7 year relationship ended

[L.D.702]

Hello, this is going to be long, so sorry. We broke up a week ago.

 

My girlfriend broke up with me after going out for 7 years. We met in high school when we were 16. She had just moved from another city so she didn't know anybody. At first I thought that I would never have a chance with her because all of the "cool guys" were trying to get with her. I was just some shy skinny kid with a bad acne problem. We first talked to each other because we were forced to be in a group.

 

I remember her starring at me and I felt awkward because how could this girl be attracted to me. One thing led to another and we were going out about a week later. I stopped hanging out with my friends just to be with her. We did everything together and I took her out everyday for lunch, we skipped classes just to be with each other, and I was at her house almost everyday. We would tell each other that we were meant to be and that we would live together forever. A few months after graduation my parents had to move to find a job and I went with them. We had problems before, but we both felt that the move escalated the problems.

 

I would drive two hour to see her every weekend and things were ok. We were eating out one day and I said something that made her break up with me. I called her everyday saying how sorry I was and that I would change. She then started staying at a co-workers apartment with another one of her co-workers because she had some problems with her parents. The apartment she was staying with was with a guy and the other co-worker was a girl. The girl co-worker had to move to another state and she was left alone with him. He wasn't any good looking but it still hurt knowing that she was staying with him. I would always picture her sleeping and having sex with him. We later got back together and I moved back to where we met and got a job getting paid 5 dollars an hour.

 

She then later moved back with her parents and we still argued about her moving in with her co-worker. I then later had to get another job because 5 dollars an hour wasn't enough. Then I moved back to where my parents were staying at because of a good job opportunity. She then later moved in with me at my parents house. We were arguing almost everyday since she moved in. I later got a job where she was working at and even got a house together (we lived together for 3 years). Everything was going fine until later on I started changing. I wasn't the boyfriend she met, I started being mean to her sometimes.

 

She always said she wanted to get married and I would always say that it's too early, that we're to young (I should have just married her, I'm so stupid). She would sometimes tell me that there would be a lot of guys hitting on her at work or outside of work and this made me a very jealous person. She was always the flirtatious and touchy type. I also started going to a gym and she would tell me that she didn't like it because I didn't spend enough time with her. She was right but at that time I was only into myself and what I wanted. I kept on being mean to her and ignored her sometimes she would tell me to stop but I was so stubborn and so dumb.

 

All the good times we had outweighed the bad times by a lot. Then my father moved to a different state and he told me that I would have a better paying job over there. She didn't want to move but I wanted to provide a better future for her. When I moved that's when things slowly started changing. She started hanging out with her friends more, I never really trusted her friends because I always believed that they would show her other people. She then had to go to two different cities for some manager classes that would take about a month. She would still go back home for the weekend though. While she was over there was when she started acting more weird.

 

She never called me like before and would always go out with her classmates. One day when she came back from her classes and I wanted to surprise her by visiting her. She didn't have a happy look in her face but I just ignored it. We got home and I started looking around the house and I found a hookah box behind the couch. She was never the type that drank or smoke, but she told me that she had a get together with her girlfriends and they also brought liquor. I also found two bracelet passes to a theme park in the trash, I asked her who she went with and why she didn't tell about it. She said she went with one of her friends, but the way she told me felt different, like she wasn't telling me the whole truth.

 

I think we fought that day because I would think that she brought guys over. I dropped her off the airport the next day because she had to leave to another one of her classes. I saw her putting on makeup and getting super gorgeous and putting on a, kind of see through shirt. I got mad and told her was she had to dress like that and she said that it's just the style. There was this one day when she was out of class and I was calling her and she just ignored my calls. I called her about 15 times and ignored all of them. She told me that her classmate had her phone and that she ignored them.

 

I was suspicious and thought that she must have met another guy in her classes. One day I surprised her again by showing up randomly. I go to the fridge and find alcohol in the fridge and that's when we get into our last argument. I threaten her that I will leave if she doesn't throw it away and she just stays quiet. I start getting all my stuff and packing it in the car and she says that she's not going to stop me. I try saying that I'm sorry and she says that she needs a break. I start crying and she's without a tear about the breakup. On the way back I call her saying that I'm sorry and she says that it's too late. I start crying my heart out when I get home knowing that the person that I've spent so long with is never going to be with me anymore.

 

I stop contacting her a few days and I begin looking at her facebook. She posts a picture of food that some guy co-worker brought her to work and says that she loves it. I also look at her instagram and blocks me the next day. I call her the following day saying that I'm sorry, lets work this out, that it's not too late, and that it can be like before. She says that it's over and it is too late and that she just wants to be single and meet other people and hangs up.

One of my cousins called her and my cousin told me that she sounded happy and like our breakup never happened. I haven't contacted her for two days now.

 

I would never have thought that this would happen to me. I always took her for granted and never thought that our relationship would end. I love her so much and I feel really depressed. I can't eat or sleep, I think Iv'e lost about 10 pounds already and have slept like 8 hours in three days. I'm always thinking that she did find someone else or that maybe she did something stupid when she was in her classes that made her think that being single is better than being with me.

 

I'm always thinking that she's sleeping with someone else and it truly hurts just thinking about it. We've been through so much. I feel so stupid and I wish I could have been a better boyfriend and told her that I love her everyday. I shouldn't have moved to find a better job but, I just wanted to spoil her once I started making good money.

 

I can't stop thinking about her. I don't think I'll ever find somebody like her, ever. I really miss her.

 

I need advice.

Edited August 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[L.D.702]

Thank you RedWingInCo, I just need someone to help me because I'm in so much pain right now. I just wish I could go back in time and change all the mistakes I did.

[unexpectedlyhere]

LD, so sorry for your pain. 7 years is a long time, especially when they start at 16.

 

You will be okay. It's a long way there but you will be.

 

Start with your sleeping and eating. 10lb in a week is a lot. See your doctor about it.

 

Then you need to stop blaming yourself for this ending. You may have made some mistakes but your post reads like that of someone who blames themselves for the faults of both. It's a stupid saying but it does take two to tango.

 

You will find someone like her, or different but just as good for you. But you don't need to worry about that now. Try not to panic, and speak to your friends and family lots and lots.

[melell]

LD, me too, 8 years, from when I was 16. It is like life revolves around that person and you never get the chance to grow into yourself because you were never alone.

 

It does get better.... the process has already started. Right now just keep going, and work on getting your head around.

 

The people on this site have excellent advice. Sanity saving advice. Reach out each time you are overwhelmed, it will help.

[Mr_Myo]

Loving someone who doesn't feel the same is the most painful experience, I should know cuz it happened to me and I have a child with this person, so I don't have a choice that she will always be in my life. Best thing you can do dude, just think you won't have to bump into this person again, you can achieve all the goals you want in life and just enjoy the single life. Harsh as this may seem mate she obviously won't be losing a minutes sleep thinking about how upset you are so don't act depressed and sad hoping she sees this and feels sorry for you, if anything behave (as difficult as it may be at first) like your on top of the world. Go to your local gym, enjoy socialising with friends and just try to remain in a confident, positive state of mind. If she should ever see the new you she may have a change of heart, but dont bank on that getting ya hopes up.Just remember there's someone out there for you I promise.Think of number one from now on and best of luck buddy.

[NoLeafClover]

Thank you RedWingInCo, I just need someone to help me because I'm in so much pain right now. I just wish I could go back in time and change all the mistakes I did.

I too am going through a 7 yrs break up with someone I still truly love and prob will love for a while but you need to realize life is precious. Whatever mistakes you made, you should not beat yourself over it so much. Give it some time. I am almost at 30 days No Contact and I have remained No Contact since the break up which was nothing much but us hanging up on each other...so I honestly didn't even get any closure at least to say that I did love her for the last 7 years and that I would never forget her.

 

Life can be cruel or beautiful..it all depends how you treat yourself.

 

Truth is (and you will probably not understand this right now) NO ONE and I mean NO-ONE...cares more about YOU then YOURSELF...NO ONE does. The closest that it could get is probably your parents that made you.. and that is all on the family dynamics and culture so really you are left with YOURSELF.

 

You are allowing her to be responsible for your happiness and that is not the way it goes. You need to make yourself happy. Cry if you have to cry and let it all out ..but you can't be miserable forever. Life goes on this is not the end. Think about how others did it that were married for 20+ years and even had kids our age.

 

Another thing you are not going to comprehend at this moment is that "What doesn't kill you, it will only makes you stronger". Yes I know great speech blah blah.... but believe me when I say that. I can truthfully tell you that you will feel a different stronger person if you give it time. When you are done going through this, you will realize how much you have gone through and what a strong person you have become. Whether you get back with her or not, your first thing to do right now is take care of yourself.

 

Start to be productive and try to take your mind off from your ex and things you did together.

 

I feel for you....I feel for you a lot because not that many understand what it's like to be able to lose someone of 7 years. It's a lot of time together and when you get together at such a young age ( in my case I was barely 20 yrs old and she was 18.) and you spent almost all your 20's together time flies by.

 

It's very painful because that is a lot of time ... TIME LOST. Time you can not get back. You can not be 20 again and wish you could start college and be single this time.

 

..But do you want to loose more of this previous time beating yourself over about why things didn't work?

 

Why marry someone if you were not ready to marry. It takes 2 to tango and if you weren't ready than she should respect that. Why marry her for the sake of keeping her around. Why can't she NOT MARRY YOU and wait for YOU to keep you around instead and marry you in the future? (If that made any sense)

 

You need to change your train of thought because all you're doing is guilting yourself on why things ended. She doesn't sound like the perfect girl when you find alcohol in the fridge without you knowing. It's little stupid lies like that, that can destroy a relationship.

It only takes one bad apple to kill the whole tree.

 

 

You remind me a lot of myself the first two weeks of my BU. The first week I was just crying at random I missed my ex so much. The second week I was okay until mid week then back to day on. Now on my 4th week and I am a more strong and straight forward person. I see things clearer.

 

This are tough times and you know what the worse thing is when going through these times...being weak.

 

I hope you take this words of advice seriously as I don't usually type this long but I do feel for you because I can relate to your long term relationship.

 

Follow the motto:

"You are not weak. You are just allowing yourself to be weak. You need to face this breakup head on because during this tough times your weakness is your worst enemy. You are not fighting the breakup you are fighting yourself.

Be strong, keep your head-up and be ready to face this roller coaster ride.

Sooner or later, the ride will stop"

 

 

- Good Luck, Ari

[L.D.702]

Thanks everybody for your help.

 

We both moved to Las Vegas when we started living together and I moved to New Mexico to get a better paying job before we broke up. It doesn't help that this is one of the smallest towns I've lived in, there's nothing to do here. I get out of the house all the time to forget about her but we did everything together that wherever I go I think about the times we where at the places I go to.

 

I know that a lot of you have gone through something like this but it just hurts knowing that she's doing ok. It's like it never happened to her. I also can't stop thinking that she's with someone else right now because she is a very pretty girl.