melell Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Together 8 years. I was missing my ex so much, now almost two months since break up and I feel so much anger, as if I hate the person. And all I can think about is all the cruel things they did. I think I prefer feeling like this, than pining for him. What do you think? And is this like a defense mechanism, or a legitimate part of the healing process?
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Feel whatever you feel. There are 5 stages of grief. They come in no particular order. Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Feel them. Accept them. Process them. Then rinse and repeat. Just don't judge them. They're normal. You're supposed to feel all of them, sometimes many times. Just allow what is. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Good lordy if anger is only the second stage I don't know how I'll survive the rest! Sometime's I'm angry, sometime's I'm upset. Right now I'm upset and tomorrow I will be angry and take it out on the punch bag! Show that ex of yours what he's lost. unfortunately there is a strong possibility they aren't giving us a second thought. 3
theonlyjuan Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Depends how you handle each. I think everyone goes through both. I would rather feel angry 1
Soat Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 They aren't in any particular order nor do you necessarily go through all the stages 1
hopefulfaerie Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Oh, I know that day is coming for me! I'm actually scared to get to the anger phase. I think I just got through the denial and going back and forth with the depression. The reason I'm scared of the anger is because I know I will be livid!!! He ended things in such a cruel and heartless way that I'm scared I may trash my house or something or go off on someone. NOT like me at all. I'm usually passive aggressive. Mayne that's why I'm not looking forward to thst stage but I know it's coming. I hope I don't do anything stupid! ( weak smile ) but yeah, sadness sucks!!! But then again anger feels crappy yoo! Ugh!!! CAN'T WAIT TO BE OVER THIS TORTURE!!! I just want to go back to HAPPY! But then again, don't we all
Author melell Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Thnx everyone. I do feel like I have embraced the stages and faced them as they have come, which has helped a lot. I was seriously depressed and broken for the first month. I cried, I even did things that made me sad, I went to places that reminded me the most of good times, songs, people that reminded me, cried about it etc etc. Almost like over exposing myself, feeling it, and kept going. Now that the anger has hit I feel hugely empowered, it feels better than being sad for sure, but does not feel anywhere near good. And I am just kind of living it for the moment.
Author melell Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Oh, I know that day is coming for me! I'm actually scared to get to the anger phase. I think I just got through the denial and going back and forth with the depression. The reason I'm scared of the anger is because I know I will be livid!!! He ended things in such a cruel and heartless way that I'm scared I may trash my house or something or go off on someone. NOT like me at all. I'm usually passive aggressive. Mayne that's why I'm not looking forward to thst stage but I know it's coming. I hope I don't do anything stupid! ( weak smile ) but yeah, sadness sucks!!! But then again anger feels crappy yoo! Ugh!!! CAN'T WAIT TO BE OVER THIS TORTURE!!! I just want to go back to HAPPY! But then again, don't we all When I started to feel angry, about a week before I would catch myself smiling so hard at the tv, or a joke someone would say, and it would be like wow, why am I grinning I am meant to me miserable! After that the angry hit, and it sucks in it's own ways. One thing I am noticing with it is that I have this underlying feeling of 'they aren't worth it', like I despise them, but wouldn't even bother showing them because they don't even deserve my energy. It's like while you are angry you are telling yourself how worthless they are, so part of you doesn't care. I think many people that are going to act crazy and get revenge usually do this straight after the break up, in that betrayal anger at the very start, they get caught up in it and then they move onto sadness much later. I can't imagine many people try to get revenge after a month or so of healing. Going straight into sadness/denial I do think is the most natural response.
Brown-Eyez Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) I'm very angry with life right now..I feel I was fed alot of bs about how when you're happy & confident and have not put up with substandard treatment than you'll find a good person. Well it just doesn't happen that way. We don't "deserve" to be happy or even in a fulfilling relationship, some of us are really really lucky and find someone who is good and remains loyal; but most of us just keep getting the short end of the stick and then trying to make sense of it. I think I can improve myself all I want and still end up alone. The only benefit to self improvement that I see at this point is just to be happy with myself even if I'm lonely (& the funny thing is I WAS happy with myself until someone came along and dumped me). I'm angry because I finally understand that there are no miracles, no true happily ever afters, or for that matter, unconditional love. This is a very demoralizing realization. There just little ole me that will eventually feel less bruised & battered by this s**tty experience and maybe risk loving again, and right now that's a BIG maybe Edited August 27, 2013 by Brown-Eyez 1
JDPT Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I indulged on anger a few weeks ago and executed my emotions against my better judgment that later left me regretting my decision. Anger will literally eat you alive. I used to think like you and say to myself, feeling pissed at her feels better than this excruciating pain I'm feeling. I am gradually learning now to simply let go of it all, let go of the pain, let go of the love and most importantly let go of the anger I feel/felt for her. I need to learn about mercy and sympathy, I refuse to continue to hurt myself with anger and fictitious scenarios I generate in my head. Things unfolded the way they did for a reason and one day I will wake up and say to myself, "so this is why I had to go through this..." and accept it, internalize and enjoy the next chapter of my life. I tell you this from personal experience, don't allow anger to consume you. 2
Author melell Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I indulged on anger a few weeks ago and executed my emotions against my better judgment that later left me regretting my decision. Anger will literally eat you alive. I used to think like you and say to myself, feeling pissed at her feels better than this excruciating pain I'm feeling. I am gradually learning now to simply let go of it all, let go of the pain, let go of the love and most importantly let go of the anger I feel/felt for her. I need to learn about mercy and sympathy, I refuse to continue to hurt myself with anger and fictitious scenarios I generate in my head. Things unfolded the way they did for a reason and one day I will wake up and say to myself, "so this is why I had to go through this..." and accept it, internalize and enjoy the next chapter of my life. I tell you this from personal experience, don't allow anger to consume you. Deep down I believe exactly what you have said. I am trying to process each emotion as it comes, and just experience, accept it, then let go of it. I don't think it is beneficial for anyone to hold onto any specific emotion, especially not anger. My saving grace has been letting each emotion happen, not running from it, and as it passes thinking to myself 'that wasn't so bad, there is nothing to be scared of'. I feel like I was with someone for so long afraid of leaving because of how it would feel, now I know it is survivable. 1
Author melell Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Brown-eyez I know exactly what you mean. It is frustrating, we are led to believe so much, and it simply isn't like that. I remember when I was little my parents always saying 'you are special', then the day I realized 'you are a person like everybody else, and have control over very little'. What a blow that was lol. At the same time I think loving and losing does build character, and to see that being happy alone is fine, well, I can live with that.
Brown-Eyez Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Brown-eyez I know exactly what you mean. It is frustrating, we are led to believe so much, and it simply isn't like that. I remember when I was little my parents always saying 'you are special', then the day I realized 'you are a person like everybody else, and have control over very little'. What a blow that was lol. At the same time I think loving and losing does build character, and to see that being happy alone is fine, well, I can live with that. Yeah, another fact that I'm determined to weave into my very soul is that I AM NOT (and probably will never be) the exception to the rule.
Keenly Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I think sadness keeps you stationary, metaphorically speaking. Anger is actually a really nice bridge to get over pain. 1
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