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Posted

Today I feel sad and frustrated.

 

One minute I seem to be doing ok, the next I'm upset and then I'm angry.

 

My mind is torturing itself. He's on match.com after he broke out engagement up (because i have an issue with him having a joint bank account with his ex wife which he said he'd close)

 

I can't help thinking, maybe he will meet someone else. All I can think is of him having sex with someone else, kissing them and hugging them the way he did me and it's killing me inside. I shouldn't care, he's single, he broke it but telling myself that is not helping me.

 

Today I had numerous good thing's happen that I'd instantly tell him.

 

I lost 6lbs this week

 

I have been to the gym 2 days in a row and worked my ass off

 

I won £200

 

But I can't tell him this... I am at an utter loss without my best friend.

 

I got a new tattoo today too. It says love on my inside wrist and the way the lettering is done it forms a heart. This is a scar and a reminder that love is precious and is never to be taken for granted and it'll always be a reminder of him.

 

Tonight I am going to bed with a lump in my throat, a head full of thoughts I don't need or want to wake up to the gym and a hard work out. I'm sleepy, I have headache and heartache.

 

Looks like my time of feeling positive is gone and to top that off my period is 4 days late. Fanbloodytastic

Posted

Lol at the period comment.

 

Listen , your already looking at the positives.

 

Continue on.

 

My theory = " moving on is trying to make yourself happier than the day before, by pleasing yourself."

 

I'm going to sticky tha

 

 

I promise if you focus on yourself, ull get everything you've ever wanted.

 

Hold me to that.

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

haha I will do!

 

I think it's just easier during the day when you have things to do, your busy and distracted. On an night time you sit alone and tend to ponder.

 

Pondering officially does no one any good! LOL x

Posted

Your already on the right track.

 

If you consume yourself so much that your busy then you don't think..until night time.

 

If you've consumed yourself so much, then you should hit the bed and be exhausted and pass right out

 

 

Your getting the hang of it :).

 

 

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

I'm currently laid in bed its 07:01 here and I want to talk to him. I know I shouldn't break no contact and I know I shouldn't talk to him.

 

The last message he send me was on Facebook. It said something like "please block and delete my daughter before you bash me as that's what I plan to do after I've sent this message (block and delete me I suppose)

 

I'd not been on Facebook since. I didn't want to see that he wasn't there anymore and I was just single ole me.

 

This morning I logged in. He didnt delete or block me like he said he was going too. It still says we're engaged yet he actively uses his profile.

 

Now I'm just confused and the fact that he said "I don't think we can come back from this" rather than "we're over" is now confusing me

  • Author
Posted

I want to tell him I miss him, that I'll be more understanding and that I love him but I don't think it'll help:

 

Then again NC looks like I don't care at all and I'm willing to let him leave

Posted

I know how you feel cause I am feeling like that right now. One minute I feel like he everything's going to be ok and he's gonna come back and the next I'm thinking he is going to end up with someone else (specifically an ex girlfriend of his). I cant stand it at all. It messes with my head. I know for a fact if I bump into him that the feelings are gonna come back and so will his. Hang in there.

  • Author
Posted

Well just an hour ago I broke the no contact. I'm pissed off at myself and proud too.

 

I informed him the ball was in his court, that he needs to make a call on this and not leave me in limbo. I also have a son who has classic autism. His father has never been in his life and he loves my ex so dearly and asks where he is daily.

 

I need to know so I can attempt to break it to him, distract him. He won't understand, hell I don't even understand. But I need to take care of myself and my kids now x

Posted

I wish I logged on sooner to stop you from breaking nc.

 

But since I didn't, and you did, we are just going to have to deal with it aren't we :)

 

When you start getting nostalgic you need to get up and go for a walk.

 

You did good and bad.

 

The good is leaving the ball in his court. That shouldn't have been done prior to starting NC.

 

The bad....was an ultimatum.

 

Hell read right thru it.

 

So. Now what?

 

You left it in his court, now....you begin prior NC.

 

Think of it as he's never coming back and you need to move on.

 

If he does great!

 

If he doesn't, pretty soon you'll care less.

 

Don't contact him again or I'll pinch you.

 

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted
I wish I logged on sooner to stop you from breaking nc.

 

But since I didn't, and you did, we are just going to have to deal with it aren't we :)

 

When you start getting nostalgic you need to get up and go for a walk.

 

You did good and bad.

 

The good is leaving the ball in his court. That shouldn't have been done prior to starting NC.

 

The bad....was an ultimatum.

 

Hell read right thru it.

 

So. Now what?

 

You left it in his court, now....you begin prior NC.

 

Think of it as he's never coming back and you need to move on.

 

If he does great!

 

If he doesn't, pretty soon you'll care less.

 

Don't contact him again or I'll pinch you.

 

 

 

Barky

 

 

LOL That did make me laugh. I wished you'd have been around too. but NC is resumed now. he's not replied, he quite simply doesn't care and right now I feel why should I either

 

Court and ball is where it stands ;)

Posted

Good, now you know.

 

Everything is setup for if/when he comes back.

 

But it might not happen, could be 5 years

 

I know you won't sit around waiting

 

If he replies DO NOT respond without asking our advice

 

Plus, it gives you a little mystery on why haven't you responded right away.

 

 

Go for a walk. Get ur mind cleared.

 

 

Glad you laughed :)

 

 

 

BarkyBarky

  • Author
Posted

I will remember to ask advice once he does reply or even if he does.

 

Heck your better at this that me.

 

It's unfortunate the man knows me. He knows I work, look after my kids and do my thing.

 

Someone told me to grab some guy friends and pop a lovely new Facebook picture up but that doesn't sound like a good idea to me haha

 

Xx

Posted

Lol unfortunately I'm better because I've played this game a few times.

 

I've been where you are sitting right now.

 

And no don't do something like that...only if you want him to be pissed off and never contact you again.

 

Live for you now.

 

I did everything I could to win my (ex) back.

 

I put it all out there, left the ball in her court...and RAN AWAY.

 

It wasn't until I was truly happy and picked myself up again , till she started banging down my door wanting me back.

 

You have TRULY get to a point where you don't care, your happy

 

That's when stuff begins to happen.

 

Weather it be a ex or some nice shiny new toy to play with :)

 

 

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

Unfortunately for me I see thing's simply. I say what's on my mind and just get everything right out there.

 

It's weird to think other people don't do that, they bottle it up. Hell when he's upset or we have a big fight he goes stone cold quiet for a week or two. I can handle that because he come's back. He see's "this" as one too many time's when it's him who the issue is with lol.

 

He knows how i feel, you can't possibly not know. If he come's back he does if not then I'll just go on.

 

Although I did have a thought about the texts... We use Watsapp so he will always see I've read/logged on LOL

 

xx

  • Author
Posted

Oh no, I just had a thought.

 

When I go and visit him (he lives 2 hours away he's a soldier) I tend to buy/leave thing's there.

 

So far I remember I have numerous tops there, dresses, shoes, an entire wash kit and make up bag and a beach towel.

 

I wonder if he will ask me if I want it or throw it out.

 

I can live without it it's just "stuff" but I didn't think about that at all until now :eek:

Posted

If you didn't think about it until now, then it can't be that important, right? There's no point in worrying or thinking about an outcome that you can't control.

 

Ups and downs are normal, I think. My last therapist described the process as a sort of "lightning bolt," where it's up and down and then back up again and then down again and so on until eventually you feel normal again. Just hang in there! :bunny:

  • Author
Posted

I totally agree. It's just stuff everyone can live without some clothing, I'm living without it now and clearly aren't that bothered.

 

Although I half hope he bins it without asking. I don't want to see him to collect it lol xx

Posted

Your mind is racing! STOP!

 

Your thinking about this, your thinking about that

 

Did u go for that walk I told you to yet?

 

Go breath for a second will you?

 

Your hair is going to turn grey

 

 

:)

 

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

LOL it looks like I am. I'm just bathing my kiddos and then I'm heading back to the gym! more productive than a walky!

 

xxx

Posted

Even better. :)

 

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

and you'd be proud. My phone is off and for the night!

 

Tonight is about me! :)

  • Like 1
Posted

Now your learning.

 

Its quite easy isn't it?

 

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

haha yeah it is! I had a great work out! Although I did come home to a message from his 12 year old daughter.

 

I'm umming and arring because she's done nothing wrong and I love the kid. But I can see there being a NC issue here?

 

What do you think?

 

xx

Posted

No not at all.

 

No questions about daddy ect

 

Simply get updated on her life.

 

If he wants to talk just simply hangup.

 

Let me know how it goes

 

 

Barky

  • Author
Posted

It was through watsapp and she doesn't live with him so unless she tell's him what we talk about which is unlikely I think it'll be fine. We don't ever talk about him anyway. She currently knows nothing is wrong as his facebook says he's engaged to me and I've not been on mine so unless he'd have told her she'd still be clueless xx

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