ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Hi folks, thanks for all the replies so far. The flowers got delivered today. I got the follow message: Her: What was with the rose? lol Thank you. x Me: Did you not read the card!? It was a thank you for helping me through The Conjuring.!! I couldn't have done it without you lol xx Her: Haha! Yes I read it, it made me giggle, you and Jade are gits! x Jade is her friend that I asked if I should send her flowers to work. Ok, I have not replied yet. I don't know what to do next? Do I play it cool and keep things light? Part if me is dying to say that I didn't realize I was rushing her, and the truth is I would have given her as much time as she needs, I would have waited until the deserts froze over and the camels came skating home. Not sure which action to take? EDIT: Ok I am thinking I might reply with this, but don't want to scare her, I want to keep it light and a little on the softer side: Sometimes randomness can't be explained, it just happens,and leaves more questions behind I should have told you sooner that no matter how long youwould have needed, I'd wait until the deserts freeze over and the camels come skating home lol. If you’re going to the gym tonight good luck, and if not then why the heck not!?!? xx No, no and no. She thanked you for the flower but didn't really show any interest beyond that. Leave her be. If she wants something more, she will let you know. It's time to back off for a while now. The above message is too much. She already told you she doesn't want a relationship with you. Sending this message will likely make her feel awkward and you feel hurt when she doesn't reciprocate. 1
Author ssmith3427 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 [/b] No, no and no. She thanked you for the flower but didn't really show any interest beyond that. Leave her be. If she wants something more, she will let you know. It's time to back off for a while now. The above message is too much. She already told you she doesn't want a relationship with you. Sending this message will likely make her feel awkward and you feel hurt when she doesn't reciprocate. I think way to much and I hate it lol. What you said makes sense, and I am glad I posted on here before sending that. I just feel I pushed for to much despite saying we would take things super-duper slow, she said she wanted to take things really slow, and I agreed, but without realizing I pushed for more. I'm dieing to tell her that I would give her all the time in the world because she thinks I want a relationship when in reality I am willing to wait, see each other casually, and give her the time she needs. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Author ssmith3427 Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Still looking for any more input on replying by telling her the above, or leaving at which seems logical. Cheers.
Author ssmith3427 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Hi folks, Many thanks for all the replies, they really have helped a lot and without them I know I would have done something stupid. As for the single rose + note, she liked it and it did make her giggle so I'm told, which is always a good thing For clarity, this is a girl I want to put myself in a position to say that we are seeing each other, not a relationship as I don't know her that well yet, but so far I really like what I see, and I really want to get to know her even more. I do believe she is emotionally unavailable right now due to her past relationship (being controlled) so I believe she is still dealing with that. With the above in mind I do think it's best I give her some space, which is hard as I already miss texting her and want to see her. The thing is I am not sure how much space to give her, or if I should try and be her friend? Being her friend might be really hard as this last week has been so draining and another 3 months of this might be to much to take. That being said I don't want to lose contact with her to. I have not texted her back since her last message. But in giving her some space, does that mean I should just pretend she doesn't exist, or send her a text once per week? I don't want her to forget me and I don't want to lose what we have built in-terms of getting comfortable with each other. So I think I might send her a text next Wednesday 04/09/13 (I last text her on the 29/08/13). The text message would be something like this (she's big on horoscopes): "Wow.!! How freaky is that!!? Have you not seen it!!?? xx She will reply something like - seen what!? x "I just checked your horoscope.!! It says you want to spend a good night out with an interesting lion friend, that you should show leadership and ask him the lion if want's to watch Insidious 2 when it comes out on the 13th!!? xx" Or I could skip asking her out, and just send her something to make her giggle every week which keeps communication open. So... In summary, considering she is emotionally unavailable and still hurting, I figure these are my options: 1. Give her space, don't contact her at all. 2. Give her space, contact her once per week via text. 3. Send her that text and see if she wants to go out and watch the movie as friends (she has good memories of watching films with me I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to be with her when she is emotionally unavailable, but I do like her, I want her to heal and I'm willing to give her all the time she needs. Guess I am just looking for a course of action, and find the help her really valuable. Cheers Ste
RedRobin Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Your flower and comments left her with a pleasant memory... if she has any lingering romantic thoughts about you at all... she will remember that... Leave her be for awhile. A good while. If you really need to stay in touch, I'd wait at least a month... even then, you ought to consider that she may not be ready for quite awhile... you need to let her go. Really go. right now you are a bit obsessed and people pick up on that.
Author ssmith3427 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Your flower and comments left her with a pleasant memory... if she has any lingering romantic thoughts about you at all... she will remember that... Leave her be for awhile. A good while. If you really need to stay in touch, I'd wait at least a month... even then, you ought to consider that she may not be ready for quite awhile... you need to let her go. Really go. right now you are a bit obsessed and people pick up on that. Giving her space isn't a problem and I can leave it for a month, I'm just one of those guys who likes to have a plan, when I know I am setting myself up for the best chances I can find peace in that, it's when I mess up I over-think things. I don't think I am obsessed, like I say I just like to make sure I have done the best things I can to get where I want to be. But I can see how it may be perceived that I am a little to attached, maybe she picked up on that to. Ok one vote for no contact, and certainly something I am strongly considering, thanks for the reply
RedRobin Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 OP, the flower is fine.... leave it at that. anything extra now IS obsessive.
truth_seeker Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 I think this is a terrible idea (sorry deb.) Only send flowers to people who you know would appreciate them. I think it's a good rule. You don't know whether she'd be happy to receive them, or angry and disgusted. Don't take that chance. I disagree. Sending flowers is a nice gesture. I can't see it backfiring here.
truth_seeker Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Didn't see the other messages before my last posting. You did all you could do. She liked the gesture. Now sit back and wait. Just don't get your hopes up. Prepare yourself that nothing will come of it.
Author ssmith3427 Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 Thanks folks, I'll just wait, it seems like the best thing to do and that I can live with. I can see how the flower thing might have come across as creepy, but I think she knows me better than to think that I was creeping, and to be double sure, I ran it by her friend and she was ok with it. I do agree that if I do anymore then I may come across as creepy and that would suck, I never thought of it like that, so in summary, I'm just going to leave it now, she knows how I feel and we had a good time. Again thanks again, seriously 1
Simon Phoenix Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Yeah, I don't think the flower thing worked for ya. But if it did, you have to allow her to come to you at this point.
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