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Sorry being back and forth but I just don't understand the "I need time" it's like I don't want to give her time because I don't wanna sit around thinking she might come back or I might be stuck alone
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 "Ofcourse I love you. I just think I started to fall a little less in love with you. I have love for you but I'm not in love with you like I was. Because after all those nights of feeling alone and sad and needing to be loved, you weren't there. BAM!!!!! Right there!!!! She's cheating on you dude. There's another guy in the picture. That is CLASSIC textbook cheater speak. 9 times out of 10 when you get the "ILYBINILWY" speech, there's another guy. This could also explain her "needing time". It's her needing time to see if this relationship with this new douche rocket is going anywhere. Needing time to sleep with this guy guilt free. Needing time to see if this guy is really interested in her. Because, if he wants an exclusive relationship with her, you and your friendship is tossed to the curb. So why is she adamant on keeping up a friendship with you? Hello Mr. Backup Plan!! You're looking dapper today! If sh*t doesn't work out with this dude. Well, she's got you as a consolation prize. That's why she wants to keep you on the hook. Keep you around. The rest of that quote above is also telling. She's pretty much giving you the excuse of WHY there's other dude without actually telling you about him. I was lonely and you weren't there. She's already feeling guilty about cheating and she's already giving herself excuses as to why she did it. Dude, don't Skype with her and change your number, block her on Facebook and block her on your Skype. 1
Author Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 BAM!!!!! Right there!!!! She's cheating on you dude. There's another guy in the picture. That is CLASSIC textbook cheater speak. 9 times out of 10 when you get the "ILYBINILWY" speech, there's another guy. This could also explain her "needing time". It's her needing time to see if this relationship with this new douche rocket is going anywhere. Needing time to sleep with this guy guilt free. Needing time to see if this guy is really interested in her. Because, if he wants an exclusive relationship with her, you and your friendship is tossed to the curb. So why is she adamant on keeping up a friendship with you? Hello Mr. Backup Plan!! You're looking dapper today! If sh*t doesn't work out with this dude. Well, she's got you as a consolation prize. That's why she wants to keep you on the hook. Keep you around. The rest of that quote above is also telling. She's pretty much giving you the excuse of WHY there's other dude without actually telling you about him. I was lonely and you weren't there. She's already feeling guilty about cheating and she's already giving herself excuses as to why she did it. Dude, don't Skype with her and change your number, block her on Facebook and block her on your Skype. I highly doubt that. I know her like the back of my hand. But I agree with how I should go about NCing. I've upset her a lot lately. Getting obliterated wasted, blowing off Skype dates to play video games with the buddies. I didn't put her first in any situation
barky2 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I hate to break it to you And I hope I'm wrong Theres someone else. Barky
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I'm telling you, dude. The ILYBINILWY speech is classic. There's another dude. I don't know where you are. Whether you're in Lejeune, or Cherry Point or out in Pendleton....if you got a buddy back home that can do some stealthy recon for you, I would ask. I would hope I'm wrong but when you get the ILYBINILWY speech 9/10 I'm right. Sorry. Semper Gumby, Dude!
Author Joshuascott Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I'm telling you, dude. The ILYBINILWY speech is classic. There's another dude. I don't know where you are. Whether you're in Lejeune, or Cherry Point or out in Pendleton....if you got a buddy back home that can do some stealthy recon for you, I would ask. I would hope I'm wrong but when you get the ILYBINILWY speech 9/10 I'm right. Sorry. Semper Gumby, Dude! I'm out in cherry point haha. I'm gonna have a buddy back at home do some snooping and talk to some close girl-friends
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Yeah, tell him NOT TO MAKE IT OBVIOUS!! If word gets back to her, she's gonna hide the affair. She's going to take it dark. In the mean time. You can go on her Facebook and look at all of her status updates. See if there's a guy that "likes" every damn thing she puts up there. That might be your prime suspect. 1
Author Joshuascott Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 (edited) So despite what people said, I texted her all day today kinda casually. Just to get the feel of how serious she might be about it. Later on that day she wanted to call just to chat about our day and she got pissed at me because I started talking about the marine corps ball coming up and how I'm getting a hotel yatta yatta. She proceeded with, "well you better find a date soon." And as soon as she said that I basically lost my mind. I've officially at this point want nothing to do her until she wants what I want. I'm not playing her bull**** games. Btw the last text she sent me, which idk how significant it is, but it was "im sorry.. I feel bad that you're going to bed upset." I feel like she's trying to get revenge or something. I don't flow that way. I have to have the power in situations like this Edited August 29, 2013 by Joshuascott
Recommended Posts