Virtuosity Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hello LS ! Need some advice... How does one stopped being attracted to someone if they know there can never be a relationship? There is a woman at work who has made it clear that she's interested in me but due to many factors we can't date, even though I do find her quite attractive. My last relationship ended about 4 years ago and I haven't dated anyone since. In fact, this is the first woman I've been attracted to in all that time. This makes the situation even worse - I know that it takes a lot for me to find someone compelling enough to date, and here is someone I would like to date, but we can't date . So basically I'd like to somehow "turn off" my attraction towards her. Any suggestions?
D-Lish Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 It's pretty hard to turn off your attraction for someone because you can't choose whom you are attracted to. I have a major crush on a guy I work with, but he has a long-time serious gf- and I would never in a million years interfere with that. I blush around him, and get tongue-tied when he talks to me- I can't even look him in the eye without turning as red as a tomato. Regardless, I just keep my head down and make a point not to look at him. I wish I didn't feel affected, but I do. I just make a point to avoid, avoid, avoid. I don't look in his direction, I don't talk to him unless I have to, and I've never mentioned him, or admitted my crush to anyone. I'd start by distancing yourself physically. Proximity can often heighten attraction- so try and be where she isn't if that's possible. 1
Author Virtuosity Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 It's pretty hard to turn off your attraction for someone because you can't choose whom you are attracted to. I have a major crush on a guy I work with, but he has a long-time serious gf- and I would never in a million years interfere with that. I blush around him, and get tongue-tied when he talks to me- I can't even look him in the eye without turning as red as a tomato. Regardless, I just keep my head down and make a point not to look at him. I wish I didn't feel affected, but I do. I just make a point to avoid, avoid, avoid. I don't look in his direction, I don't talk to him unless I have to, and I've never mentioned him, or admitted my crush to anyone. I'd start by distancing yourself physically. Proximity can often heighten attraction- so try and be where she isn't if that's possible. Thanks for the response! It is more difficult at work because I do see her everyday, but I do avoid talking to her as much as possible. I'm her indirect supervisor (which is why we can't date) so she does come to me with questions from time to time so I can't avoid her completely. Ultimately I think it will just have to fade at some point, but I'm afraid that as long as I'm crushing on her, I may not be open to other women that I may be compatible with.
D-Lish Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks for the response! It is more difficult at work because I do see her everyday, but I do avoid talking to her as much as possible. I'm her indirect supervisor (which is why we can't date) so she does come to me with questions from time to time so I can't avoid her completely. Ultimately I think it will just have to fade at some point, but I'm afraid that as long as I'm crushing on her, I may not be open to other women that I may be compatible with. Maybe make a concerted effort to date other people? Nothing wipes out a crush faster than a new crush. You probably have this woman on a pedestal currently, so you'll compare other women to her. There is no rule against dating where I work, and I did date an indirect supervisor before he was transferred- which meant I had to transfer to another shift and department to avoid any appearance or possibility of impropriety. Try OLD to meet someone outside of work, and keep your mind open. As I said, you can't help how you feel- but if you know it can't happen, or won't ever happen- you have to distance yourself from her as much as possible. 2
ThaWholigan Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Echo what D-Lish said. I completely understand your predicament - when you find someone who ticks the boxes that many don't but its a complicated situation. Best way to deal with that is simply to attempt to move on by dating women until someone of a similar compatibility with more availability comes along . 2
jacg89 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hello LS ! Need some advice... How does one stopped being attracted to someone if they know there can never be a relationship? There is a woman at work who has made it clear that she's interested in me but due to many factors we can't date, even though I do find her quite attractive. My last relationship ended about 4 years ago and I haven't dated anyone since. In fact, this is the first woman I've been attracted to in all that time. This makes the situation even worse - I know that it takes a lot for me to find someone compelling enough to date, and here is someone I would like to date, but we can't date . So basically I'd like to somehow "turn off" my attraction towards her. Any suggestions? You can't help who you like.. there is no way that you can 'turn off' an attraction to a person... I am in the EXACT same situation rn. I am pushing it with this guy... We are so close but we just can't be together... yet. It may work out in the future, but at this time... nope. So what I plan on doing is keeping myself busy. Staying far, far away. Do what you enjoy (hobby wise), go out, and keep your mind off things.. You should consider that, too? Hey... who knows how serious of a job this is, but if you really are falling in the hole, consider looking for a new job? I know it sounds nuts.. but its an option, worse case scenario? I am in the same rut, so I don't know if my tips have been any good.. but good luck with everything! because I know how it feels. 1
Author Virtuosity Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Thanks for the advice everybody! I agree with everything that you have been saying. Really I have to distance myself as much as possible - OLD, staying busy, whatever I have to do. I think part of me was trying to figure out a way to date her anyways, but I really have to let that go. I have to let go of the notion that "the heart knows what it wants" and let my brain take the lead.
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