Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Whoa whoa whoa. Yea he should move on but come on people. You are not in the r/s to know what is going on only he does. If she said for him to fix himself its because she does care about him. There must be some tension going on that she told you this. Like you people say, r/s come and go they come and go so everyone should stick with a person who is dependent?. She prob did it for his own good. Only she knows him and only he knows the r/s and what is going on. Maybe she has her own problems. If you guys really knew love you would understand. What you say is true about NC , that matters but she is not a bad person. You people also say relationships come and go and then you tell me go find yourself someone who really cares? Yea this is reality and the reality of it is you guys don't know the r/s (as I said) and all you are doing is contradicting yourself with what is love and what is not thank you! she really doe's care about me too... out of every guy in her past, she cut them off cold turkey. she stuck around with me after the break up because she cares, we even went on vacation together this summer.. she does want the best for me and she said she has to work on her own problems.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Yeah...if you had SO much potential and ARE the perfect husband, why is she not there? If you were so perfect to her, then WHY would she leave? When something is so special to someone, they would FIGHT to hold onto it. She wouldn't let you go in fear you would be gone. She is saying very nice things to you to try and let you down easy. I think you're a good dude because you obviously care about her and you obviously have strong emotions which are amazing traits to have. I have no doubt what she says has truth to it because you probably will make a good husband someday, but its not with her. Everything she is coming up with (too much sex, you being overdependent, whatever whatever) is her trying to find faults to justify to herself why she left. In reality, there are reasons deep that you dont know and you might find out one day and I hope you will be over this to not care. This is where you need to NOT contact her, move on, learn some lessons, and keep living life. she can't be with me right now because we fought way too much. i'm not perfect, i hurt her at times, and drove her crazy. i didn't give her space to think, and rushed things which was a big problem for us.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 depends how old you are and how your career is shaping up, improve then check back in with her, it is not like you want to give up on her, so try, but she can't be that hard to replace, there's lots of smiley girls out there well she has a very successful career making 6 digits, but as for me i'm not on her level. but she says its not about the money, its about being happy.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) she can't be with me right now because we fought way too much. i'm not perfect, i hurt her at times, and drove her crazy. i didn't give her space to think, and rushed things which was a big problem for us. Jimmy, brother..... you create a thread a day asking the same questions and saying the same things, but at the same time, arent looking at the big picture here. I'm not hating at all, because I know what this is like. WAY too well. Every single phrase that she has uttered has been uttered to me, to you, and to thousands on this site. Were all on the same team, and those that have been here for a while have seen this way too much, sadly. What she is telling you and her actions are two completely things. Mine said "you are the one" "I still love you so much" "I promise you on everything I'm coming back" "I just need some space" "Give me time to miss you" "I want us to have children"....the list goes on. BUT her actions were a different thing. The saying "actions speak louder than words" echo HARD in situations like this. She is saying EVERYTHING that you want to hear to have you believe she needs time and space and everything will be good between you two. Yes, too much arguing and driving the person crazy whatever whatever might be reasons, but it extends much farther than you can see. The biggest picture here that is noticeable is that she does not want to be with you now and a VERY VERY strong notion of ever. Thats why people say no contact all the time because you NEED to heal and move on from this. I promise you Jimmy, things get better with time but you HAVE to believe that it will. Edit: Six Digits?!?! SHARE SOME WEALTH MAN!!!!!!! lol Edited August 27, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The "you are going to be a perfect husband to SOMEONE someday" pretty much gave away her overall intentions. If she felt that you would be the perfect husband for her, she never would have let you go in the first place. Jiminy, you are trying so hard to spin this in your favor and trying to give yourself false hope. If she told you to drop dead, you'd probably find some way to spin it into some sort of false hope. 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 This is why I listen to what Simon says (pun intended). Simon has helped out a bunch back at the end of last year with all my stuff, and can help you too.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Edit: Six Digits?!?! SHARE SOME WEALTH MAN!!!!!!! lol 6 digits! but that's not me, thats her. i'm not a golddigger btw.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 6 digits! but that's not me, thats her. i'm not a golddigger btw. Oh s***. Misread that. I was hoping that was you!! That would have been awesome because Id tell you go to go skydiving or something like that.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 The "you are going to be a perfect husband to SOMEONE someday" pretty much gave away her overall intentions. If she felt that you would be the perfect husband for her, she never would have let you go in the first place. Jiminy, you are trying so hard to spin this in your favor and trying to give yourself false hope. If she told you to drop dead, you'd probably find some way to spin it into some sort of false hope. well when she had to tell her friends and family that we broke up... she said that "we weren't on the same page right now." that one day, i'll be ready. she told me this analogy... about how the ppl she picks are like apples. she never goes for the ones on the ground, because they're no good. she always picks the ones at the top. i asked her which apple am i then? she replied "an apple at the top, just not ripe yet."
clairedunham Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Hey my brother has a job where he gets paid less than his fiancee and hasn't graduated college and is 29. His fiancee is a lawyer and she is 27
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Oh s***. Misread that. I was hoping that was you!! That would have been awesome because Id tell you go to go skydiving or something like that. lol i wish! but she has it made, it was nice being spoiled during the relationship haha.
clairedunham Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 well when she had to tell her friends and family that we broke up... she said that "we weren't on the same page right now." that one day, i'll be ready. she told me this analogy... about how the ppl she picks are like apples. she never goes for the ones on the ground, because they're no good. she always picks the ones at the top. i asked her which apple am i then? she replied "an apple at the top, just not ripe yet." Do your thing then man. Maybe she thinks you're just being to dependent on the r/s
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) well when she had to tell her friends and family that we broke up... she said that "we weren't on the same page right now." that one day, i'll be ready. she told me this analogy... about how the ppl she picks are like apples. she never goes for the ones on the ground, because they're no good. she always picks the ones at the top. i asked her which apple am i then? she replied "an apple at the top, just not ripe yet." There you go again. Stop doing that. You are being blinded by the white noise. Right now she doesn't want you and she doesn't want to be in contact with you. Literally nothing else matters. The more you focus on crap like that, the more you hurt your recovery and your evolution as a person. You are overthinking and overanalyzing and not listening to anything anyone has to say. That's fairly normal at this stage, but it's not remotely productive at all. Every breakup has little things like that that the dumpee can spin into false hope. But the dumpees that get back with their exes ignore the white noise. I know I sound negative as hell, but you need negative. Your mentality right now is destructive. You need to stop looking at the colored bubbles and accept the situation for what it is. You are broken up. All of the crap you are trying to use for inspiration that she "really wants me" is null and void. If she wants you, she'll let you know and there will be no room for interpretation because it will be obvious. But if that ever happens and you continue to retard your recovery process, you are just going to jump back into the same flawed relationship, which will end with the same flawed result. Stop trying to psychoanalyze everything. And going back to the analogy she came, she wouldn't have given away the apple tree if she really wanted the apples. Edited August 27, 2013 by Simon Phoenix 2
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 She's been pretty cruel to you, regardless of any smothering you might have done. Did you maintain friends and hobbies separate from your relationship? This is critical if you want to have a successful relationship. Spend some time doing this now, and setting yourself up a good support network before jumping into the next relationship. friends with her? hobbies with her?
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 friends with her? hobbies with her? No, she was asking if you had friends or hobbies separate from her.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Correct. .. actually, i stopped doing some of my hobbies i use to do before the relationship. as for my friends, i don't keep close friends anymore (another story), i pretty much keep to myself.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 actually, i stopped doing some of my hobbies i use to do before the relationship. as for my friends, i don't keep close friends anymore (another story), i pretty much keep to myself. Well, this is your chance to branch out. No wonder why your ex felt smothered -- it sounds like she was the focus of your world. Take this opportunity to meet new people and do new things. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Well, this is your chance to branch out. No wonder why your ex felt smothered -- it sounds like she was the focus of your world. Take this opportunity to meet new people and do new things. did i mention our relationship became distant.. she moved 5 hours away and we only saw each other once a month. i couldn't help but "smother" her because i missed her too much during our long distance relationship. i wanted to spend all my time with her when she came home, because it was only a weekend. my opportunities were slim.
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 did i mention our relationship became distant.. she moved 5 hours away and we only saw each other once a month. i couldn't help but "smother" her because i missed her too much during our long distance relationship. i wanted to spend all my time with her when she came home, because it was only a weekend. my opportunities were slim. If anything, this response reinforces the need for you to find some other outlets. 1
reddragon588 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 actually, i stopped doing some of my hobbies i use to do before the relationship. as for my friends, i don't keep close friends anymore (another story), i pretty much keep to myself. I did the same thing. It is important to keep your individuality in a relationship. Otherwise, you become boring to your partner. When you maintain individuality, when you keep your hobbies, when you keep your friends, you are more interesting as a person in general, and in particular to your partner. Take this time to re-establish yourself. Text a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Think of a hobby you haven't put much effort into in a while. Think of a new interest to pick up! 2
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Fatal mistake. Never, ever give up on your hobbies, your career aspirations, your things that separate you from your relationship. If you put all your eggs in one basket, the break up is a million times harder to get past. You can incorporate your partner into these things as the relationship goes on, but you should always have some time away from them. For example, every Monday night, I go to a trivia night. Anyone I'm dating, knows that on Mondays, I eat pub food with my mates and play trivia. The are welcome to come along. But trivia does not get ditched to sit at home with them, unless someone died or something equally earth-shattering. That's my time, with my friends, and I embrace it. You need to have a group of friends, you need to have a hobby or two, you need to have a plan about where your life is going to go and you need to plan, that you might end up doing without a relationship (for Godsakes, this is SERIOUSLY important for women, but that is another topic). So spend some time working on these things. You'll be a better person (and consequently, a better partner) for it. well here's the thing, a big part of my life is sports and art and guess what so is the same with my ex. she's a real gamer babe. we would always go to baseball, basketball, and football games. she admired me for my photography and painting. i was so drawn to her because her favorite teams are mines, and she is a hell of an artist too! its hard to find someone who appreciates art and sports the same way i do. our styles and compatibility are almost perfect. thats why it's been hard to let her go. because all these things i love remind me of her. the last thing i told her was "its been hard for me to let go of you, because i know i'll never find someone who shares the same qualities as you. there's nothing left for me to say, so goodbye." 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 So what things did you "stop" when you started dating your ex? Those are the things you should restart. 1
jesse93 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 you sound a lot like the situation I ended up in with my ex, I ended up losing a lot of my friends, and my girlfriend ended up becoming the main part of my life for 2 years out of the 4 year relationship, she ended up becoming the only friend I had the only person I could express my feelings to and as hard as she tried to get me "out and about" to meet new people, make new friends I was too depressed at the time, so I ended up making her my one and only, the only person I needed in my life to be happy, of course I wanted to make new friends and such, but I felt like it was such a bad point in my life, so I didn't even try, anyway here I am now she dumped me and the past couple of days its been hitting me pretty hard "wow, I don't have any friends.. I don't have anyone to talk to all I have left is me" I've realized how hard it is when I put my heart and soul into this one girl, this girl I thought would be forever, then poof she's gone and here I am left with no one to talk to, no one to support me through this break up besides this lovely site of course. Huge mistake, that is all I'll say, I regret making her my priority, my only source of happiness. Now is your chance to find a new source of happiness, make friends go out, go to the gym associate yourself with other people, because having no one is one of the worse feelings ever, I've almost had a break down a few times just because I feel so lonely, I feel like I have no support. Not saying this is how you feel, but I honestly believe you should get out there and enjoy yourself find new hobbies there is much more fun things to do besides art and sports find something new embrace life and what it has to offer.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 you sound a lot like the situation I ended up in with my ex, I ended up losing a lot of my friends, and my girlfriend ended up becoming the main part of my life for 2 years out of the 4 year relationship, she ended up becoming the only friend I had the only person I could express my feelings to and as hard as she tried to get me "out and about" to meet new people, make new friends I was too depressed at the time, so I ended up making her my one and only, the only person I needed in my life to be happy, of course I wanted to make new friends and such, but I felt like it was such a bad point in my life, so I didn't even try, anyway here I am now she dumped me and the past couple of days its been hitting me pretty hard "wow, I don't have any friends.. I don't have anyone to talk to all I have left is me" I've realized how hard it is when I put my heart and soul into this one girl, this girl I thought would be forever, then poof she's gone and here I am left with no one to talk to, no one to support me through this break up besides this lovely site of course. Huge mistake, that is all I'll say, I regret making her my priority, my only source of happiness. Now is your chance to find a new source of happiness, make friends go out, go to the gym associate yourself with other people, because having no one is one of the worse feelings ever, I've almost had a break down a few times just because I feel so lonely, I feel like I have no support. Not saying this is how you feel, but I honestly believe you should get out there and enjoy yourself find new hobbies there is much more fun things to do besides art and sports find something new embrace life and what it has to offer. dude! exactly i feel the same way, no support system, being depress and breaking down now and then. it sucks because my ex was my best friend...the only person i could turn to for help, she's was always there, but now she's out of my life and i'm in so much pain. i have no one to turn to except this site. 1
clairedunham Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 dude! exactly i feel the same way, no support system, being depress and breaking down now and then. it sucks because my ex was my best friend...the only person i could turn to for help, she's was always there, but now she's out of my life and i'm in so much pain. i have no one to turn to except this site. you have to learn not to let your bf/gf be your only best friend
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