Machines Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 So, long story short, my guy and I (I'm a girl despite the somewhat masculine username!) have been together a few months now, and although we've been fairly physical, we've never had sex. We're both early twenties, by the way. Normally, I wouldn't have so much trouble approaching this, but he's a virgin, and I'm not. It's not been any sort of religious or belief thing for him, it's just that he's been waiting for the right person, etc. He wanted to be in love first. I respect and appreciate that...I'm the same way, and although I'm not a virgin, I have only been with the two people I've really loved in my life. Here's my confusion. He tells me he loves me, and I feel the same way (and tell and show him often), and we're physical together, but we've not had sex yet. He's amazing and wonderful, and I can wait if he wants to, but good god do I want it. In my eyes, he's perfect...when he plays music for me or I watch a show he plays with his band, or a million other things I love that he does, I want to jump him... I just don't know how to approach the subject. I don't want to pressure, and he's shy with this kind of thing. I also don't want him to be nervous about it or think that I'm going to look elsewhere if he doesn't. My first time with someone was a big deal for me, and I would never ever want to pressure him into doing it earlier than he was really ready, but I feel weird about asking, "Hey, why haven't we had sex yet?" I also worry about his ego a little bit. I get that women can initiate sex and all that, and I have no problem doing so, but I'm just afraid that, as a guy, he might feel like that was "his" job or something, especially at first. I just want it...but I also want it to be perfect. Any and all advice is appreciated...thanks!
soccerrprp Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 The next time you are intimate, stop the hot and heavy stuff, stand in front of him and slowly undress yourself. Draw him to the well. He'll either watch with anticipation and start undressing himself or he'll stop you. If he stops you, then I would have a talk. Softly ask him while kissing him and caressing his crotch if he doesn't want you. That should do it. If not, he's either being excessively gentlemanly or there's something else stopping him. Good luck.
NateC Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Agreed. A guy who doesn't get that kind of signal is clueless. He'll know even if he's a virgin what's up. Guys at that age are not exactly innocent.
Els Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Well, it's a bit of a jump to go from initiating to 'trying to pressure him'. I was with a guy like that once. He was a VIRGIN virgin - he had had an R of a year in his late teens, but he had never gone past kissing. We were 20. Is he the 'talking' sort of guy - ie do you two talk about everything and anything under the sun? If he is, just snuggle up to him one day and coyly suggest that you'd like to take things a little further. If he's more of an 'actions' sort of guy, probably what soccerprp suggested. "Hey, why haven't we had sex yet?" is NOT the best way to approach it.
Recommended Posts