GF got pregnant on purpose, I think

[Balzac]

My point was that even within a marriage or 18 yo child to parent, medical information is legally protected confidentiality. It's a piece of factual information we all find lack, even when making life changing decisions. A slippery slope is in the mix. At some moment in time, does one expect to share DNA profiles? Have a potential co-parent submit BRCA1 and BRCA2 results?

 

What medical science can provide versus what each individual chooses to accept as reasonable unknowns varies.

[Janesays]

You are crossing a line. This is never a decision that's taken lightly, and sometimes , as was in my case, its the best decision for everyone involved. We get it, you hate women, but god damn dude, I can't even follow you halfway to the places you go to sometimes.

 

 

Also, referring to the previous discussion, 240 $ is about right if his income is 1400 a month, it so it goes in the state of California.

 

I read up a lot on this, as it would have been what I would have payed at the time .

 

 

This is also assuming that his income NEVER increases. You know a woman can file for a child support increase every 2 years? So if, in the next 18-19 years, he EVER gets a better paying job, that amount is going to raise up.

 

My ex husband started out paying $600 a month for 2 kids when he was a young, broke pizza delivery man. But the time he became established in his career and making good income as a software developer, he was paying close to $3000.

[Maleficent]

You are crossing a line. This is never a decision that's taken lightly, and sometimes , as was in my case, its the best decision for everyone involved. We get it, you hate women, but god damn dude, I can't even follow you halfway to the places you go to sometimes.

 

 

Also, referring to the previous discussion, 240 $ is about right if his income is 1400 a month, it so it goes in the state of California.

 

I read up a lot on this, as it would have been what I would have payed at the time .

 

classy response.

see? I knew you could do it

[bentleychic]

Eh. Good for you. I personally tend to be a little on the shy side when in uncompromising positions, but, as you have pointed out, some women have no qualms about it.

 

Everyone IS different, true enough.

LOL I was one of those that was/is very modest, even during childbirth! (Which is hard to be modest during water births! LOL) ExH always stayed up by my head during exams, etc. Never saw anything. Shoot, he didn't even go down that way when the babies were born and refused to catch them (so I got to! LOL).

[Keenly]

Yes, that's the base cost, but children don't usually follow the plan the state sets up, you know? It's almost like they're little people.

 

Hell, pets don't even cost what they "should."

 

Yeah , you are not incorrect, but the amount is based on the obligers income. If he doesn't make a lot, she won't get a lot.

[Janesays]

LOL I was one of those that was/is very modest, even during childbirth! (Which is hard to be modest during water births! LOL) ExH always stayed up by my head during exams, etc. Never saw anything. Shoot, he didn't even go down that way when the babies were born and refused to catch them (so I got to! LOL).

 

You had a water birth!?!?! I don't want to hijack the thread or anything, so if you want to PM me, that will be great. I'm curious on how those go and if there is a higher risk? Did you do it at home or at a birthing center?

 

If you don't feel comfortable sharing, I understand. I'm on baby #1 and still not quite sure how I want to do things. Don't mean to be nosy!

[Treasa]

You had a water birth!?!?! I don't want to hijack the thread or anything, so if you want to PM me, that will be great. I'm curious on how those go and if there is a higher risk? Did you do it at home or at a birthing center?

 

If you don't feel comfortable sharing, I understand. I'm on baby #1 and still not quite sure how I want to do things. Don't mean to be nosy!

 

I'm not even pregnant, and I'm curious, too.

[Treasa]

Yeah , you are not incorrect, but the amount is based on the obligers income. If he doesn't make a lot, she won't get a lot.

 

Yes, but much like when you buy a car, there's a lot more that goes into it besides monthly car payments, you know? Checkups, repairs, oil changes, towing...I AM talking about the car, not a baby, but you get the idea.

 

A lot of child support will stipulate monthly payments PLUS half of medical expenses and such.

[CptSaveAho]

You are crossing a line. This is never a decision that's taken lightly, and sometimes , as was in my case, its the best decision for everyone involved. We get it, you hate women, but god damn dude, I can't even follow you halfway to the places you go to sometimes.

 

 

Also, referring to the previous discussion, 240 $ is about right if his income is 1400 a month, it so it goes in the state of California.

 

I read up a lot on this, as it would have been what I would have payed at the time .

 

If you call telling the truth crossing a line... then you have weak lines/boundaries.

 

People that can't follow me, allow women to use them dont get it and never will are pussies

 

I dont hate women, I hate feminsts/sluts/former cum dumpsters/users/people with low self esteem that try to pretend/lie/manipulate the truth to make themselves look better. These aren't "women".

 

Get your act together, you got hosed too just like OP. Responsible people dont put themselves in positions to get hosed is the overall point Im making

[bentleychic]

I had two water births. If I ever had another baby, I would TOTALLY do it again. They were FABULOUS. Do you want me to post a thread on the pregnancy board about it and you all can ask questions?

[Keenly]

If you call telling the truth crossing a line... then you have weak lines/boundaries.

 

People that can't follow me, allow women to use them dont get it and never will are pussies

 

I dont hate women, I hate feminsts/sluts/former cum dumpsters/users/people with low self esteem that try to pretend/lie/manipulate the truth to make themselves look better. These aren't "women".

 

Get your act together, you got hosed too just like OP. Responsible people dont put themselves in positions to get hosed is the overall point Im making

 

Okay captain hindsight. I'm sure you have never made any mistakes in your life. I think the Chevelle song " I get it " would apply.

[serial muse]

My point was that even within a marriage or 18 yo child to parent, medical information is legally protected confidentiality. It's a piece of factual information we all find lack, even when making life changing decisions. A slippery slope is in the mix. At some moment in time, does one expect to share DNA profiles? Have a potential co-parent submit BRCA1 and BRCA2 results?

 

What medical science can provide versus what each individual chooses to accept as reasonable unknowns varies.

 

I don't disagree with this. If it had been me, I would have asked to know more about her condition, understanding that she's shy about it and it's tough for her. And given that, if she were still unwilling to be open with me about it, I'd have said, OK, I don't want to press you on this, but I'd rather use a condom then, since I'm not really sure what the odds are of getting pregnant and I don't fully understand your situation.

 

By saying that, please note, I'm not saying that this girl, assuming she did not want to get pregnant, shouldn't have done the exact same thing. Of course she should!

 

But that's a far cry from saying anybody "tricked" anybody. As I said, at this point the biggest lie seems to have been on his part - he said he'd be OK if it happened, but instead, in his apparent panic, he's looking to blame her instead of just dealing with the consequences of a decision/mistake they made together.

Edited August 27, 2013 by serial muse

[CptSaveAho]

Between all the women posting in this thread

 

10000 men

10 engagements

4 failed marriages

kid given away to adoption

 

Yea lets take their advice

 

They still havent even connected the dots

 

Read their stories... from the posts they start...

 

--------------------------------------------

 

Its all OPs fault though according to their advice, he now has to deal with the backlash for the rest of their life

 

Ninja has pointed this out in all of his posts here as a warning

 

Be responsible, date quality people, if you dont trust her/she has low self esteem, dont put your penis in her

[bentleychic]

You had a water birth!?!?! I don't want to hijack the thread or anything, so if you want to PM me, that will be great. I'm curious on how those go and if there is a higher risk? Did you do it at home or at a birthing center?

 

If you don't feel comfortable sharing, I understand. I'm on baby #1 and still not quite sure how I want to do things. Don't mean to be nosy!

 

I'm not even pregnant, and I'm curious, too.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/pregnancy/420095-water-birth-q#post5170309

[CptSaveAho]

Okay captain hindsight. I'm sure you have never made any mistakes in your life. I think the Chevelle song " I get it " would apply.

 

I dated one bad person when I had low self esteem and I got burned... learned my lesson the first time... quit dating fixed myself

[It-is-what-it-is.]

As interesting as this thread has been, I think we need to go back to OPs questions.

 

First of all can we agree that you knowingly did not use birth control with the discussed understanding that if something happened you would be ok with it because your relationship is perfect.

 

Something happened.

 

You are now questioning the relationship, if not the actual child?

 

 

If the relationship was so perfect, does she have a history of manipulative behavior?

 

Does she have a pattern of lying?

 

If the answer to those is yes, then your relationship probably was not perfect and you can assume the worst motives.

 

If however the answer to those is no....and this type of deception is a clear departure from her normal behavior, could it be that she is telling the truth?

 

I want to point out a couple points you made...

 

She has (unconfirmed) Gyn issue that took an ovary and falopian tube.

She has always been shy/embarrassed about medical issues.

She doesn't want OP in room during vaginal /anal/breast exam (ok folks, lets just lay it out there, not the most comfortable or fun experience)

Relationship is progressing, is maybe thinking she needs to find out if she "ever" ovulates. (Ok could be going to doc for this, but see embarrassed above)

 

I am not telling you what to believe, but, just remember, if she is not lying...then the drama is ruining what could be a very happy time. And this is what she will remember.

 

And you did say you would be happy...

 

This has an easy enough solution. Have her sign the hippa form at her GYN so you can be consulted,informed about her pregnancy. Call the doctor and ask about her medical conditions. If you are going to be in a long term relationship you would want to stay informed anyway.

[Balzac]

Two things about this situation are common and yet sadly a burden on society. Despite a relationship and willingness to create a pregnancy, this girl/woman will receive subsidized prenatal and delivery costs. She will then very likely benefit from WIC, SNAP and subsidized childcare and cash to needy family. Meanwhile, this man can contribute monies voluntarily until an order for child support is ordered. If he so chooses he can buy a term life insurance policy, payable to a trust for his child. He can choose to lavish his child with any private education, vehicle, lessons or travel. It's the way of our culture. However, often children of these circumstances are marginalized from the moment of conception. Parenthood is fraught with challenges and it's not all about finances or capability but I find myself feeling pity for such children.

[harp]

Two things about this situation are common and yet sadly a burden on society. Despite a relationship and willingness to create a pregnancy, this girl/woman will receive subsidized prenatal and delivery costs. She will then very likely benefit from WIC, SNAP and subsidized childcare and cash to needy family. Meanwhile, this man can contribute monies voluntarily until an order for child support is ordered. If he so chooses he can buy a term life insurance policy, payable to a trust for his child. He can choose to lavish his child with any private education, vehicle, lessons or travel. It's the way of our culture. However, often children of these circumstances are marginalized from the moment of conception. Parenthood is fraught with challenges and it's not all about finances or capability but I find myself feeling pity for such children.

 

Considering we live in Canada, you may want to adjust that. We won't be getting subsidized prenatal and delivery because we don't pay for it (our taxes do). If child support is ordered I will be paying under $300/month, which is very cheap. My brother is a family lawyer. Even if I make $40,000/year I'll only be paying $360/month. In Canada, child support doesn't make you go broke. If the child needs medications, I will only be paying 10% because we only have to pay 20%. If the child needs to go to the doctor, it's "free".

[Treasa]

Considering we live in Canada, you may want to adjust that. We won't be getting subsidized prenatal and delivery because we don't pay for it (our taxes do). If child support is ordered I will be paying under $300/month, which is very cheap. My brother is a family lawyer. Even if I make $40,000/year I'll only be paying $360/month. In Canada, child support doesn't make you go broke. If the child needs medications, I will only be paying 10% because we only have to pay 20%. If the child needs to go to the doctor, it's "free".

 

This is more out of curiosity than anything, but what about activities, birthdays, etc. as the child gets older? Or are you saying to hell with all of that?

[Balzac]

Considering we live in Canada, you may want to adjust that. We won't be getting subsidized prenatal and delivery because we don't pay for it (our taxes do). If child support is ordered I will be paying under $300/month, which is very cheap. My brother is a family lawyer. Even if I make $40,000/year I'll only be paying $360/month. In Canada, child support doesn't make you go broke. If the child needs medications, I will only be paying 10% because we only have to pay 20%. If the child needs to go to the doctor, it's "free".

 

Thanks and I understand. I'm not in any way saying you aren't a stand up

guy. More to my point was how the USA system works.

Point of fact here is I feel compassion that feel blindsided. It cannot be your dream scenario to become a parent this way. To now question so many other factors involving trust. For that I'm sorry to read your story.

It's generous of you to share it and to take the hits here.

[Maleficent]

Considering we live in Canada, you may want to adjust that. We won't be getting subsidized prenatal and delivery because we don't pay for it (our taxes do). If child support is ordered I will be paying under $300/month, which is very cheap. My brother is a family lawyer. Even if I make $40,000/year I'll only be paying $360/month. In Canada, child support doesn't make you go broke. If the child needs medications, I will only be paying 10% because we only have to pay 20%. If the child needs to go to the doctor, it's "free".

 

Wow. I hope for your sake your girlfriend is not aware of this site. If I were her and I read this, I'd be so pissed.

 

The thing is, for the whole thread you've been worried about how this whole thing will affect YOU. I really don't get the feeling you care about what a pregnancy means to a 21 year old woman. Also the fact she is probably scared out of her wits because she may have a difficult pregnancy that could endanger her life and the life of your baby.

 

But hey! it won't make you go broke so it's all good.

[runningfar]

I would push for a planned parent hood option or invest in a clothes hanger or a tall flight of stairs and get yourself out of this situation. Something like "I love you but Im not ready to have children, lets do it later on after I get settled in my career " blah blah blah then dump her after its done

 

So, OP, Read this.

 

is THIS who you want to be?

 

[runningfar]

I actually cannot get pregnant.

But if I somehow did in all our unprotected sex, and the response was like this, I would be livid and never want to see the guy again. I sure hope you didn't share with her what you said here or you might not have to worry whether you want to be with her or not...

But, my boyfriend would never ever respond like this and even if we weren't planning to pursue adoption after the wedding.

[ForeverHopeful1]

Wow. I hope for your sake your girlfriend is not aware of this site. If I were her and I read this, I'd be so pissed.

 

The thing is, for the whole thread you've been worried about how this whole thing will affect YOU. I really don't get the feeling you care about what a pregnancy means to a 21 year old woman. Also the fact she is probably scared out of her wits because she may have a difficult pregnancy that could endanger her life and the life of your baby.

 

But hey! it won't make you go broke so it's all good.

 

Scared????????? Pffft. Maybe that 21 year old shouldn't have been trying to get pregnant behind his back. I don't disagree with a lot of what was said but women who aren't trying to get pregnant, don't use ovulation kits that cost $60-70 dollars for 7 (clearblue) to 20 (first response.) So this poor, scared 21 year old knew enough to spend a pretty penny on ovulation kits to wind up here. Sounds ridiculous to be scared when you plan things to tee. She PURPOSELY got pregnant, timed it all perfectly, didn't tell him until she was already 8-9 weeks pregnant.......... but we are going to play the poor 21 year old girl must be scared card? Give me a god damn break. Any woman testing for ovulation with pee sticks, is TRYING to get pregnant. She wanted this. Don't play the poor 21 year old being scared card. Its pathetic. She KNEW what she was doing and she was doing it behind her boyfriends back. Sheesh!!!

[bentleychic]

You can get ovulation predictors at the Dollar Tree now. $1 a test.

 

I actually DID use ovulation predictor kits back when exH and I were preventing pregnancy "naturally". Unfortunately, the dollar tree didn't sell them back then!