Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Just letting out there...this man is simply amazing...there is no other words. When I *needed* someone to comfort me he is the only one who knew how I needed to be comforted. Not my family, not my friends, not my husband could really hear me...no one except him.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 (edited) Thank you. I know you're poking a bit of fun at me, but thanks, really. I'm thankful to have met this man. ...I just had the thought that maybe you think I'm talking about sex...no, not at all. We just talked, and he heard me and spoke to what he heard. Maybe that sounds silly to you but it's not silly to me. Edited August 26, 2013 by Confusion_Reigns
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 I'm not sure what else to say. I'm 42 with two children (16 & 19), I've been in a relationship with their dad for about 20 yrs...some years have been wonderful and some have been hateful...there's been some abuse, physical and verbal, that has been present in our relationships throughout all these years. If I knew then what I know now I'd have left him a long, long...long...time ago. But I didn't *want* to know so I stayed and tried harder. I think it was about 2 yrs ago I decided that I'm just here until the kids are 18 yrs old...again, if I knew then what I know now I would have just left then. It doesn't get easier to leave when the kids are 18, they don't stop needing you because their legal adults. The good thing about waiting...and the real reason I chose to wait...is that I will not have any ties to him (my husband) when the kids are 18...no legal battles or child support or any thing at all. that's what I want...so he has nothing to hold over my head on any level. Plus, the kids won't be stuck in the middle. That's my thought anyway. There's a lot of reason for this...but mostly it's just that I can't stand the thought of 20 more years of feeling this same way. I just got a book called "Codependent No more" that's been recommended to me. I'm only into the first couple of pages and it's spot on. I am somewhat horrified that I could be this woman in this book. But it's good. I need more info...and one of the reasons why I'm here on this forum. I've never cheated on him. Never even considered it. There've been opportunities but nah, not my thing. I have been cheated on by him more than once. I never thought I'd be a forgiving wife in this regard, I have my reason for taking him back and they are my kids. Really. Statistically speaking the kids have a better chance with a two parent home life. Realistically, they need their dad...they love him and it's good for them to have him in the same house. Now, I find myself very attracted to this other man. Highly attracted and that's got me really confused. I'd never cheat but here I am cheating. I don't want to sugar coat any of this...what I'm doing...but this man is just amazing, tho. Really and truly amazing. ...and that's the tip of the ice burg...
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 No he's not married. I have a good idea of what affair fog is.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 My daughter is 19 and heading to university in a few days. My son is 16 and is entering 11th grade.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Mr. Amazing (thanks, I like it) will be around as long as he'll be around. Maybe forever, maybe he'll leave next week. I simply do not know the future. I do know that he is amazing and believe he and I will always be friends even if we're never anything else. Which would suit me just fine.
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 You've said on another thread too, that your H has cheated and is abusive, both mentally and physically. I say leave now. Your kids probably are more aware of what has been going on more than you realize. Slow down that 'friendship' with the OM until you're divorced. Don't stoop to your husbands level and cheat as well. Have a clean and clear conscious, this way you and that other guy can make an honest 'go' of it when you're free and available to date openly. If you have that affair now, it's not starting off in a proper way..And that could bite you in the future. 2
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Thank you Whicewayisup. I do know you are absolutely correct. This is the way I want to go...and am working towards this...it's hard and scary and confusion! Any which way you slice it my life IS changing and I need to be mindful of what I do, why I do it, and how it's done. Slowing down the friendship. Yes, we've both done this...that's also hard and it hurts, tbh...but maybe not to the degree of NC, maybe just LC...it will be what it will be. LisaLee, I've never thought of any man as "mine all mine" because they are not MINE they are their own person. I couldn't and wouldn't want to be thought of as 'His all His" so I refuse to do that to them. Anyway, truthfully, (to me) it's seems to be a bit devaluing to the other person in the relationship.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 (edited) Good for you, I'm happy that you all are happy adding: when my husband calls me 'his' it doesn't give me the warm fuzzies...it causes tension inside of me.. Edited August 26, 2013 by Confusion_Reigns 1
ladydesigner Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 adding: when my husband calls me 'his' it doesn't give me the warm fuzzies...it causes tension inside of me.. It's because he is abusive that you see that comment as not so fuzzy. I hope that you plan to leave your M because of the abuse. No one deserves that.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Yes, I am afraid. But I think I'm more afraid of not taking the chance. You know I've been thru a lot with him. I'm not trying to say I'm perfect or that I haven't *somehow* contributed to this dysfunction...and I know I didn't cause this in him that it's how he choses to deal with his anger and whatnot....maybe just accepting the crap is my contribution to the dysfunction...but you know, when it's all said and done...I'm a strong woman and I know that no matter what I will be ok. Truthfully, I'm more afraid for my friend than I am for myself. I have let my friend aka Mr. Amazing know this about my husband. Heck, he's known my husband longer than I have so he *knows* who/what he is. A while ago I told Mr. Amazing that I should back off this friendship but he didn't want to...however, he also doesn't want me to 'sneak around' as he says...it's a weird place to be. Mr. Amazing wants to see me but doesn't want me to sneak around...so mostly we just talk thru social media or txting now...but it's ok. And as crazy at it sounds my husband can be the sweetest man. There are many-many women around here that would love to have him. I know this because there's acquaintances of mine who basically say that to me...but in a way that it's supposed to be a compliment. He's a good dad, he works hard, he can fix just about anything...he does the laundry always has (but that's really because I don't know how to do it right)...he keeps the cars nice (and I can't park under trees or I get yelled at)...so there's all these envious women who would love to love my husband...and so I wonder if I'm the crazy one. 1
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Of course I'm afraid of losing my children's respect. Of course! I don't see how it's a double betrayal just because he knows him...I didn't say he likes or respects him. No their parents are old friends and that's how they know each other.
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