danlightbulb Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Hi all. Been posting several times recently, and what i'm experiencing yet again seems to be a recurring problem. The lady I am dating (4 dates so far) is really nice but very quiet and non-committal. Now I've only known her 6 weeks or so and we've had 4 dates, so obviously I don't expect her to know me well enough yet. It takes me a while to get to know someone so maybe its the same or worse for her. She hasn't had a relationship for 6 years which is surprising as she is out alot with friends and is very nice and pretty too. Anyway, on our last date (last wednesday, an evening meal out) I asked her if she wanted to something this coming week, as she has time off work and so do I. I suggested we could go out for the day (all our dates so far have been evenings out). When I suggested it on the date I basically didn't get a constructive answer, so I left it alone. After I dropped her off home I text her (as I normally do) to say thanks for a lovely evening. She replied saying this: 'I'll let you know if I'm free next week. See you soon xx'. So the thing is I'm fairly sure that I'll see her again, but my experience with this lady so far has been that its quite hard to pin her down. I really don't know how much I should keep asking. It is always me that seems to be taking the initiative to set up a date, and if I wasn't the persevering type I may have given up by now on a couple of occasions. I like this lady and do want to see her again, and I'm sure I will, but just don't know when! So its monday now and if we were going to do something this coming week it would be tuesday, wednesday or thursday. So what do I do?
clia Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Hi all. Been posting several times recently, and what i'm experiencing yet again seems to be a recurring problem. The lady I am dating (4 dates so far) is really nice but very quiet and non-committal. Now I've only known her 6 weeks or so and we've had 4 dates, so obviously I don't expect her to know me well enough yet. It takes me a while to get to know someone so maybe its the same or worse for her. She hasn't had a relationship for 6 years which is surprising as she is out alot with friends and is very nice and pretty too. Anyway, on our last date (last wednesday, an evening meal out) I asked her if she wanted to something this coming week, as she has time off work and so do I. I suggested we could go out for the day (all our dates so far have been evenings out). When I suggested it on the date I basically didn't get a constructive answer, so I left it alone. After I dropped her off home I text her (as I normally do) to say thanks for a lovely evening. She replied saying this: 'I'll let you know if I'm free next week. See you soon xx'. So the thing is I'm fairly sure that I'll see her again, but my experience with this lady so far has been that its quite hard to pin her down. I really don't know how much I should keep asking. It is always me that seems to be taking the initiative to set up a date, and if I wasn't the persevering type I may have given up by now on a couple of occasions. I like this lady and do want to see her again, and I'm sure I will, but just don't know when! So its monday now and if we were going to do something this coming week it would be tuesday, wednesday or thursday. So what do I do? IMO, the ball is in her court. By my read of your post, five days ago you asked her to do something this week, and she was noncommittal at the time, and then told you explicitly that she would let you know. If she hasn't done so yet, it seems to me that she is not very interested in you. I would've expected her to let you know within a day or so what her schedule was and her availability. You seem to be clearly pursuing her; she needs to reciprocate. In general, women who are interested make sure they give you an alternative day if that can't do the one you suggest, and let you know when they are free. When they aren't doing so it indicates that they aren't all that interested. Have you two gone out on a weekend night yet?
Author danlightbulb Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Have you two gone out on a weekend night yet? Not yet really. The first date / meet was a saturday night but other than that they have been weekdays. I did have the opportunity a few weeks ago to go out on a saturday night again but following advice from on here I opted to suggest a sunday daytime activity instead (which then got cancelled). She has been very busy and has been away from home for the last 2 weekends anyway, plus I have my kids at the weekend so it can be tricky. I only get a saturday night free once every two weeks. The way I'm describing it, seems like she isn't that interested and that may still turn out to be the case. However our 'relationship' seems to be developing albeit very slowly. On the 3rd date we had a proper kiss and on the 4th date a longer proper kiss. Plus text messages now end in kisses whereas previously they didn't. Might not sound like much but like I said, I think she is very shy.
clia Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Well, if you think she is just shy then by all means keep pursuing her. However, she told you she would let you know if she was available, and she hasn't done so. Text messaging is perfect for shy people. She doesn't even have to speak with you! Have you communicated with her at all since your last date?
Author danlightbulb Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 (edited) Yes, yesterday. I was away yesterday until today on a cycling trip, which she knew about. She was away over the weekend as well so I text her yesterday evening and asked if she'd had a good weekend away. She replied and said she hopes I was having a nice time. It was short but her text messages tend to be short also. I didn't ask about doing anything this week during those text message yesterday. Actually I should also say that the offer of doing something for a day out wasn't open ended. I specifically suggested we could go and climb a mountain. This is something I know she is keen to do, however it could be that she isn't ready for it (not just me, the activity itself) or doesn't want to travel the 3 hour journey. I have been thinking that I shouldn't have suggested something so specific, and that if I was to contact her now, I could go back on this and suggest something more local. Edited August 26, 2013 by danlightbulb
Dzlez Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Have some dignity man. DONT initiate contact because she already said she'll let you know. I know you wanna contact her again but don't. The ball is in her court now, if a girl likes you she will contact you.
Author danlightbulb Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Have some dignity man. DONT initiate contact because she already said she'll let you know. I know you wanna contact her again but don't. The ball is in her court now, if a girl likes you she will contact you. I'm 33 now and been divorced. These 'who contacts who' games are really not my thing.
Skyraider829 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 So its monday now and if we were going to do something this coming week it would be tuesday, wednesday or thursday. So what do I do? What should you do? Maintain the polite pursuit of this seemingly lovely woman! Don't douse her in texts but let her know that you think of her and really enjoy your time together. She sounds shy, perhaps she just prefers that you lead more often? Could be. Don't go head-over-heels about this but don't be doubtful either.
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