Do you think he will come back?

[happy stillmore]

Hollygolytely,

If your mm is not showing signs of leaving, please don't waste one more day, hour or minute waiting for him. I got fed up because I felt like my xMM was not fighting for us. He was honoring his wife's orders to not text and could not leave the house alone. He was not fighting her about that! How does a relationship exist like that? It doesn't so I finally got mad. Well, he gave me the decision that I knew he would make. Stayed where he was because he promised to "take care"of his wife and children. I was a dreamer to think he would have the guts to leave and be on his own. It stinks all around. When I really think about it, I know I'm better off. Our life together would have been stressful. His wife and girls would hate me. He didn't make any money. (Not that I look at how much a guy makes but from now, I only see guys who can live independently on their own as appealing). My xMM was financially dependent on his wife. I knew he wasn't going to leave. I hated that I was lied to and felt used.

 

If I were you, I'd end with mm if you haven't already. I would do things for myself. Find things I like to do. I recently bought an expensive digital camera. I'm going to try to learn Photography. I want to get back into yoga. You will find strength in knowing you don't need anyone to be happy. If you become happy in yourself, you will be a positive person. I believe positive people attract other positive people. Married people in affairs are negative energies. They are lying and hurting everyone, including themselves. Negative people attract pain. I would rather be alone than with some who brought me pain.

 

Besides, life is too short to settle for scraps off the table.

[Red Wolverine]

He may come back for an affair...but chances are slim he will come back and say he's getting a divorce and wants to be with you only.

 

Even then...say, "No."

 

My xMM came back after I ended it with grand proclamations of love, a plan to divorce, and a timeline.

 

Four months later, steps had been taken but nothing that couldn't be undone.

 

I believe everything he said was the truth. He loved me. He wanted to spend his life with me. He knew it would be difficult but he couldn't lose me again.

 

In the end, his weakness led to him staying. Weakness so apparent he couldn't face me. Weakness that led to an honest man becoming a liar to try and save his image when his wife was told.

 

That's just what I know up to that point. Who knows what's happened since.

 

Then there's me. I'm one of the most honest and strong women you could ever meet. While I felt like myself and was so happy in love with this man whose presence warmed my heart, inside I was dying. Yes, I jumped with both feet. Yes, I knew this was against everything I believed in but I still did it.

 

Thankfully, I also knew it had to end. No games, no ultimatums, no empty promises. Self-respect is not negotiable. No one who truly loves you would put you through this without a plan for the situation to end.

 

Since most don't willingly end it, there's your answer, Selfish, weak cowards.

 

I take complete responsibility for my part in this. I also give myself credit for ending it, being accountable, and resolving to never do this again.

 

There is no excuse for this, even if you have an explanation. It's a lifetime sentence to know you played a part in hurting an innocent person. No escaping it.

[thefooloftheyear]

Even then...say, "No."

 

My xMM came back after I ended it with grand proclamations of love, a plan to divorce, and a timeline.

 

Four months later, steps had been taken but nothing that couldn't be undone.

 

I believe everything he said was the truth. He loved me. He wanted to spend his life with me. He knew it would be difficult but he couldn't lose me again.

 

In the end, his weakness led to him staying. Weakness so apparent he couldn't face me. Weakness that led to an honest man becoming a liar to try and save his image when his wife was told.

 

That's just what I know up to that point. Who knows what's happened since.

 

Then there's me. I'm one of the most honest and strong women you could ever meet. While I felt like myself and was so happy in love with this man whose presence warmed my heart, inside I was dying. Yes, I jumped with both feet. Yes, I knew this was against everything I believed in but I still did it.

 

Thankfully, I also knew it had to end. No games, no ultimatums, no empty promises. Self-respect is not negotiable. No one who truly loves you would put you through this without a plan for the situation to end.

 

Since most don't willingly end it, there's your answer, Selfish, weak cowards.

 

I take complete responsibility for my part in this. I also give myself credit for ending it, being accountable, and resolving to never do this again.

 

There is no excuse for this, even if you have an explanation. It's a lifetime sentence to know you played a part in hurting an innocent person. No escaping it.

 

Very well said.....

 

TFY

[LilGirlandOW]

(W)MM seem to be 90% all the same, all about themselves.

 

My dog is going to have puppies soon, the only friend I told about the A, asked if I would name the loser of the litter (the runt) MM, lol.

[jacg89]

Good for you for not waiting....

 

but like everybody else said, its all a game, and to anyone else that may be in this situation with the 'kids' excuse : RUUUNNNNN!!!

 

good luck

[happy stillmore]

LilgirlandOWPil,

 

Ha ha! I am not sure I would even call the runt MM because sometimes the runts are stronger than you know. They have had to fight to survive. MMs don't fight. They take the easy road to survive. Stay where it is safe even if they aren't happy.

 

I would agree to say all MMs are dogs. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

[fanine]

Wow, lol... lemme guess, his humility is what she loves the most about him??

 

Yikes, how can anyone say something like that with a straight face.

 

Ha my xMM would say to me, my wife will never love anyone else except me, I am her world....he said she would never cheat on him or leave him. it didn't seem to work the other way around though considering the way he treated her and all the affairs and women he had...

[TaintedLuv]

Ha my xMM would say to me, my wife will never love anyone else except me, I am her world....he said she would never cheat on him or leave him. it didn't seem to work the other way around though considering the way he treated her and all the affairs and women he had...

 

Did she know he was a cheater? Pretty sure if she did, she wouldn't take his crap. I tell my MM all the time that he tricked his W. she wanted a baby so bad but if she knew what her H was doing, I'd think shed prefer to have one with a man that treated her better and wasn't doing it because he felt bad for her and guilty.

[HollyGolightlly]

 

Then there's me. I'm one of the most honest and strong women you could ever meet. While I felt like myself and was so happy in love with this man whose presence warmed my heart, inside I was dying. Yes, I jumped with both feet. Yes, I knew this was against everything I believed in but I still did it.

.

 

 

 

You remind me very much of myself, you truly are the sweetest thing. Knowing that I did play part in hurting an innocent human being is a terrible, terrible feeling. Although I - in a way- envy how much she has that I never will, I wonder what is so good about her, and how come I ended up..me..and not the wife? Do I even want to be the wife? Who was loved more? But, who was left in the end... And, I was bitter towards her wanting him to stay despite all of the madness (Which I attributed to her wanting to stay comfortable in her lifestyle), I had no business, he was not mine, nor was he ever, and I am not his.

 

Last night was good, I went out on the town and listened to some jazz with friends and looked around the room briefly to see the men appreciating the sounds coming from the sax- not like the rats grinning with a **** eating grin in the strip club, so I think maybe there are some good men. I don't care much at this point.

 

At any cost, I am alone by choice. Some of you say run before he does any damage but he has done quite a hit- I left my boyfriend for him (I did not cheat, I left before anything happened, but still- and also, I did not like him much anyway) And I'm pretty convinced he had something to do with me getting fired at my job (MM and I worked together). I changed my entire life for him, I faced my wildest fears just for a chance to be by his side. I know I was truly in love- and unfortunately still am.

 

I know he did not love me, there's no way that could have been love. If he truly was in love, he would have worked it out with me and he wouldn't of left me. I see it from my point, and there's no way I could ever, ever be with two people at the same time. I could not maintain that poker face- I'm much too sensitive.

 

I have gained such an interesting perspective of what it is to be the "other woman" ( Man,I hate calling myself that...) But, instead of the natural enemy of the soccer mom, the woman sitting alone in the smokey bar with red lips and an empty pocketbook- I've come to realize we are much more romantic and passionate than the court of public opinion gives us credit for.Since I know we naturally separate the two, we see it as "Gone with the wind" as they see us both, and the sultry excitement.

 

I am definitely going to start the process of falling out of love with him/ forgetting him/ what ever I must do. It hurts me - badly, I miss him terribly. I don't even know who I am right now. Sometimes I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself.

[ladydesigner]

Sometimes I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself.

 

Get to know YOU better and don't ever let a man let YOU lose that about yourself again. I have learned that as a fMOW and BS.

[fanine]

Did she know he was a cheater? Pretty sure if she did, she wouldn't take his crap. I tell my MM all the time that he tricked his W. she wanted a baby so bad but if she knew what her H was doing, I'd think shed prefer to have one with a man that treated her better and wasn't doing it because he felt bad for her and guilty.

 

Oh she knew what he was like. I found out later on he has always cheated on her. Had a previous affair where he had a kid with the woman. She knew about that I know for sure. She knew about me. She knew there was another woman besides me too. But they are still living together with two small kids.

[bentleychic]

Then there's me. I'm one of the most honest and strong women you could ever meet. While I felt like myself and was so happy in love with this man whose presence warmed my heart, inside I was dying. Yes, I jumped with both feet. Yes, I knew this was against everything I believed in but I still did it.

This is how I feel...or, rather, I would have described myself as the first sentence BEFORE the A.

 

 

I also give myself credit for ending it, being accountable, and resolving to never do this again.

I hope I get to that point some day.

[LilGirlandOW]

Sometimes ows criticize bw for staying in the marriage. However, most of the time ows are e dying to replace the wife.

 

I bet most those OW who are dying to replace BS, look at it as taking their rightful place in MM's life. And they criticize BW for staying because she stayed in spite of all the lies and betrayals. MM would never lie or betray his soul mate:love::love:, the OW. And criticize her for staying despite not being loved by MM, since all his love is 100% directed towards his soul mate:love::love:, the OW.

 

[sad puppy]

Yep, he said the same thing - "had to try and work on his marriage for the kids or he couldn't forgive himself". He went thru marriage counseling, nothing got better. Took quite awhile but he got separated. Separation took awhile, I got fed up with his emotional turmoil and left. Have not seen him in 1.5 years even though he's been asking me out for past year, I keep turning him down. He should be divorced in a couple months, she's dragging it out and running up attorney fees. I told him I wouldn't think of seeing him until he was divorced, and quite frankly, not even sure I will.

 

Affairs are a rough road. But, yes, mine did leave. It takes a long time for them to unwind a long term marriage, especially with kids. There's a lot of emotional, financial turmoil. You've got to keep doing your own thing. Keep putting yourself first, take care of yourself.

 

I knew one thing, though. Staying in the affair, made it easy for him to stay married. I was never complacent, always bugging him. Finally, I walked out. I love turning him down, btw! Ha! Time will tell.

[Red Wolverine]

 

You remind me very much of myself, you truly are the sweetest thing. Knowing that I did play part in hurting an innocent human being is a terrible, terrible feeling. Although I - in a way- envy how much she has that I never will, I wonder what is so good about her, and how come I ended up..me..and not the wife? Do I even want to be the wife? Who was loved more? But, who was left in the end... And, I was bitter towards her wanting him to stay despite all of the madness (Which I attributed to her wanting to stay comfortable in her lifestyle), I had no business, he was not mine, nor was he ever, and I am not his.

 

Seriously, I'm not the sweetest thing. I appreciate the compliment but I've strived to simply be honest and empathetic to others. I was raised to consider others and be honorable.

 

I don't envy his wife. Never did. During the affair, she was being deceived and he hadn't been honest about his perspective of their marriage even before the affair. Now she has heartbreak and uncertainty about her future and her children's future. I could walk away, she can't nearly as easily. Even if she stayed, her life as she knew it has changed tremendously. Rightfully, she had hope and trust in her husband while the OW (me) can't say I didn't know he was untrustworthy. Seriously, nothing to envy because if live was paramount, the affair wouldn't have happened in the first place.

 

I know he did not love me, there's no way that could have been love. If he truly was in love, he would have worked it out with me and he wouldn't of left me. I see it from my point, and there's no way I could ever, ever be with two people at the same time. I could not maintain that poker face- I'm much too sensitive.

 

Maybe he did love you but it doesn't really matter. He's married so love becomes moot. All that matters to me is that my xMM and I cannot be together in a legitimate relationship. Regardless of love, that means we have nothing. I don't have to think about anything other than that. It's that simple.

 

I am definitely going to start the process of falling out of love with him/ forgetting him/ what ever I must do. It hurts me - badly, I miss him terribly. I don't even know who I am right now. Sometimes I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself.

 

The process begins with a DECISION. The process does not progress until he is out of your life. Until both of those things are done and remain so, nothing will change for you.

[Red Wolverine]

This is how I feel...or, rather, I would have described myself as the first sentence BEFORE the A.

 

You can get there again. Decide you want that more than him.

 

I hope I get to that point some day.

 

Make the decision. He won't.

[fanine]

Sometimes ows criticize bw for staying in the marriage. However, most of the time ows are e dying to replace the wife.

 

I'm not criticising the wife, just stating the facts that she knew everything. She knew about his kid from his affair, and she knew about me and several other women. In the end it is up to her if she stays or not. i dont know her so i dont know her reasons for still being there. but for me? once I knew all that there was no way i would have stayed with him. No. A life of cheating? He will never change. Someone who lied to me at the very start that he was separated? And then had another OW as well as me? No way. I would have had a life time of paranoia and would simply have become so insecure over time. Plus the fact I know I deserve more than that.

[Summer Breeze]

Sometimes ows criticize bw for staying in the marriage. However, most of the time ows are e dying to replace the wife.

 

 

I have to say I don't know many who want to replace the wife. They may want to have an R with their MM but that doesn't mean replacing anyone. I wanted that. I wanted a R with DMM but I wanted MY R with him not hers. I didn't want him to replace someone in my life and I didn't want me to replace someone in his.

 

As far as the OP. I have to say I am now with DMM but I did walk away. Will he come back. Probably but you have no idea in what capacity. He might want to resume the A or he might want to start a life with you. But right now I think you need to walk away, as you have done, and leave him to it. Live your life, as you are doing, and be prepared to never see him again. I never stopped loving him and I am lucky that he never lied or made any promises he wasn't going to keep. He wishes I had stuck around but I'm convinced if I had he never would have left. If he needs to stay for his kids then that's fine. He's making a choice and he has every right to do that just like you have every right to leave him to it.

 

It's not easy letting go but it is often the right thing. Hold on til you're not happy anymore and then let him go. The power is yours and it sounds like you get that.

[SunsetRed]

This is the most common excuse used to keep the OW on the hook. Be prepared for that excuse to be used for the next couple of decades. I'm sure he'll be happy to keep you on the side as long as you don't demand anything other than what he can give, which won't be much.

 

Please don't settle for a bunch of words and empty promises.

 

 

Next couple of decades is right. My xMM used that. Now the oldest is 25 and her associates degree isn't enough to help her w a career, so now he's got to get her through business school. The youngest is on her way to college, but he has to keep up the house so she has a place to come home to.

 

Your MMs kids are only 3 and 6? Im willing to be a million dollars they have a third child within the next 2 years. He'll pretend to be in total shock when he tells you this story, if he tells you. He may not tell you about the pregnancy at all. He'll say he doesn't know how she got pregnant, as they only had sad pity sex one time and it was over in less than 5 minutes, blah blah..she wanted the sex, he didn't, he regretted it the whole time..blah bs blah blah

 

but anyway, yes, the kids will be the excuse for your entire relationship. You'll want to be the understanding OW who wouldn't dare ask him to give up his kids, but he will use them to keep you on a string forever.