marina123 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Me and my boyfriend of 8 months (5 of which were LDR) ended it 2 weeks ago. It was a very amicable breakup, I started NC and I am trying to heal and move on. Something does not give me peace though and I was hoping someone here has gone through the same and could shed some light on my behavior. Me and my BF were friends for a few months before we started dating. For the first 3 weeks of the relationship, we connected and had great convos. Then we had a 2 month break and he came to visit for 1 month. I have NO idea what happened. He was the same - kind, sweet, considerate. But I noticed myself talking and sharing less during our time together. He noticed it and pointed out numerous times that "you are not talking. you should be talking." I tried. I noticed myself growing slightly tense and uneasy during meals, but I tried even though I ended up asking questions I've asked before or the convo ended up feeling forced. Then we had 3 months of LDR which was OK since we spoke on skype 1-2 a week until the last month when we spoke everyday. We shared things, connected. Then he came to visit for another 1month and a half and things started going downhill. Other things were happening in the relationship as well, but I noticed myself feeling SO tense and uneasy before every meal! I noticed myself trying to come up with talking points way in advance so that I could avoid the silence. We had some nice talks and connected, but most of the time it was awkward silence or we would end up missing each other or get into a conflict. So our communication suffered because of me and is one of the reasons we broke it off. I really tried but I couldn't understand why I acted the way I did and the more I tried the more tense and uneasy I felt. Isn't this stuff supposed to come naturally?? I don't get it because noone in my entire life has ever told me that I don't speak enough and need to talk. Noone. That's why it is so incomprehensible to me why I acted this way towards someone I cared about Has anyone had any experience with this or could shed some insight? It would be so appreciated. I'd hate for it to happen in another relationship. Thank you!
esteem-jam Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 No, not your fault at all. Remember that saying that "sometimes you can sit with a friend for 5 mins in complete silence and feel that it was the best talk of your life" ? When you feel uneasy, there is usually a reason for that. I have been told that I am untalkative. But that is BS. People accept you, or they dont. When they start to complain be this and that they try to mold you into something else, which you are not, that will usually bring another uneasiness on top. Awkwardness happens a lot in LDRs. Even in plain relationships, not romantic ones, plain friendships too. 1
Sparkle304 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The chemistry wasn't there and it was your body physically reacting to that lack of chemistry. In other words, your body was trying to propel you out of this doomed relationship. Listen to your body....you'll be surprised what it is telling you! It's not uncommon for people to ignore the physical signs of an incompatible relationship: constant headaches, weight gain/loss, increased stress levels etc. Your body often knows well before you do! 1
Author marina123 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Lacking chemistry...I never really thought about that but I guess it does explain some of the other things I was feeling and I noticed - the fact that he almost always initiated intimacy and that I was kind of relieved when he was done, faking orgasms or just plain simply the fact that I feel like I lost my sense of humor. Friends have always said that I am a funny person and yet I don't remember having a big good laugh with him Ah, he is just such a wonderful person and great guy. I liked him and cared for him so much. I honestly thought there is no way I cannot fall in love with a person like that. I really really wanted it to work. That's why I was and still am so puzzled I was behaving the way I did and not talking...Ah, makes me all feel so sad and horrible :'(
Sparkle304 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 It's VERY frustrating when everything looks great on paper, but the magic is missing 1
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