GF got pregnant on purpose, I think

[Balzac]

I reckon an anonymous public forum is pretty much equal to a professional bound by a confidentiality oath. In that, a guy coming here to vent and seek commentary may choose to not include his feelings about concerns for his partner immediately.

[CptSaveAho]

Scared????????? Pffft. Maybe that 21 year old shouldn't have been trying to get pregnant behind his back. I don't disagree with a lot of what was said but women who aren't trying to get pregnant, don't use ovulation kits that cost $60-70 dollars for 7 (clearblue) to 20 (first response.) So this poor, scared 21 year old knew enough to spend a pretty penny on ovulation kits to wind up here. Sounds ridiculous to be scared when you plan things to tee. She PURPOSELY got pregnant, timed it all perfectly, didn't tell him until she was already 8-9 weeks pregnant.......... but we are going to play the poor 21 year old girl must be scared card? Give me a god damn break. Any woman testing for ovulation with pee sticks, is TRYING to get pregnant. She wanted this. Don't play the poor 21 year old being scared card. Its pathetic. She KNEW what she was doing and she was doing it behind her boyfriends back. Sheesh!!!

 

spoken like a true woman

[soccerrprp]

Behind his back? Where did the poor sap think babies come from?

 

I'll give you one hint. The dude was doing it knowingly for EIGHT MONTHS WILLINGLY.

 

I'm sorry, but I am just laughing at this discussion.

 

Yes, the gf should have been clear about her intent to get pregnant. But the bf was at least or even more culpable or simply just CLUELESS.

 

HE KNEW that the chances of getting pregnant existed.

HE continued to have sex w/ her w/o protection WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE.

HE ADMITTED that if it did happen that he would be fine with it.

 

But, b/c it happened b/c she was "trying" to make it happen and not by mere chance or his consent (which by his knowledge and actions or lack of actions to prevent said pregnancy, more than implied approval) is simply ABSURD.

[CptSaveAho]

I'm sorry, but I am just laughing at this discussion.

 

Yes, the gf should have been clear about her intent to get pregnant. But the bf was at least or even more culpable or simply just CLUELESS.

 

HE KNEW that the chances of getting pregnant existed.

HE continued to have sex w/ her w/o protection WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE.

HE ADMITTED that if it did happen that he would be fine with it.

 

But, b/c it happened b/c she was "trying" to make it happen and not by mere chance or his consent (which by his knowledge and actions or lack of actions to prevent said pregnancy, more than implied approval) is simply ABSURD.

 

Hurry up ladies, snag this guy before he moves up north with his kids to move near some woman he met online. He's going to be a great catch

 

He will believe everything you say and take whatever you dish out at him..

[Divasu]

The only credible thing I see here to give you substantial concern, is using and hiding the ovulation kit deliberately behind your back.

 

I suppose it's plausible she was using it to make sure on the days she was fertile, you both abstained from sex. But, I understand the skepticism on your end given she hid it from you and wasn't forthcoming with it.

 

Not a good way to bring a baby into the world (the mistrust between the parents-to-be) but I hope you find solace one way or the other and are able to reach a resolution.

 

There are cases where women are told they cannot conceive and thus do not use birth control and later become pregnant. A friend who was married to her husband for several years tried to conceive, couldn't, and had to undergo in vitro. She had a very difficult pregnancy. They continued having sex after the child was born unprotected for years, and blip, she became pregnant naturally. So, it does/can happen.

[aussietigerwolf]

Oh dear gods... Just do the girl a favour and let her find a guy who actually does love and trust her.

[Els]

Soooo... one thing to take away from this train-wreck of a thread:

 

People, if you don't actually want kids, wrap before you zap.

 

This concludes my public service announcement.

[ja123]

Soooo... one thing to take away from this train-wreck of a thread:

 

People, if you don't actually want kids, wrap before you zap.

 

This concludes my public service announcement.

 

 

Yep, 'cuz if you stick it in, you gotta stick it out.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I hope men are paying real close attention to this thread because once you get a woman pregnant you sure as hell better make sure you want it or your @ss is grass because the sympathy bus goes out of town as soon as it happens for you...it becomes about their bodies and feelings only...any opinion or doubt at this point that you will experience in this moment for yourself will be taken very critically and offensively.

 

You are not what pregnancy is about you've only got the power before it happens, once it does happen you just gave that woman full power, she's got to agree w anything beyond that.

 

I'm glad women here are so impassioned and derailed the thread because it's a good example of how the world of priorities change and the shift that takes precedence over all else...it's not going to matter if she lied or didn't lie or is crazy or just emotional, there's no fairness or reason...the woman takes the spotlight because it's her body and you're just along for the ride, it's an emotional rollercoaster you have no control of.

 

Harp many guys freak out and bail when the reality occurs, I understand it felt low risk but you clearly don't feel right about this...if you want to abort that is something you two need to talk about and soon. She ultimately has to agree and its probably for the best to reassess this relationship, I think you need to move on.

 

But if you're thinking about staying then you better change your attitude because your level of distrust is only going to cause problems and friction...in a way you have no choice to ignore that and move forward and become supportive.

 

You options are limited to stay and deal w reality and sit in the back of the bus and put her first with your feelings to the side or make a decision about this pregnancy and move on from this relationship...nobody is forcing you to stay, this is your life and don't be guilted into something you don't want to do...it's normal for men to have mini break downs but once you get over that things will change if you choose to..but you can't just resent her for this if you choose to move forward.

 

Women calling you selfish and names...that's the way it goes when you screw up, that's what is going to happen even if they messed up or even intended it, guys get the whip, women get the coddling and understanding...in most cases...it's not intended to be fair that's not life.

Edited August 28, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[soccerrprp]

Hurry up ladies, snag this guy before he moves up north with his kids to move near some woman he met online. He's going to be a great catch

 

He will believe everything you say and take whatever you dish out at him..

 

Too late. Already taken. And, heck yah I'm a great catch!

[soccerrprp]

I hope men are paying real close attention to this thread because once you get a woman pregnant you sure as hell better make sure you want it or your @ss is grass because the sympathy bus goes out of town as soon as it happens for you...it becomes about their bodies and feelings only...any opinion or doubt at this point that you will experience in this moment for yourself will be taken very critically and offensively.

 

I will admit that the deck is stacked against guys in many situations pertaining to reproductive decisions or child support, etc. but, in THIS case, come on!

 

Some of you guys are so bitter and pissed that you can't or worse, won't see that the bf totally checked himself out of any responsible behavior knowing the consequences. He wasn't "tricked" into having a baby. His behavior CLEARLY indicates that he was prepared to have one. He indicated in his original post that he was fine with having a baby with her.

 

Let's be objective. The gf is no saint in all of this, but come on!

[man_in_the_box]

So lets get this straight:

 

- no condoms

- no pill

- not even a pull-out

 

You played the lottery and got lucky.

[xxoo]

I hope men are paying real close attention to this thread because once you get a woman pregnant you sure as hell better make sure you want it or your @ss is grass because the sympathy bus goes out of town as soon as it happens for you..

 

Pretty much. And certainly if you were knowingly having sex for months without birth control.

 

Sex is a grown up activity with grown up risks and responsibilities. If you aren't prepared to have a baby, be a grown up and wear a rubber! 26 is way too old for claiming youth and ignorance about how babies are made.

[soccerrprp]

Nope... He was young dumb and naive and she took clear advantage of this. He does have fault in this but not to the extent of what the women of this forum says/does.

 

Like you he believed what women say and allowed them to lead/steer the relationship. Look at your own life... In ninjas posts in this thread, you are the result of what he says. You just haven't connected the dots and contrary to your painful path to being a hopeless romantic you are not a catch

 

Ldrs... Online dating only... Friends with exs that hose you stuck with the kids... Tells me and any rational person you haven't learned and unable to learn. You just keep doubling down instead of fixing yourself.

 

1. I have my reasons for OLD only. No regret and not ashamed.

2. "Friends with exs that hose you stuck with the kids" What in the world does this mean? Stuck with the kids? My kids are my own from a wife that I was married to for 12+ years and passed away just 2-years ago. I don't have an ex who dumped kids on me, if that's what you terribly, and erroneously are suggesting.

3. I am happy where I am right now. I suspect I have a lot more dots connected than you do.

4. And, yes, I am friends with some of my exes. No regrets there, either.

5. Hope"ful" romantic, thank you.

6. It would appear that plenty of people, people who know me, the ladies I've dated, think that I am a catch. That's all I need to know. I confident enough to know what I have to offer is good enough.

7. Hell, ya, I have some things to work on, but I'm doing it w/o whining, playing a victim (whoa is me, all women are terrible attidude...)

 

Sheesh...

Edited August 28, 2013 by soccerrprp

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Kids..kids...take it outside.

 

 

OP...you have been quiet lately. Thoughts? Questions? This thread has been hopping with varying opinions.

 

What say you?

[Philosoraptor]

Isn't everyone responsible for protecting themselves? Any time you have sex, whether with protection or without, you have the chance of reproduction. Whether or not this woman was trying to get pregnant is really beside the point, when the OP had every ability to prevent this with his own action. The OP accepted the risk when entering her unprotected.

 

Is it sneaky if this woman was trying to get pregnant, yes. Does the OP have anyone to blame but himself? No. He accepted the risk.

 

First you need to figure out if you want a baby right now. Next the two of you need to come up with a plan of action on how to proceed with your decision.

 

Other than rampant speculation by people not privy to the situation, I see nothing from the OP that states he has any reason to have not trusted his GF in the past. Personally, I would find more out about this disease and validate its existence. If she truly has an altered reproductive system and low chance of conceiving I can understand her tracking ovulation to see if it ever happens. And if the chance of conceiving is that low, I can understand her not wanting to give up this child as it may be the only time she ever gets pregnant.

 

Either way, there is a lot of speculation and mud slinging here. Nothing really productive to the OP. Some women plan pregnancies deceitfully, some men say they have low sperm count in order to not use a rubber... a deceitful person is a deceitful person. Only the OP can know from her previous actions, and the questions he asks now, if his GF is a deceitful person or if she's saying is true. None of this speculation is going to help him through this decision.

[kaylan]

Some of the men replying in this thread are ridiculous.

 

OP basically agreed that he wanted kids in the near future with this girl. He also pretty much told her he wanted to start trying to conceive as well.

 

Then he proceeds to have lots of unprotected sex with this woman, and now he pulls this "she tricked me" stunt? Gimme a fudging break. She didnt hoodwink this dude, and she never told him that she was unable to get pregnant.

 

If I was dating a woman like his gf, Id know that theres still a chance she could get pregnant, and that if I didnt want kids just yet, Id need to wear a condom. OP made his bed, and now its time to man up.

 

My first gf had reproductive issues, and we would stupidly indulge in unprotected sex as some dumb young people do. If she ended up pregnant, we would have both shared responsibility, and theres no way Id try and say I was tricked.

[Maleficent]

Kids..kids...take it outside.

 

 

OP...you have been quiet lately. Thoughts? Questions? This thread has been hopping with varying opinions.

 

What say you?

 

probably another sap looking for validation.

 

He either got his validation or he realized he should deal with this with his girlfriend instead of coming here and complain he got screwed (cause he didn't)

[Mint Sauce]

Whether or not this woman was trying to get pregnant is really beside the point

 

To the contrary, it is the only point. This 15 page thread is almost entirely off-topic. Nowhere does the OP say he regrets the pregnancy, he only takes issue with the apparent lack of transparency in her actions, i.e. to what extent she was actively trying to get pregnant.

 

Everything else is indeed just mud slinging between bitter men and entitled women, and an occasional egocentric "I'd take responsibility", while it's not about responsibility. It's about trust.

[yessy21]

Dude... you literally put your manhood in her womanhood and released 5,000,000 little cellular structures that carry your genetics in her.. almost every night for god knows how long... what did you think was going to happen in there?

 

I thought they teach this in the sixth grade?

 

Look, if your not ready just tell her. Its too late to take it back but at least be honest.

 

if your not happy about it, say so. if you love her then I don't know why ur freaking out.

[ascendotum]

Pretty much. And certainly if you were knowingly having sex for months without birth control.

 

Sex is a grown up activity with grown up risks and responsibilities. If you aren't prepared to have a baby, be a grown up and wear a rubber! 26 is way too old for claiming youth and ignorance about how babies are made.

 

A number of women on here are saying if the guy does not ever wear a rubber then he deserves to be a dad. Too bad if he's all for abortion. Yeh he took his chances even if she said it was a very small chance. His gf should just legitimately spent her $ on BC too instead of an ovulation kit.

So if women's new love of their life said he had had a vasectomy/sterile, do you expect women to stay on the pill for the next 6 or whatever yrs till they thought they would be ready to have a child just in case he was stooging them. How many guys are going to really want to wear condoms for the next 6 or whatever yrs until they feel they could take a chance and go bareback with their latest love who said she had a hysterectomy/polycystic ovary/tubal ligation. Not a lot.

[Philosoraptor]

To the contrary, it is the only point. This 15 page thread is almost entirely off-topic. Nowhere does the OP say he regrets the pregnancy, he only takes issue with the apparent lack of transparency in her actions, i.e. to what extent she was actively trying to get pregnant.

 

Everything else is indeed just mud slinging between bitter men and entitled women, and an occasional egocentric "I'd take responsibility", while it's not about responsibility. It's about trust.

Guess the point was lost by myself as well

 

OP has to ask her directly if this was planned. It may be harsh for her to hear, but if it's bothering him this much he needs to find out. The questions that were asked by him thus far had rational answers, but they just left him with more questions. As I pointed out, he needs to validate the disease, surgerys, and the effect on her chance of pregnancy. If that all checks out, and she has no prior history of deceitful behavior, then he needs to decide whether or not he can believe her. No one else, here or elsewhere, can decide for him that she is trustworthy or not.

[Maleficent]

To the contrary, it is the only point. This 15 page thread is almost entirely off-topic. Nowhere does the OP say he regrets the pregnancy, he only takes issue with the apparent lack of transparency in her actions, i.e. to what extent she was actively trying to get pregnant.

 

Everything else is indeed just mud slinging between bitter men and entitled women, and an occasional egocentric "I'd take responsibility", while it's not about responsibility. It's about trust.

 

When a man ejaculates inside a woman's vagina, there is a chance she will get pregnant. I've known this since I was a kid.

 

Basically, here we have a man here trying to put the blame on the pregnancy on his girlfriend 'trying to get pregnant behind his back' even though he told her he agree not using any type of birth control and said he wouldn't mind if she got pregnant anyway.

 

This isn't about trust. This is about him freaking out now that his girlfriend is pregnant and trying to look like he's been screwed when he clearly was not.

 

My ex was the same. 'My girlfriend can't get pregnant. She drinks too much and takes too much drugs.'

Well they have a beautiful one year old son now.

 

But even he knows that it wasn't entirely her fault she eventually got pregnant.

[Maleficent]

A number of women on here are saying if the guy does not ever wear a rubber then he deserves to be a dad. Too bad if he's all for abortion. Yeh he took his chances even if she said it was a very small chance. His gf should just legitimately spent her $ on BC too instead of an ovulation kit.

So if women's new love of their life said he had had a vasectomy/sterile, do you expect women to stay on the pill for the next 6 or whatever yrs till they thought they would be ready to have a child just in case he was stooging them. How many guys are going to really want to wear condoms for the next 6 or whatever yrs until they feel they could take a chance and go bareback with their latest love who said she had a hysterectomy/polycystic ovary/tubal ligation. Not a lot.

 

You don't take the pill only for birth control. I've been on the pill for a little over ten years. It regulates the menstrual cycle and makes PMS, well, non existent in my case.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Come on folks..

 

This is not a male/female issue.

 

Everyone is responsible for securing their future.

 

From disease or pregnancy.

 

Since the dawn of time women have claimed they could not have babies, ...just as men have claimed to be sterile...to end up pregnant...just as people have claimed to be "clean" and disease free...but end up passing STDS, just as people claim to be faithful who are not...

 

If you do not want to catch something or have a child, then you need to take that responsibility of your future. To do otherwise is foolish and you have no one to blame but you.

 

OP needs to fish or cut bait here. What's the plan?