kat1012 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 My boyfriend of 8 months dumped me a few weeks ago. He was my first. Two weeks before he dumped me he started getting cold and distant. When I asked him if anything wrong between us or asked him out, he wouldn't reply, but he would still reply other non-relationship related messages. So I called him up one day and it was then he broke up on me saying "we are comfortable but it doesn't mean this is going anywhere." He said he has been thinking for a few weeks, which included the weeks when he was still very keen on asking me out. He said he originally planned to let it fade out. And he said that time he apologized for not replying my messages before it's because he want to be friendly and polite. He laid out the friendship card saying we can still hang out during weekends, which I understand people do it to make them feel less guilty After the break up, I drunk texted him once the night after the break up which he replied. And a few days later, I commented on his facebook once which he also replied. But we haven't really talked to each other since then. We had fun when we hanged out, and I actually agreed with him that we had no future as a couple. Even when we were still together, I sometimes questioned our future together, and I started feeling I put more effort into the relationship than he did. I really loved spending time with him so I never did anything about it. My friends say there's no point to try to pursue a friendship with him as he didn't really care about me to begin with. I am not looking for dating him again, but he is a fun guy to talk to. Do you think friendship is possible in a non-mutual break-up?
Riou Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I think it is possible after a while of not contacting since you both enjoy each other's company. You should be glad he bothered to distance from you and act cold..mine let me on until the day she broke up with me and then become like a total stranger like i owe her something. 2
melell Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The history is always there, I don't think it is something that can be arranged. Prior to my most recent break up, my ex had broken up with me before, we remained close friends, which soon become more, and then we were together for another 5 years. It works if both parties view things exactly the time, and I think this is rare. Ie Both see reconciliation as a possibility- but this is more like dating with a friends label. Or, maybe both see the split as final, and there are no residual feelings- whether positive or negative. This is so so rare. Deciding to be friends really needs to be based on the feelings you still have, and if they are romantic then it is just going to be really really hard- the exception being he feels the same. 1
Author kat1012 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I think it is possible after a while of not contacting since you both enjoy each other's company. You should be glad he bothered to distance from you and act cold..mine let me on until the day she broke up with me and then become like a total stranger like i owe her something. Yea it wasn't that big of a blow I thought it would be when he said those words since I knew something was up before the official break up, and I had already prepared myself a bit before I made that call. But that time I commented on his FB few days after we broke up, he said how creepy it was people hiding on their boats and there's no one on the beach. I jokingly suggested him to bring some VS models next time. And soon I realized it may be a bit offensive if he went with female friends, so I texted him asking if he went with girls 'cause if he did he could delete the comment if they may get offended by it (I added a bit of "haha" "lol" in between). He didn't reply. I realized I might have thought too much and he might have got the idea that I was jealous and was trying to see if he's dating anyone now, which is not the case at all! He didn't block me from facebook afterwards. But I still regret sending that stupid text! And there's been no contact for 3 weeks
northdevon Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 My ex told my friend the day after we broke up she still loves me. And that she still wants to be friends because I am an amazing person. WHAT?! If I am such an amazing person she would try to save it rather than not. I'm not being her friend. She doesn't deserve it. She wants me back in her life she can do the running, but I doubt she will. She just wants to know I'm getting better so she won't feel as guilty.
keepontruckin Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 You cannot be friends with your ex, is my opinion. You shouldn't, I wouldn't, and there is no reason to be. My friends are all idiots, but they are there, and I can visit them. They don't judge me, and are willing to put up with my presence... An ex that tore out my heart, and stomped on it, will never be a "friend" to me. I'm not saying that people cannot get "reacquainted" as time passes, and perhaps even date again, but staying friends with a dead fish? No way. 1
Soat Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Listen to me, you will NEVER EVER be friends with an ex in the long run! In the short run you can't be friends with an ex because it doesn't allow you to move on. By the time you're over the person, both sides have lost any interest and moved on to other relationships. I have seen this MANY time, all my friends who claimed to be "friends with exs" years later admitted they weren't really friends anymore. Sorry, it's just how life works. 1
supaflyz Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I know a few people that are friends with their ex. I guess it takes awhile for the feelings to go away before they start talking again. At first I wanted to be friends with my ex after she broke up with me. Now that I have time to reflect on the relationship, I realized she did a lot of bad things. For awhile, I was blaming myself. That wasn't a very pleasant situation. I didn't have the eating or sleeping problem. HOwever, I wasn't motivated to do anything. Now I've been jogging everyday and working on myself. I got a 6 pack now. Something that I've been working all my life to get, but never got till now lol. I'm also beginning to talk to other women. I don't think I could be friendly with my ex. Nothing is impossible though.
barky2 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I'm friends with all my exs But they were exs from 10+ years ago that only reconnected just recently. When can you be friends? When you can walk up to her ( or him) pregnant with someone else and your genuinely happy for them. A girl I dated for like 6 months when I was 14..just got back in touch with me a month ago She's engaged with 2 kids Did it bother me? Hell no, I wished her and her kids well. Friends? Not really. But I could care less she's with someone else. That's the only time you can be friends. Just my 2 cents BarkyBarky
Author kat1012 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Some of my friends say they still in contact with their ex, not really close I think but like talk to each other once a while. Some say being friends with ex is a bad idea I know he is not the kind of person who has the guts to do relationship talks (He asked me if I am his girlfriend through TEXT one month after we started seeing each other) But I was mad at him originally planned to just let it fade out and leave me to figure it out by myself. I don't know if dumpers like to do that but I feel like he didn't even care about the relationship enough to properly end it. But then he was still friendly with his texts during that "fading out" period and once apologized for not replying some of my text. And it's not like he treats me like a complete stranger. I don't think I have romantic feelings for him now, and I really don't see us having a future even if we really date again. He is a fun person to hang out with. So I feel like it's such a shame to loose a fun person to talk to. But sometimes I don't know if I want to be friends with him just because I put in a lot of effort in the relationship and in the end it's just all gone.
barky2 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Could you see him walking up to you with his pregnant girlfriend today while you go get gas in your car and not feel a thing? If not, then id leave it be for awhile. Barky
reddragon588 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Yes, you can be friends with an ex. But why would you really want to? You have to ask yourself if you really want to be friends with them because you want to be friends, or if there is an always going to be an ulterior motive to the friendship.
Author kat1012 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Could you see him walking up to you with his pregnant girlfriend today while you go get gas in your car and not feel a thing? If not, then id leave it be for awhile. Barky That sounds like a good idea to see how much I have moved on lol. I am fine with him dating other girls, but I guess actually seeing it would be different lol. At least he never puts anything that has to do with his relationship on facebook, so we can still stay friends on FB.
Author kat1012 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Yes, you can be friends with an ex. But why would you really want to? You have to ask yourself if you really want to be friends with them because you want to be friends, or if there is an always going to be an ulterior motive to the friendship. I really just want to stay friends. He is right about us not going anyway. I dont see myself moving in or having a future with him, we are just so different when it comes to handling issues and problems, making decisions and I know it's gonna drive me crazy if we really do live together in the future. So why bother date him again lol
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