Sudden Break up. Really and hurt.

[Jaybanger202]

I apologize for the length:

 

My now ex and I met on a dating website and initially talked for a few months on and off for awhile. Then we started to hangout and everything was going great, I asked her out she said yes we had amazing times together in the month and a half we dated. Both of us had been single for awhile and made sure that we were both emotionally ready to put ourselves in this position. When I told her that I felt really strongly about her she reciprocated these feelings and told me she was in love with me too and had been waiting to say it. I went on vacation recently for ten days to California, talking to her literally everyday non stop, with both texting and phone calls. She would tell me how much she missed me and how she loved me to death and we would talk through the night about our days, our pasts and where we were going from here. She even would break down and tell me how much she loves and how I'm amazing and that I am all she needs because she knows what an amazing guy I am for her. She was very sexual as well, telling me all sorts of things she would want to do to me when I come home and how she missed me so much.

 

The day I got back there was all this pent up energy and we had previously discussed about sex in vivid detail, and I wanted to make sure with her that we were both ready which was very scary for both of us because of our relationship pasts. I got to her apartment and she was all over me bringing me into the bedroom and making out with me and taking off her clothes. In the end we didn't have the time to have sex because her father was coming back to her apartment which she just got for school after moving out of her mother's house. We were scheduled that day to go to a family cookout of hers that was down the street and proceeded to get ready to go. When we were there things were great I adored her family and I was so thankful that I had found someone who not only loved my family but I loved hers. She suddenly pulled me to the side and said to me in a quite exasperated tone that she felt that the relationship " didn't give her the intensity that she felt she would feel up to this point" and that she" trusts herself to know where her heart lies and that she felt it would be the best to tell me now because it was bothering her."

 

I was incredibly shocked, literally an hour before she was all over me and telling me how she couldn't wait to have sex with me later that night. And an hour later she was in tears saying how sorry she was and how awful she felt to be breaking my heart, and proceeded to drive me home. Apart from feeling humiliated by being ushered away in front of her family I felt heartsick because it made no sense to me. She cried the whole way to my house telling me how sick she feels with what she's just told me and everything and how she still loves me and cares for me but this is the best thing in the long run. She claimed that she wouldn't blame me for hating her or never talking to me again and all that stuff that makes you feel even worse.

 

Today we talked on the phone and I told her I understand her decision and I wish to god I had been given a chance to make things right and work through any self doubt she may have had because to be honest it didn't line up with all the honesty and signals the entire week before and the day of. She told me that we both need time to heal and that she misses me too but she will always have love for me and care for me and that I should give her a week or so to get settled in at school before she contacts me again to see how we're both doing.

 

I feel absolutely devastated even though I know it will pass in time, but I miss her and I miss having her as my friend to talk to and tell about my day and wake up to with her texts and everything that us both feel safe. I just want some understanding and to know if there's any chance of salvaging feelings. Any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

[Demoralised_10]

I know how you are feeling mate almost same characteristics, my ex and I had an intense 3 month relationship and like you, she couldn't keep her hands off me, we would talk everyday and the passion was amazing.

One day she told me she loved me as she did from a month in and next it's over and her feelings have changed.

Like me you can sit and analyse all you like but am sure you won't find any answers. I'm only 3 weeks post b/u and I've agonised and thought over why this ended so sudden.

Give her the space she needs, I know believe me it's hard right now but go N/C right away for your own well being and healing. My ex reached out last week with some breadcrumbs and although I broke N/C I specifically made sure not to bring up the split and it's been amicable from my point since day 1 of the split. Please don't text or contact mate, and don't beg or come over needy and desperate it will drive her further away.

I feel for you it's hard and I'm heartbroken, with good and bad days but I find assurance that I couldn't have done anymore in the short time we were together but it wasnt ultimately what she wanted.

Good Luck you will come out good.

[Jaybanger202]

Thank a lot friend, that means a lot to know that it was nothing I did or didn't do. I think space is a good thing, She obviously felt overwhelmed or something to separate so suddenly. So we shall see, I'm just going to let my healing process ride out as is and take each day as it comes. It's just very bewildering to say the least. I'm sorry that things like that had to happen to you, it's very rough and I'm definitely still reeling from the heartbreak. Any advice is welcome and I appreciate it for sure.

[Demoralised_10]

No worries mate, glad I can try and help in some way as our cases are very similar.

I think when you mention it was scary because of both your past relationships, by this I take it you mean both of you had been hurt bad in the past?

It could be that things were moving too quickly for her, or that she hadn't fully got over a previous ex.

Unfortunately it seems that our partners thrive on that 'honeymoon period' in a new relationship and when those feelings begin to wear they jump ship.

Mate I have no real explanation to give because unfortunate as it may seem we don't know what goes on in other people's minds.

Respect her decision and stay NC, believe me I had a painful break up many years ago and did everything they tell you NOT to do, and guess what? I never got back with that girl I just drove her further away and importantly of all I delayed my healing process hugely to the extent I became very messed up indeed.

You learn and move on from every relationship, damn it hurts like hell, but what's done is done, we can't change that unfortunately.

Take it day by day and look out for yourself first.

[hopefulfaerie]

Hi,

unfortunately, I know how you feel. I was in a fast and passionate relationship smd he ended it just as fast. The emotional wind got completely knocked out of me!

I posted the full story yesterday snd it may make you feel better to read it but basically he couldn't wait to see me ( the morning) wanted to come by that night and never showed and I never got an apology or explanation.

Literally everything changed in just a few hours.

That was almost three months ago and have been NC 11 weeks. I sent a text a few weeks after and he never responded. I felt 10x worse!

I truly feel for you snd wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but sadly there are no magic words.

Except some boys and girls just SUCK!!!

Hang in there! You can message me of you need to talk.

[Jaybanger202]

Thank you so much and yeah it's very devastating and hard to not be able to talk to her but I know that it's for the best no matter what happens. I truly appreciate what you're able to tell me and it'd be good to talk it out with somebody about it if you're willing. I think it would help. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that and are still reeling from the ordeal still. It's very difficult beyond words.