Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The way I see it... (and I'll try to give as much info from both sides) If she wasn't trying to get pregnant why would she hide the ovulation kit from me? Why not just tell me she was using it? She has always been shy/embarrassed/private about her medical issues. When she would go in for gyn appointments regarding her medical issues she wouldn't let me go into the room with her. I can see this going two ways. 1) She was actually shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, whatever and didn't want me in there. 2) She lied about her issues and didn't want me going in and finding out. So it's possible that she just felt embarrassed or whatever with having to use the ovulation kit. She always calls herself a gimp because of her issues, asks if I'd be happy without kids and thinks I could get someone better because she "can't" have kids. I told her I was happy with or without them. We've talked about the pregnancy and of course there are doctor appointments. She said she wants me to come to the ultrasound appointments but doesn't want me to come inside the checkup appointments. Why? What does she have to hide? She says it's "really awkward and embarrassing" and she "doesn't want me to realize the issues she has (even though I already know them) because it might make it more realistic and I'll want someone normal". Liar or actually embarrassed about her medical problems? She said she would have an abortion if I wanted her to, but was very upset about it and crying. She said she didn't know she was pregnant because she didn't expect it, at all. She recently went onto new medication for asthma that has nausea as a side effect. She says she blamed it on that. In regards to child support that everyone keeps mentioning. It would be about $240/month + half of daycare. She would get her daycare subsidized and it would end up $10/month. $245/month isn't going to break the bank. I'm not saying I'm going to leave her, but if it happened... She's been crying all the time because she thinks I'm not okay with the pregnancy. She's been asking if I'm having doubts about being with her (because she thinks she's not normal because of her medical issues). She thinks I wasn't serious about being okay with a baby and just said that because the chance was (supposed to be) really low. She doesn't think I want to be committed to her because of her medical issues. If you haven't noticed, she is very self-conscious about it. But I still can't tell if she got pregnant on purpose or not. It could go either way. I don't know. I get the feeling she's telling the truth. That being said, you have the right to be involved with checkups considering this is your baby, too, and you should know the information she's receiving. Just like you have the responsibility to wrap it up, she has the responsibility to share information about a child you both made, assuming she keeps the baby. If she's really embarrassed, she shouldn't have gotten naked with you. You are both responsible at this point. That being said, please be gentle on her. I'm sure this is all rough on her. 1
CptSaveAho Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I don't know. I get the feeling she's telling the truth. That being said, you have the right to be involved with checkups considering this is your baby, too, and you should know the information she's receiving. Just like you have the responsibility to wrap it up, she has the responsibility to share information about a child you both made, assuming she keeps the baby. If she's really embarrassed, she shouldn't have gotten naked with you. You are both responsible at this point. That being said, please be gentle on her. I'm sure this is all rough on her. Right you want him to be a submissive sucker like your current partner... You want her to be able to use and abuse OP like you do your guy and walk around and laugh about it I have nothing nice to say ............ without getting banned.... I cant believe some of the women on these forums... especially the ruined ones
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 In regards to child support that everyone keeps mentioning. It would be about $240/month + half of daycare. She would get her daycare subsidized and it would end up $10/month. $245/month isn't going to break the bank. I'm not saying I'm going to leave her, but if it happened... By the way, it's really cute how you think this will only cost you $245/month. This is your first child, isn't it? 1
Maleficent Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The way I see it... (and I'll try to give as much info from both sides) If she wasn't trying to get pregnant why would she hide the ovulation kit from me? Why not just tell me she was using it? She has always been shy/embarrassed/private about her medical issues. When she would go in for gyn appointments regarding her medical issues she wouldn't let me go into the room with her. I can see this going two ways. 1) She was actually shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, whatever and didn't want me in there. 2) She lied about her issues and didn't want me going in and finding out. So it's possible that she just felt embarrassed or whatever with having to use the ovulation kit. She always calls herself a gimp because of her issues, asks if I'd be happy without kids and thinks I could get someone better because she "can't" have kids. I told her I was happy with or without them. We've talked about the pregnancy and of course there are doctor appointments. She said she wants me to come to the ultrasound appointments but doesn't want me to come inside the checkup appointments. Why? What does she have to hide? She says it's "really awkward and embarrassing" and she "doesn't want me to realize the issues she has (even though I already know them) because it might make it more realistic and I'll want someone normal". Liar or actually embarrassed about her medical problems? She said she would have an abortion if I wanted her to, but was very upset about it and crying. She said she didn't know she was pregnant because she didn't expect it, at all. She recently went onto new medication for asthma that has nausea as a side effect. She says she blamed it on that. In regards to child support that everyone keeps mentioning. It would be about $240/month + half of daycare. She would get her daycare subsidized and it would end up $10/month. $245/month isn't going to break the bank. I'm not saying I'm going to leave her, but if it happened... She's been crying all the time because she thinks I'm not okay with the pregnancy. She's been asking if I'm having doubts about being with her (because she thinks she's not normal because of her medical issues). She thinks I wasn't serious about being okay with a baby and just said that because the chance was (supposed to be) really low. She doesn't think I want to be committed to her because of her medical issues. If you haven't noticed, she is very self-conscious about it. But I still can't tell if she got pregnant on purpose or not. It could go either way. Well if you want to know, you can simply straight up ask her. But remember that you screw up your part of the whole deal and came inside of her with no BC even though her doctor said it wasn't impossible she would get pregnant.
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Right you want him to be a submissive sucker like your current partner... You want her to be able to use and abuse OP like you do your guy and walk around and laugh about it I have nothing nice to say ............ without getting banned.... I cant believe some of the women on these forums... especially the ruined ones You can go ahead and send it to me in a PM.
Janesays Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Whether or not she wanted to get pregnant is a moot point. Personally, my thoughts are that if a man regularly puts his penis in a vagina unprotected, then on some level, he must WANT her to get pregnant. All this 'But she's a liar!' 'But she MANIPULATED me!" is laughable. Are you telling me this 26 year old man is so soft in the head and weak that a 21 old girl was able to run this game on him? If so, then he's too stupid to be a father. Men need to understand that they have reproductive choices too and QUIT DEPENDING ON WOMAN TO EDUCATE YOU. If I were a MAN who didn't want a child and some woman gave me some BS about "But the Dr said..." I would simply raise my eyebrow and say, "That's fine, sweety. But I'm going to use this condom just in case..." What is so wrong with asking a MAN to be responsible for HIS REPRODUCTIVE FUTURE! And part of that, is not believing every silly little stupid thing some 21 year old twit tells you! Wrap it up and quit acting like such weak willed little babies! Jeez! I feel so bad for the children being born to these jokers! 6
CptSaveAho Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 see OP this is whats going to happen to you................ Shes going to twist it and blame you Look at another girl that it happened to... projecting the blame on to you Fix it or face this for the rest of your life Whether or not she wanted to get pregnant is a moot point. Personally, my thoughts are that if a man regularly puts his penis in a vagina unprotected, then on some level, he must WANT her to get pregnant. All this 'But she's a liar!' 'But she MANIPULATED me!" is laughable. Are you telling me this 26 year old man is so soft in the head and weak that a 21 old girl was able to run this game on him? If so, then he's too stupid to be a father. Men need to understand that they have reproductive choices too and QUIT DEPENDING ON WOMAN TO EDUCATE YOU. If I were a MAN who didn't want a child and some woman gave me some BS about "But the Dr said..." I would simply raise my eyebrow and say, "That's fine, sweety. But I'm going to use this condom just in case..." What is so wrong with asking a MAN to be responsible for HIS REPRODUCTIVE FUTURE! And part of that, is not believing every silly little stupid thing some 21 year old twit tells you! Wrap it up and quit acting like such weak willed little babies! Jeez! I feel so bad for the children being born to these jokers! Hey look another one............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny how I called this on page 4 and it keeps happening Anyone else see a pattern here? After all it is your integrity that will be scrutinized and questioned, women get a free pass for being sensitive and helpless. . He even called it too OP Get an abortion
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 OP, is it possible that you're just really scared because now you're going to be a father? If so, I can't say I blame you. I think it's scary for just about everyone.
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 If she has any serious mental issues she could making this up in her head...also may have a strong fear of abandonment, she's also very sketchy on communication and raises more suspicions about her secrecy, the check-up part they might comment to her about her condition or might reveal something different than she's expressed to you. This whole medication thing sounds shady as well, it almost sounds like you're making this up or it's just entirely vague or she's full of excuses to cover up her true intentions/thoughts, there's not a lot of details to this story. I can't understand why she's be so extremely insecure and guarded about these medical issues considering that fact that she's supposedly pregnant. Without her elaborating on more and the general behavior and avoidance leads me to believe she is lying about something or not being entirely transparent about...and now she's very emotional and crying all the time...you've got to get to the bottom of what is really going here and why a seemingly stable and happy relationship as you described is falling apart at the seams possibly from something you both are half-way ok with...just doesn't add up right...it seems to me you are both lacking some critical communication here about this very immediate and important situation...maybe she's not even pregnant but sick. You have to find out exactly what she fears...you've got to show you you're going to be understanding and nurturing, I think she fears you won't be there to support here and seems a bit scared of telling the entire truth of things.
Janesays Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hey look another one............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Funny how I called this on page 4 and it keeps happening Anyone else see a pattern here? Gah! Dude, I'm telling you right here and now that if some guy EVER said to me, "We don't need to use protection because I have some rare medical condition that makes my sperm radioactive and unable to impregnate you..." I WOULD LAUGH IN HIS FACE AND CONTINUE TAKING MY PILL. I certainly wouldn't just TAKE HIS WORD for it and then cry like a Bhitch when I came up pregnant! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN REPRODUCTIVE FUTURE!!! 4
sweetjasmine Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The reason i believe she planned it, is that she got pregnant so fast, after only 8 months ... considering the damage to her body and the reduced chance of ovulation for a 20yr old woman compared to one say 30yrs old [not always when ovulation happens an eggs is released ... with her problems, the chances of an egg to reach her womb get smaller, so overall a smaller window of opportunity ... it required pretty good planning]. Your choice at this point. 8 months is not fast for a 20 year old when they're regularly having unprotected sex. When she would go in for gyn appointments regarding her medical issues she wouldn't let me go into the room with her. I can see this going two ways. 1) She was actually shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, whatever and didn't want me in there. 2) She lied about her issues and didn't want me going in and finding out. Honestly, I find your reaction to this very odd. I've never had my H accompany me to OB/GYN appointments and would only do that if we were pregnant. I don't go to the urologist with him, either. I'm not sure why you would expect her to have you come along. She said she would have an abortion if I wanted her to, but was very upset about it and crying. She said she didn't know she was pregnant because she didn't expect it, at all. She recently went onto new medication for asthma that has nausea as a side effect. She says she blamed it on that. ...and you still think she did this on purpose? Christ almighty. 1
serial muse Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The way I see it... (and I'll try to give as much info from both sides) If she wasn't trying to get pregnant why would she hide the ovulation kit from me? Why not just tell me she was using it? She has always been shy/embarrassed/private about her medical issues. When she would go in for gyn appointments regarding her medical issues she wouldn't let me go into the room with her. I can see this going two ways. 1) She was actually shy, embarrassed, uncomfortable, whatever and didn't want me in there. 2) She lied about her issues and didn't want me going in and finding out. So it's possible that she just felt embarrassed or whatever with having to use the ovulation kit. She always calls herself a gimp because of her issues, asks if I'd be happy without kids and thinks I could get someone better because she "can't" have kids. I told her I was happy with or without them. We've talked about the pregnancy and of course there are doctor appointments. She said she wants me to come to the ultrasound appointments but doesn't want me to come inside the checkup appointments. Why? What does she have to hide? She says it's "really awkward and embarrassing" and she "doesn't want me to realize the issues she has (even though I already know them) because it might make it more realistic and I'll want someone normal". Liar or actually embarrassed about her medical problems? She said she would have an abortion if I wanted her to, but was very upset about it and crying. She said she didn't know she was pregnant because she didn't expect it, at all. She recently went onto new medication for asthma that has nausea as a side effect. She says she blamed it on that. In regards to child support that everyone keeps mentioning. It would be about $240/month + half of daycare. She would get her daycare subsidized and it would end up $10/month. $245/month isn't going to break the bank. I'm not saying I'm going to leave her, but if it happened... She's been crying all the time because she thinks I'm not okay with the pregnancy. She's been asking if I'm having doubts about being with her (because she thinks she's not normal because of her medical issues). She thinks I wasn't serious about being okay with a baby and just said that because the chance was (supposed to be) really low. She doesn't think I want to be committed to her because of her medical issues. If you haven't noticed, she is very self-conscious about it. But I still can't tell if she got pregnant on purpose or not. It could go either way. Leave her. You're not OK with the pregnancy and you don't trust her and you probably never will. I agree that it sounds like you weren't serious about being OK with a baby and that you only said it because you didn't think it would happen. Also, she's already got self-esteem issues due to her medical conditions and you're using/interpreting those to mean she's lying to you. You're convinced by these people who see the worst in others because it makes them feel powerful? You wish to join their ranks? So end it then. Protect yourself. You don't owe anybody anything, she obviously lied and lied and lied to you to "entrap" you, and it's all her fault for everything. Done. Good luck in life. /disgusted 1
Balzac Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Have you ever had concerns about her intellectual capability to fully comprehend her medical diagnosis? I get that her emotional/psychological/immaturity issues play into this too. I also accept that IF her intention was to track ovulation in efforts to conceive - inspite of lack of understanding, the issue for you is her intent. What seems odd is her refusal to permit you into prenatal exams which normally are external measurements, exposure on of her abdomen. My take on that is she's very likely uninformed. You're dealing with a pregnant young girl. Whether she chooses to terminate or deliver, you've got 30+ weeks to come to some basic decisions. Longer on marriage/relationship decisions. I concur that paying child support is a non issue. Do you live together?
sweetjasmine Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Without her elaborating on more and the general behavior and avoidance leads me to believe she is lying about something or not being entirely transparent about...and now she's very emotional and crying all the time... Oh for F's sake. You clearly have no idea what it's like to go through the kind of trauma involved in sustaining damage to your reproductive system. Women are socialized to define themselves by their ability to bear children and become mothers. When your ability to have children is compromised, it can wreak havoc on your psyche, especially if you're only 20 years old. OF COURSE she's emotional and embarrassed by everything relating to her loss of half her reproductive system! It makes her feel damaged, like less of a woman. If you ever knew a woman who had fertility problems at a young age, you'd understand this. And she's emotional and crying because she thinks her boyfriend wants her to get an abortion. Because he's obviously not happy or comfortable with the situation. Because he thinks she lied to him and did it on purpose. Because he's not taking responsibility for his actions. Not to mention, she's probably terrified herself. And given the risk for complications based on her medical history, she damn well should be. It's not like this is a total mystery. 2
CptSaveAho Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 ...and you still think she did this on purpose? Christ almighty. No this isnt manipulation at all... making the guy feel guilty because of her low self esteem? "oh no honey, i really wanted this kid, lets keep it" Anybody with an ounce of self esteem/experience knows that women with low self esteem will pop a kid out because a kid "HAS" to love them (unconditionally) I wonder how many women in this thread did this/have done this and realize it was a big mistake after the fact? 1
serial muse Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I find it laughable that there are multiple men here suggesting that the women are all saying that the GF bears no blame. No. We're saying she didn't necessarily get pregnant on purpose; doesn't mean it wasn't dumb to not use protection. But then, that would make you both dumb, and apparently, that is verboten. There can be only one person at fault I guess, and it's the one with the XX chromosome. Such is the way of the Dating forum. 5
sweetjasmine Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 What seems odd is her refusal to permit you into prenatal exams which normally are external measurements, exposure on of her abdomen. They just found out about it. He mentioned GYN appointments related to her disease. I don't think she's denying him entry into the room for prenatal appointments and doubt that she's even had one yet. He did write, "When she would go..." which to me suggests appointments well in the past.
CptSaveAho Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 True. Plus I bet he paid for dinner a lot when they first started dating. SUCKA. Finally.... a woman calls it what it is Him being a "sucker" 1
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 True. Plus I bet he paid for dinner a lot when they first started dating. SUCKA. I think the sarcasm flew over him, hon. 3
CptSaveAho Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Yup because drseus never had a kid she didnt want? Oh wait she did 1
Balzac Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I'm fully aware of her legal right to medical privacy. That being said, she revealed "some level" of her medical history and diagnosis to him. Why she draws a line, balks about scheduling a consultation, fully clothed meeting w the physician to explain her diagnosis, not sure. He gains nothing from being present in a gynecological exam. Most physicians would have the patient fully clothed, in their office, to discuss a significant finding. She needs to understand her rights and how to handle giving him information. It's on him to trust second hand medical diagnosis from a young, inexperienced girl. Best case scenario would have been for him to fund out-of-pocket for an exam and consult, prior to taking no contraceptive action. He's learned from this. Unfortunately, as men, we have little control once a pregnancy is established. She chooses her own physician and lifestyle. We get to accept whatever consequences of that befall our child. Not every infant is normally healthy at birth.
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Unfortunately, as men, we have little control once a pregnancy is established. She chooses her own physician and lifestyle. We get to accept whatever consequences of that befall our child. Not every infant is normally healthy at birth. I'm so torn on this issue. I agree completely that men don't get much choice when it comes to this, and that sucks. On the other hand, I've had a pregnancy scare. Rights sort of go out of your mind when you realize there could be something happening to your body that will never affect the other person the way it affects you. Pre-pregnancy, her visits are her own, and he should wrap it if he has any doubts whatsoever about being a father. Post-pregnancy results, I think he has a right to be at check-ups while she is receiving pre-natal care.
Janesays Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I'm fully aware of her legal right to medical privacy. That being said, she revealed "some level" of her medical history and diagnosis to him. Why she draws a line, balks about scheduling a consultation, fully clothed meeting w the physician to explain her diagnosis, not sure. He gains nothing from being present in a gynecological exam. Most physicians would have the patient fully clothed, in their office, to discuss a significant finding. She needs to understand her rights and how to handle giving him information. As someone who IS currently pregnant, I will say that my first appointment with the OBGYN was NOT 'fully clothed' or just a simple discussion. I was naked and spread eagle on a bed and receiving a very intimate examination otherwise known as a pap smear. My second visit is going to include something pregnant women affectionately call a 'dildo cam.' Because of this, I did NOT take my fiance to my first visit. He would have come, but I preferred to wait to bring him after the nake-y visits including stirrups are over. They aren't generally able to do those 'outside tummy' examinations until the woman is much further along in her pregnancy. *cue music.... The more you know.... 6
Treasa Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I was naked and spread eagle on a bed and receiving a very intimate examination otherwise known as a pap smear. My second visit is going to include something pregnant women affectionately call a 'dildo cam.' As someone who hates all exams done with stirrups, I can't even imagine why a man would want to be present, except at the end to discuss anything important about the baby's care. 1
serial muse Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I'm fully aware of her legal right to medical privacy. That being said, she revealed "some level" of her medical history and diagnosis to him. Why she draws a line, balks about scheduling a consultation, fully clothed meeting w the physician to explain her diagnosis, not sure. He gains nothing from being present in a gynecological exam. Most physicians would have the patient fully clothed, in their office, to discuss a significant finding. She needs to understand her rights and how to handle giving him information. I am reading and rereading this post that the OP made most recently, and nowhere do I see him actually saying that she doesn't want him there for fully clothed consultations, though. What he says is that she didn't want him in the room during her gyno appointments in the past (no shocker there; I wouldn't either) and she doesn't want him during those same appointments now. I agree that if I were entrusting not having a baby solely to someone telling me that they've got a medical condition that makes it unlikely, then I'd want to arm myself with knowledge. But even telling me it's "unlikely" - which is what she apparently did - indicates that it's not a sure thing. I can't see a reason on God's green earth why someone would take that to mean "home free no babytimes". The OP says he was aware that it was a possibility and was OK with it; honestly, though, I think it's clear he's the one who lied about that. Possibly to himself as much as to her. But she's the one catching the heat for it.
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