harp Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) I've been with my GF for 22 months and contrary to how most of these situations are our relationship is pretty much perfect. We hardly ever fight, if we do it's resolved within the hour. We get along great, live together and we're both really happy. I'm 26, she's 21. When my GF and I started talking about BC she said she had a very low chance of conceiving naturally because she had 1 ovary and fallopian tube removed and part of the other fallopian tube removed, from some disease. She always got really upset about this and embarrassed so I assumed it true (plus it took 8 months to get pregnant). GF said her doctor said pregnancy was unlikely but not impossible if the egg and sperm met up at exactly the right time/place. We didn't have sex until we were together for 14 months and by then (and long before) I knew that I loved her and couldn't see my future without her. We've talked about marriage a lot and planned for in in the next 18-24 months or so. We decided not to use any form of BC because she would have a hard time getting pregnant and IF it did happen I wasn't worried about it because I knew we'd be fine (she's the only girl I've ever felt that way with). I found out a few days ago that she's pregnant. She's 8-9 weeks. She said she didn't know she was pregnant at first because she didn't expect to get pregnant. She was throwing up for days and I said to take a pregnancy test. She said "no, there's no chance I'm pregnant". Honest or good acting? Not only that but she pretty much tried to get pregnant. Now I know that I didn't use a condom and came in her every time, without her being on BC, so her getting pregnant I'm not mad about. BUT she used an ovulation kit thing to tell her the best time to try to get pregnant. But she still says "I didn't try to get pregnant but we didn't prevent it either". Now I don't know what to do. Everything was going so great. I don't understand why she would want to try for a baby without telling me. I'm confused as to whether I want to stay with her or not. Edited August 27, 2013 by harp
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) You got owned. You're screwed now...believed the story, now witness the reality. You should have looked into this yourself and been cautious about any woman feeding you any story, if not talked to the doctor about it yourself or at the least did some research. Doctors say a lot of things, especially to protect their liability or to stay on the unlikely/safe side of things...ask around, everyone has these "miracle" stories and not just about pregnancy. She didn't tell you because she didn't want you to know...she knew something was up, she knew what could happen...she locked you in now for the....rest...of...your...life. Take note of this story single guys out there. Look on the bright side though....at least this is what you wanted...you just didn't get to choose when that's all and since you and unprotected sex she's got you by the balls, she'll just say it's your fault as much as hers and to own up to it and she really didn't know/think it could happen. Good luck. Edited August 27, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas 5
heartshaped Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 My question in this is when did you find out she was using the ovulation kit? Are you certain she was using it for when the two of you should have sex and not for when you should not? Besides that, you said you weren't worried about the two of you conceiving, you get along great, you love her, and you are talking marriage so I don't really see what the problem is.. 6
Mint Sauce Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 how come you don't know which disease? Is she a frequent liar by omission? This deserves to be a time of crisis for the two of you. She has to come clean about her condition, her motives, and why she chose to leave you in the dark. Based on these answers, you can judge whether you can forgive or not. She's very young though...I'm afraid you're in for a rough ride with her, and I'm tempted to say "cut your losses", although that's almost impossible as she won't be willing to give up the child. this is a very painful situation you find yourself in, I'm sorry. 1
Author harp Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 My question in this is when did you find out she was using the ovulation kit? Are you certain she was using it for when the two of you should have sex and not for when you should not? Besides that, you said you weren't worried about the two of you conceiving, you get along great, you love her, and you are talking marriage so I don't really see what the problem is.. I found out she was using the ovulation kit when I found out she was pregnant. She said she was using it to see if she ever ovulated, because she only has 1 ovary, and that "we didn't usually have sex on the fertile days" apparently, "so she couldn't have planned it". But if we didn't have sex near those days she wouldn't be pregnant, so lie? The problem is her lying about it.. Trying to get pregnant behind my back. I don't know the name of the disease off the top of my head. What I do know is she had some infection/disease (not an STD) when she was younger that caused a lot of pain. She had to have parts removed to get rid of the chronic pain.
Mint Sauce Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 so the blame lies with both of you. If I read the OP correctly, it is not about who is to blame about an unwelcome pregnancy. In principle, the pregnancy isn't really unwelcome. The problem is that she undertook clear action to get pregnant while leaving him in the dark on such a crucial matter. It is deceit, no matter which way you turn it. An not just on some marginal matter, but on something life changing. My trust would be gone. 3
heartshaped Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Honestly, OP she might have used the ovulation kit behind your back and that I would find deceitful, but you had to have known there was a chance for her to get pregnant- you said so yourself and that you 'weren't worried about it'. Even if there was a low chance of her getting pregnant..having unprotected sex..you did realize that would lead to a child right, eventually? I mean..I don't really get your school of thought here. 7
Els Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 If I read the OP correctly, it is not about who is to blame about an unwelcome pregnancy. Are we reading the same OP? Because the very title reeks of blame to me. OP, you trusted her when she said you could have sex without a condom (you could've just used a condom, y'know...), trusted her when she talked about the low risk of pregnancy.... but now when push comes to shove, all trust is gone simply because you spotted an ovulation calendar? I have one too, btw, and we're not even having vaginal intercourse - it's because I like to track when my periods come. Sheesh. The time to be cautious and mistrustful was BEFORE putting your unwrapped penis in her. You're about 8 months too late, I'm afraid. Frankly, I think you either live under a bridge or have a few cups missing from the cupboard. If she had genuinely just wanted to 'trick' you into becoming a dad, she wouldn't have waited 14 months to have sex, and then waited another 8 months after that to become pregnant. 8
phineas Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Cumming in a vagina can lead to a baby........ If the OP is of sound mind he'd realize that. And to assume the female in question was trying to get pregnant shows a lack of trust within the relationship. He should be talking to HER, not us. I realize some women try to get pregnant with lying about BC or purposely tampering with BC. But OP was happily blowing loads for months allllll up in there. Because she said she couldn't get pregnant? DUH. OP is a moron & his GF is deceitful harpy. Yet another child that will end up the product of a single parent household. Well done. I dated women my own age (40) who told me they hate rubbers, they're fixed, & they don't want me pulling out because of the mess. Then talk super sexy to me about how good it would feel to fill them up & just wanting me to blow in them. I'm sorry, but they seem just a little too cum crazy for my own tastes & when I tell them ahead of time its a rubber or nothing they have actually disappeared on me. LOL! I'll be getting myself fixed at the end of the yr because i'm do not want any more kids. Late 30's, early 40's is still young enough to get pregnant and I've already got 2 child support payments. A 3rd will put me in my parents basement. 2
xxoo Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) We decided not to use any form of BC because she would have a hard time getting pregnant and IF it did happen I wasn't worried about it because I knew we'd be fine (she's the only girl I've ever felt that way with). . If you aren't using birth control, you are working on getting pregnant. Especially after a conversation like that--it sounds like you both agreed to let pregnancy happen sooner than later because you assumed she'd have ore difficulty getting pg. I seriously don't understand ejaculating inside a woman for months and then accusing her of getting pregnant on purpose. She didn't say she was infertile! Edited August 27, 2013 by xxoo 14
Shepp Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The girls done nothing wrong - you knew the risks she laid them right out for you - Not likely but not impossible. You decided that you wouldn't use a Johnny because it was not likely but not Impossible and because "if it did happen you knew you'd be fine" Well guess what buddy, it happened! - don't blame your girl! 17
Joaquin Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 This is poor form on yr part. U cum inside a girl knowing she's not on any form of BC then plead blissful ignorance about the birds and the bees when she conceives. She may well have had a low chance of conception, but low does not equal zero. I think u are playing dumb here. Man up....daddy. 11
Mint Sauce Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 so her getting pregnant I'm not mad about. Isn't this clear? He's not blaming her for getting pregnant, he's blaming her for not being fully transparent regarding her wish and actions to become pregnant ASAP. Fear of infertility is perhaps the driving force behind her actions, but it's not an excuse to keep her BF poorly informed of her attempts to time intercourse optimally. She made the baby HER project, rather than THEIR project.
Shepp Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 he's blaming her for not being fully transparent regarding her wish and actions to become pregnant ASAP. Where are you getting that it was her wish to become pregnant from? 6
Mint Sauce Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 He's taken issue with her use of an ovulation kit but what if everything else she's said was true? She'd still be pregnant and he'd still be partially responsible. I think he'd probably be happy there's a baby underway with a woman he loves. But now he has a baby underway with a woman he no longer trusts. Huge difference. As I understand the story, he doesn't really mind the pregnancy, but he suddenly has doubts about the nature of the woman that is going to give birth to his child.
Mint Sauce Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Where are you getting that it was her wish to become pregnant from? The gut feeling of the OP that his GF timed intercourse based on ovulation time.
Els Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I think he'd probably be happy there's a baby underway with a woman he loves. But now he has a baby underway with a woman he no longer trusts. Huge difference. As I understand the story, he doesn't really mind the pregnancy, but he suddenly has doubts about the nature of the woman that is going to give birth to his child. The only thing that even makes him doubt her is an ovulation kit. Which, trust me, women use for a multitude of other reasons. Including NOT getting pregnant. Being so blase as to do her bareback for 8 months, and then freaking out over an ovulation kit.... is kinda like leaving your parachute behind when you jump out of an airplane because you think people don't die when they fall in water, and then freaking out because you remembered that the person who told you that was your brother and you noticed him going to the bank yesterday so you all of a sudden wondered if he was getting life insurance on you and was trying to kill you to get it paid out. 9
Shepp Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The gut feeling of the OP that his GF timed intercourse based on ovulation time. But that, without even asking her why she was using it, is frankly ridiculous! My gf used to use an ovulation kit to decrease the chance of getting pregnant before we got together ...which when looking at the facts: the doctors told her she'd have to time it to a T to get pregnant, her bf doesn't wear a Johnny, she's not on BC .... Is surely the most likely reason for her to be using one!! Then again if he jumps straight to thinking the worst of her straight away maybe there relationship wasn't all he said it was! 5
Mint Sauce Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The only thing that even makes him doubt her is an ovulation kit. Which, trust me, women use for a multitude of other reasons. Including NOT getting pregnant. I agree that from a distance that's not solid evidence, but his gut feeling must count for something. Either he's panicking because he's not ok with a pregnancy, but that is in contradiction with his OP, or there is a combination of elements that make him doubt her and we must take that at face value.
StanMusial Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 This might be helpful, in your situation. https://www.greyhound.com/farefinder/step1.aspx 1
serial muse Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I agree that from a distance that's not solid evidence, but his gut feeling must count for something. Either he's panicking because he's not ok with a pregnancy, but that is in contradiction with his OP, or there is a combination of elements that make him doubt her and we must take that at face value. I am still not getting why he thinks it was on purpose. I see nothing in that post to support that, and as for his gut feelings, his OP, frankly, is all over the place. I suspect he's panicking and, yes, looking for someone to blame, because it's fun to talk about being OK with babies in the abstract, but now it's a reality. Hey, OP, come back and settle this one for us, K? Why are you so quick to assume the worst here, when you were perfectly ready to have a baby with her before, by your own admission, and when you were perfectly OK with having unprotected sex and damn the consequences? Is there some reason you suspect your girlfriend of nefarious intentions now, all of a sudden? Lay it out for us, because otherwise peoples' speculations will run rampant, like they usually do. 6
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The problem is her lying about it.. Trying to get pregnant behind my back She didn't try...she succeeded. Many women are not going to be focused on the "deceit" because they feel having sex without protection is basically equivalent to signing up for parenthood, they're not going to discuss that w you necessarily they've already got their own rules for how things work. If she tells you to jump out of a plane because she said you will very likely not be hurt at all if ever...then you jump and kill yourself she'll just tell you... "Well I didn't say there wasn't a chance you could die...after all you jumped out of a plane...what are you stupid...you should have worn a parachute, it's not my fault, do I have to tell you that could end this way...everyone knows you can die jumping out of a damn plane...I didn't know for sure it would happen anyway...you were having fun screaming the whole way anyway you weren't complaining on the way down" Then smack you hit floor! But hey you'll learn....the hard way. Yes she told you she had some strange disease or issue or whatever...but that's not the point now, she's looking forward unless she's having some serious doubts or something...she's not likely to ever admit she deceived you either so you can give that up, and for some women it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Everything that was said or done yesterday goes out the window for many women, they're not rational or fair about, when they want something they try and make it happen and they're often sneaky about it and you're just standing there with that stupid look on your face trying to figure it out and make sense of it all because you have this blind trust. If she was really worried...you'd have found out sooner or she would have not been so comfortable along the way...once the bc was out she was curious to see if she could get knocked up and once she knew she kept to herself until she felt there was no going back, she went out of her way to get an ovulation thingy so you're really telling me she's that clueless and naive...yeah right, hard to believe only her age leaves me some very small doubt but still...that's what I think what happened. Oh well, at least you love the girl and want to marry her and didn't mind if she got knocked up...for now, be careful what you wish for...pregnancies happen just like this all the time. I feel sorry for you and I hope I'm wrong about something at least...but I don't know man, you may never know and at this point might not make a big difference anyway...this sounds like another young love story that doesn't last. 1
Els Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 "She went out of her way to get an ovulation thingy" is still being used as proof that gf is absolutely purposefully trying to get herself pregnant out of deceit and the OP is just the naive innocent bystander? Seriously, some people should just be locked in chastity belts until they learn biology. Real biology, not the 'biology means men want to spread their seed RAWRR' BS. 5
Ninjainpajamas Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Any idiot sexually active person should know when in a woman's cycle she is ovulating. And when she is, not to cum in her vagina because that's how you make babies. Sperm doesn't always abide to the Mayan ovulation calender exactly either. That's not a smart way to prevent pregnancy, more so to increase the chances of.
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