savethedrama4allama Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 I am a Catherine Zeta-Jones kind of girl, though I hear she's wacko too. I tend to like actresses with dark hair. People say I look like Reese Witherspoon ALL the time. Not sure how much I like that!
Author EC Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 I have really dark hair now...I look meaner..lol but I like it LR saw it and she give the approval so cool!! lol Anyways Quankanne I will pm you!!
Owl Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Originally by Quankanne "cheating," defined by my quank-o-meter, is repetitious, harmful behavior intended to sabotage a relationship, and the cheater does nothing to stop that behavior. A single kiss with someone other than your guy is regretful, yes, but it's not worth killing your relationship for. Discretion doesn't mean lying or keeping something underwraps, it's knowing when and what to share with someone because you respect them enough to do just that. I have to disagree a little here with you friend. My wife had an emotional online affair that nearly destroyed our marriage. Did she "intend" to...no. But it WAS cheating, and it was definitely the most painful thing I've ever dealt with. I'd amend your definition to say "knowingly" from intended. Just a little nit picking. EC- You've got a seperate issue from the kiss that you should think about. If you're spending a lot of time chatting with this guy you met online, and telling him things that you should be telling your BF, then you are in the beginnings of an emotional affair/relationship with this guy. What you should do is to break off your contact with him if you are wanting to keep your relationship with your BF. As far as telling...I'm normally all for honesty in a relationship. BUT, if you were to break this off now with the OM, and you've "learned your lesson" and are going to concentrate on your relationship with your BF, then in this case you probably don't have anything to tell him. If you do it again, if you keep investing yourself emotionally in this other guy, or anything along those lines, tell him and figure out what you're going to do from there.
quankanne Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 point noted, and agreed upon: "cheating," defined by my quank-o-meter, is repetitious, harmful behavior done knowingly to sabotage a relationship, and the cheater does nothing to stop that behavior. thanks for the clarification owl ...
VivianLee Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 I'm anti-telling! I DO think ignorance can be bliss! If you can just move on and forget it then it shouldn't be an issue. If he finds out (how in the world could he?) then you don't need to deny. I just don't see how relieving your guilt will benefit you or your relationship. Then he will have to add distrust to everything else he is dealing with in school.... How much longer will you be apart?? I'd reconsider the relationship if it's over a year. It's just human nature to want to cuddle and touch. I bet you feel like you are dying from thirst going so long without physical contact. You are young and in the prime of your life....it's got to be awful to have to hold in those feelings till you see him...if you think he is worth it.....stay with it BUT really think about it.....okay??
tiki Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by VivianLee How much longer will you be apart?? I'd reconsider the relationship if it's over a year. It's just human nature to want to cuddle and touch. I bet you feel like you are dying from thirst going so long without physical contact. You are young and in the prime of your life....it's got to be awful to have to hold in those feelings till you see him...if you think he is worth it.....stay with it BUT really think about it.....okay?? Viv's right about this. He better be worth it EC! He better be one helluva man, especially since the other guy bought you pizza!!!
Author EC Posted November 12, 2004 Author Posted November 12, 2004 How much longer will you be apart?? I'd reconsider the relationship if it's over a year. It's just human nature to want to cuddle and touch. I bet you feel like you are dying from thirst going so long without physical contact. You are young and in the prime of your life....it's got to be awful to have to hold in those feelings till you see him...if you think he is worth it.....stay with it BUT really think about it.....okay?? I know I do it all for the stuffed crust lol He is worth it...I would not be wasting my time otherwise.. and I realized just how worth it he was when this incident happened. He really is great and thats why I'm going through the guilt trip.. But Vivian Lee you hit it right on...I am thirsty..and it is hard to hold it in especially since am an "attention whore" lol and I am a very affectionate person but I am willing to try for him. I am not talking to this guy again and he knows that I made it clear today and I definitely want to work things out with my bf. I'm unclear as to how much longer... I posted before I will see him for a week and a half next week, then I see him for two weeks in december and then on and off again untill may that he comes down untill August. He has two years of college left but he said he was debating that as soon as his apartment lease was up and after this summer he was debating transferring to a closer college. So lets see how that goes.
VivianLee Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Sweetie...all chicks are attention whores!! And we NEED, heck, we CRAVE affection and love.... He has two years of college left but he said he was debating that as soon as his apartment lease was up and after this summer he was debating transferring to a closer college. So lets see how that goes. He really needs to consider that! I believe it would be so much better for you and he!! In fact, that may be what you want to base part of your decision on staying.... I don't think you are evil or awful for that date, it was wrong in the fact you are committed to someone BUT you are so young and it's understandable that you'd want to go out and be kissed!! You stopped it past a kiss which is alot better than some of us that are older and are supposed to be wiser have done....
hotgurl Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 oh ec, i'm sorry. this must be so stressful. I don't know how you do it. I would be a paranoid wreck. I need a lot of physical contact. Kissing, cuddeling ect... So I know I couldn't do a ldr. I wouldn't tell him. I think if your truely sorry, sounds like you are. and won't do it again. keep your mouth shut. It would damage the relationship more than it's worth.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 Yeah EC, whats the update? Did you go to see him yet, or tell him yet?
Author EC Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 Yeah after lots and lots of thinking I have come to the decision that I am not telling him. I haven't seen him yet I leave wednesday at 6:20pm..so lets see how it goes. Weds night I have to be with him all night and then thursday morning he has to go to class so I will sign on with his computer and give you guys an update. I am so nervous, I keep thinking he will look in my eyes and be like "AHA!! You cheated" Freaking little voice in my head..shut up..lol
meanon Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 EC, I don't think one kiss is the end of the world as long as you don't make a habit of it. If you think he can handle it, tell him so it's not a dark, dirty secret. If not, keep it to yourself. As others have pointed out, you're not that happy with a LDR. It sounds like he is having difficulty too. when the dust settles, that's what you should be talking about.
Author EC Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 Yup! I'm seeing him for a week and I am definitely using this time to talk and sort things out. Besides I'm going up there so I get to see the surroundings and the people he hangs out with and that way I am not so much in the dark about things up there. We are also spending Thanksgiving with our families together so I do't want to say anything and ruin the holidays..call it sellfish but I don't care. I know I wont do it again. I have learned my lesson..and everytime Ikiss him will be a constant reminder of that lesson. We need this week and a half to sort things out.
Pocky Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 EC - Please take this in a positive note and not as though I'm trying to flame you. (You're a really sweet girl and I think you generally have the best intentions.) Isn't it time you stopped with all the drama in your life? You turn everything into an "OMG OMG OMG" situation. You need to get a life that doesn't solely revolve around your boyfriend and you need to accept that his life may not solely revolve around you.
Author EC Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 OK wow...um I do have a life. I go out, I have friends, I go to school... It only sounds like I revolve my life around him because this is LoveShack so you write about your love problems...so I do while I'm at work bored...but I mean I have other things going on but I only focus on one subject here. I love him and I do focus a lot of attention on him but it's not what like that at all. We both have other things going on which is why we both benefit from having an LDR sometimes...
Pocky Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 EC - If we can't be blunt then our advice is pointless. We both have been posting on here long enough - you should know I'm not trying to be vicious and I (if the roles were reversed) should know, had you given the same response, that you weren't trying to be vicious. Don't you think there is a problem if you're getting so upset over your boyfriend not calling you on Saturday that you go out on a date and kiss another guy? What about when you freaked out when you thought he was calling an ex? I think you have a boyfriend that loves you dearly - why do you feel so insecure in your relationship?
Author EC Posted November 15, 2004 Author Posted November 15, 2004 I know you weren't trying to be vicious.....neither was I... I dont know why? I dont have an answer to that question.
blind_otter Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 I agree with not telling him because it was a kiss, not dry humping or making out or anything like that. I had a one-time thing with a friend about 3 weeks after I met my husband, before we established our couplehood, and stupid me, I went ahead and told my husband (then boyfriend), and it pretty much tainted the rest of our relationship. But I don't think this is emotional infidelity by any means - that would involve caring about the other dude. LDRs are really hard, I wouldn't do it myself (need too much attention), more power to you.
tiki Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 EC, if you log onto LS through his computer, just make sure to cover your tracks. You know your situation best. We do not know this "in's and outs" (haha, no pun intended) so I trust that YOU will make the right decision!
Author EC Posted November 16, 2004 Author Posted November 16, 2004 LOL I work for a computer company I will be sure to cover my tracks Don't worry. AHHHHH I leave tomorrow, I'm only have packed, I have a huge pimple and I think I'm losing my hair. lol JK but I am so nervous. I talked to him las night and everything was cool. He's sounds so excited about my visit and his friend even wrote me an e-mail on how my bf has not stopped talking about my visist and that he can't wait for me to go up. I'm so scared more about the plane ride. It's only an hour in a half but I had a really really weird dream about it that gave me chills.
JessicaAlmond Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 Some people on here with their morals and their advice.. You want real advice. This is reality. You are young and so is he. You have found eachother and it does sound as if you love eachother very much but there is the distance. I do not think you should say anything and Damn right if he starts messing up so what if you go out on another date. Do you have a ring on your finger? Do you have kids? I know how it feels to have an LDR and I know you sacrifice things and put things on hold, and hold back on life, because you are revolving everything around that person. You need to have other things in your life to distract you. Not saying you should go out and cheat on him but if you want to go out on a date and enjoy the harmless company of another man so what? Your 19! It would be a shame to have you crying at home wondering and worrying and him having the time of his life. Its being realistic. If it was just an innocent kiss then please don't stress, and don't tell him. Some things are just better left unsaid. I know you have to have trust but who knows what he is doing up there while your gone? You both young and you both have needs and this is the time in your life when you have to explore and do some growing up. I think you will be fine. Enjoy your weekend and the time you have with him and don't worry about it.
Author EC Posted November 16, 2004 Author Posted November 16, 2004 I am going to enjoy my weekend...and play dumb. I really dont think its the right time to tell him anyways...it didnt mean anything and Little by little I'll get over it.
Naive Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd I'm so scared more about the plane ride. It's only an hour in a half but I had a really really weird dream about it that gave me chills. Don't worry about it girl, ot will be fine. Plus, it's only an hour and a half!!! Have fun with yo' man
Naive Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd Yeah after lots and lots of thinking I have come to the decision that I am not telling him. I totally agree with you. This is the best choice!
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