Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 we all know about no using no contact to get an ex back, and its to improve yourself yada yada. but there's always 2 sides of that argument. i was wondering did n/c ever work to get the dumper to come back?? if so, how much time did it take?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Jiminy, NC isn't to wait around for your ex to contact you. It's to work on yourself. Hell, if you actually do NC for the right reasons and you actually use it to work on yourself, you might be able to be the one to break it way, way, way into the future. But you really need to get over the "NC is a game to make your ex miss you" thing to get to that point. And starting more threads asking the same thing isn't going to yield a magic answer that you want to hear. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Jiminy, NC isn't to wait around for your ex to contact you. It's to work on yourself. Hell, if you actually do NC for the right reasons and you actually use it to work on yourself, you might be able to be the one to break it way, way, way into the future. But you really need to get over the "NC is a game to make your ex miss you" thing to get to that point. And starting more threads asking the same thing isn't going to yield a magic answer that you want to hear. idk man, i'm not saying i want to use it to get her back. i'm just curious if it ever worked. because theres ppl telling me to use it to get her back.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 idk man, i'm not saying i want to use it to get her back. i'm just curious if it ever worked. because theres ppl telling me to use it to get her back. Sure it has. But it's not a very good shot. It's a better shot than hassling her and trying to stay in contact, which is why people are advising you to do it. But if you are relying on it primarily to get her back, then it's not going to be very effective. From your threads, it really sounds like you need to branch out and expand your horizons. Use NC to become a better, more well-rounded person. If you do it right, you won't even care if you get back with your ex or not because you will have more stuff going on. You want to get to a point where you want a girlfriend, not need a girlfriend. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Sure it has. But it's not a very good shot. It's a better shot than hassling her and trying to stay in contact, which is why people are advising you to do it. But if you are relying on it primarily to get her back, then it's not going to be very effective. From your threads, it really sounds like you need to branch out and expand your horizons. Use NC to become a better, more well-rounded person. If you do it right, you won't even care if you get back with your ex or not because you will have more stuff going on. You want to get to a point where you want a girlfriend, not need a girlfriend. yeah, after what all of you have been saying, i feel a lot better. my feelings a fading, but slowly. i'm starting to think of the bad times we shared not only the good. no contact has helped though.
BC1980 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 It's also stressful to use NC for the purpose of trying to get back together. It ends up being a lot of work just to not talk to someone.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 yeah, after what all of you have been saying, i feel a lot better. my feelings a fading, but slowly. i'm starting to think of the bad times we shared not only the good. no contact has helped though. It's a process and it takes time. I would say the first thing you need to do is stop analyzing every thing she's ever told you. That, more than anything, tends to keep dumpees in a funk. I was an overthinking mess after the ex that brought me to this site dumped me, replaying everything in my mind that we did and that she said to me. But I realized that once she broke up with me, the stuff she said before didn't really matter. Slowly I stopped replaying this stuff in my mind because I realized how pointless it was. In fact, I was talking to my ex a month ago about hanging out (after two months LC, five-plus months NC and increasing LC for a couple months) and after saying she wanted to hang out as friends, she started rehashing stuff that went down during our break after having been pretty silent on it. After explaining myself briefly, I actually told my ex that I had no interesting in rehashing or harboring things from the past and that I thought it was pointless. If you would have told me in the first two months of LC that I'd actually say something like that to her, I would have looked at you like you were crazy I actually got to the point where I had moved forward and she was stuck. Never thought that would happen but because of not only going NC, but using that NC to better myself and settle down, it did.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 It's a process and it takes time. I would say the first thing you need to do is stop analyzing every thing she's ever told you. That, more than anything, tends to keep dumpees in a funk. I was an overthinking mess after the ex that brought me to this site dumped me, replaying everything in my mind that we did and that she said to me. But I realized that once she broke up with me, the stuff she said before didn't really matter. Slowly I stopped replaying this stuff in my mind because I realized how pointless it was. In fact, I was talking to my ex a month ago about hanging out (after two months LC, five-plus months NC and increasing LC for a couple months) and after saying she wanted to hang out as friends, she started rehashing stuff that went down during our break after having been pretty silent on it. After explaining myself briefly, I actually told my ex that I had no interesting in rehashing or harboring things from the past and that I thought it was pointless. If you would have told me in the first two months of LC that I'd actually say something like that to her, I would have looked at you like you were crazy I actually got to the point where I had moved forward and she was stuck. Never thought that would happen but because of not only going NC, but using that NC to better myself and settle down, it did. i hope i feel that way. i want that power, to reverse roles and have her feeling the way i do now.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 i hope i feel that way. i want that power, to reverse roles and have her feeling the way i do now. Honestly, I was shocked when she started bringing up all of this stuff up. I was like "Really?" She hadn't talked about it at all, at least not to me, and I just figured she didn't care and moved on. Turned out not to be the case. Everyone else I told about it was like 'WTF?" as well. But yeah, I feel as if everyone involved except for her is back to zero right now. My ex is the sister-in-law of my best friend, so my best friend got the brunt of my "woe is me" ramblings in the months following the break and it was weird between me and his wife (who I had known for years before I met the ex) for a while. But when I saw her this weekend at a wedding for another friend (which came a month after my ex went into rehashy mode with me), it was just like it was before the break happened. It completely re-set, which was awesome. I even had lunch with my buddy, my ex's sister and my ex's parents (at their request) and it went well and there was no mention of my ex by anyone at the table -- a complete reset. I didn't want my ex to feel the way I had felt and I'm not gloating that she was. I just thought it was funny that after all the pain and anguish I felt, I actually came out better than ever. The fact that she's struggling just reinforced the fact that I handled this whole thing the right way. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Honestly, I was shocked when she started bringing up all of this stuff up. I was like "Really?" She hadn't talked about it at all, at least not to me, and I just figured she didn't care and moved on. Turned out not to be the case. Everyone else I told about it was like 'WTF?" as well. But yeah, I feel as if everyone involved except for her is back to zero right now. My ex is the sister-in-law of my best friend, so my best friend got the brunt of my "woe is me" ramblings in the months following the break and it was weird between me and his wife (who I had known for years before I met the ex) for a while. But when I saw her this weekend at a wedding for another friend (which came a month after my ex went into rehashy mode with me), it was just like it was before the break happened. It completely re-set, which was awesome. I even had lunch with my buddy, my ex's sister and my ex's parents (at their request) and it went well and there was no mention of my ex by anyone at the table -- a complete reset. I didn't want my ex to feel the way I had felt and I'm not gloating that she was. I just thought it was funny that after all the pain and anguish I felt, I actually came out better than ever. The fact that she's struggling just reinforced the fact that I handled this whole thing the right way. thanks for that story.. this really changed my whole outlook on what i've been dealing with. i don't want to miss my ex anymore... i want to better myself and possibly find someone better. i want to tell my ex one day "your loss." haha
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 thanks for that story.. this really changed my whole outlook on what i've been dealing with. i don't want to miss my ex anymore... i want to better myself and possibly find someone better. i want to tell my ex one day "your loss." haha That's the right attitude At the very least, if your ex does reappear and the two of you decide to give in another run, you want to be in position to be in a brand-new relationship with her, or at least as new as possible. You don't want the relationship you had with her, because it didn't work. If you do get back together with her, you want to be an improved you and you want her to be an improved her. There's no way you want to repeat this whole breakup again. The wedding I attended was for a couple who broke up and reconciled after nearly a year apart. They stayed away from each other for the most part, worked on what they needed to work on (for my friend, it was unresolved feelings for another woman and some maturity issues) and they decided to give it a second go. My sister is getting married in March to a man who she was broken up with over a year in a pretty contentious break. She told me that her fiance had stuff he had to work on and she had stuff she had to work on before she was able to even consider observing the changes he made. Both her and my friend told me that the biggest reasons why they were able to reconcile, and why it stuck, was because they went ahead and worked on themselves with no expectations of getting back with their exes. They moved on from the previous relationship so when the second relationship started, it was almost as if it was with a new person. They also told me that if they hadn't moved on from their eventual spouses, they never would have gotten back together with them successfully.
Blastoplast Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Don't EVER expect or WANT to get an ex back until you're completely over them, for starters. That way if you're curious and you decide to meet up you can look at them in a completely unbiased light. You use no contact because every time you text them, think about them, call them -- it just brings back good memories. You don't tend to remember the bad things that added up to make the relationship end. Every time I find myself pining for my EX, I think about how much of a c.u.n.t. she was to me at the end, selfish, not honest and belittling me for every ****ing thing. Not to mention being dead as a bonefish in the sack, that one really makes me not want to even think about being with her again.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 That's the right attitude At the very least, if your ex does reappear and the two of you decide to give in another run, you want to be in position to be in a brand-new relationship with her, or at least as new as possible. You don't want the relationship you had with her, because it didn't work. If you do get back together with her, you want to be an improved you and you want her to be an improved her. There's no way you want to repeat this whole breakup again. The wedding I attended was for a couple who broke up and reconciled after nearly a year apart. They stayed away from each other for the most part, worked on what they needed to work on (for my friend, it was unresolved feelings for another woman and some maturity issues) and they decided to give it a second go. My sister is getting married in March to a man who she was broken up with over a year in a pretty contentious break. She told me that her fiance had stuff he had to work on and she had stuff she had to work on before she was able to even consider observing the changes he made. Both her and my friend told me that the biggest reasons why they were able to reconcile, and why it stuck, was because they went ahead and worked on themselves with no expectations of getting back with their exes. They moved on from the previous relationship so when the second relationship started, it was almost as if it was with a new person. They also told me that if they hadn't moved on from their eventual spouses, they never would have gotten back together with them successfully. my sister just got back into a relationship after being dumped by the guy 2 years ago. for the past year he chased her but she wasn't interested..but gave in. now things are going good for her..so ppl do get back together all the time, i'm just hoping in my case, i'm happy no matter what happens.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 my sister just got back into a relationship after being dumped by the guy 2 years ago. for the past year he chased her but she wasn't interested..but gave in. now things are going good for her..so ppl do get back together all the time, i'm just hoping in my case, i'm happy no matter what happens. That's where you want to be. And you'll get there -- though it will definitely suck for a while.
nerdlingZA Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Chances of getting your Ex back by using NC are rare , especially if your Ex is with someone else , in my case Ex dumpedme for another guy , I wouldn't apply NC coz I was emotionally ****ed everyday I didn't speak to her but after 3months of begging I applied NC , after 5months of NC she starts talking to me , NC helped me moving on its better than hoping for something that won't happen
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Chances of getting your Ex back by using NC are rare , especially if your Ex is with someone else , in my case Ex dumpedme for another guy , I wouldn't apply NC coz I was emotionally ****ed everyday I didn't speak to her but after 3months of begging I applied NC , after 5months of NC she starts talking to me , NC helped me moving on its better than hoping for something that won't happen well at least my ex didn't leave me for someone else, in fact she hates other men right now. sucks because she's jaded, and i have no chance with her while she's acting like this.
malin819 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 My ex dumper me 3 times The first time she came back after a week (I didnt beg, NC) Second time took 3 weeks but when she broke up I begged and called, txted Now its the third time and I have broken NC yesterday since she decided to pop at my hairdresser and give me **** because I was NOT responding to HER txts. Keep NC and whatever happen will happen but keep in mind...you broke up for a reason
LifeIsGreat Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 3 years ago my g/f of 2 years broke up with me. We had the conversation over the phone. I told her I respect her opinion and went complete NC. I worked on myself, moved on, dated some others which included a recent relationship of 1 year. I bumped into her a few months ago. We said hello and she said we should meet up and catch up. So, we met for a couple beers and had fun. We have been spending time together and even went away on a small vacation for a few days last week. We haven't made any promises to each other, and frankly I don't think I really want her back anyway; but, we are content being friends. If I wanted to, I know I could actually get her back though. Pining for ex's is a complete waste of time and will just make it harder for you to move on with someone else.
Sasa123 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 NC is a win/win situation. Two things can happen: you will get over your ex or she/he will come back. That's why NC is good. Maybe you'll you initiate NC because you want her back, but as time goes you'll move on. IF you are meant for each other, then she'll have the time to miss you, and learn from her mistakes (and you aswell). My old ex (years ago) came back to me after a 8 months of NC. He was even more in love with me than before, and said I really changed for the better. Sadly he hadn't, and that's the thing... Most of the times you won't even want your ex back, because time will make you grow to a much stronger and independent person. At the moment my current ex wants to meet after 3 months of NC. Time will tell how that goes, I met him for five minutes the other day and I was surprised how far I've come since last time I saw him. 1
joe86 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 My break up was a week ago on Sunday, last week we were in touch a few times, just while 'it' settled in for me. Now, as much as I'd be willing to try things again, there's really no point in wanting that too much because it'd never work unless the other person wants it just as much. So that's where NC comes in for me. She has to want to contact me.
Mariposa10 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have and what's going on in your life. I really really liked this article: Why Maintaining Contact With Your Ex Is Crucial | | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng What do you guys think about it?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have and what's going on in your life. I really really liked this article: Why Maintaining Contact With Your Ex Is Crucial | | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng What do you guys think about it? Don't agree with it in the slightest, especially in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. Now after you have healed and done NC and settled down, then it might have some value. But it's a horrible idea right after a breakup to "check up" on the person who dumped you. Awful. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Don't agree with it in the slightest, especially in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. Now after you have healed and done NC and settled down, then it might have some value. But it's a horrible idea right after a breakup to "check up" on the person who dumped you. Awful. my ex at first kept checking in on me after she dumped me for about a month.. acted like everything was okay for a while too. i was trying to do N/C but couldn't ignore her.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 my ex at first kept checking in on me after she dumped me for about a month.. acted like everything was okay for a while too. i was trying to do N/C but couldn't ignore her. Well, now you need to.
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