only together 3 months. why am I still so devastated???

[hopefulfaerie]

For the full story you can read my previous thread.

Basically I was with a man ( that I just KNEW was the one! ) God, that's almost laughable now. Anyway, my world crashed literally in a matter of hours. I went from being on cloud nine to crashing through the gates of hell in one day.

That morning of that fateful day he contacted me, couldn't wait to see me and wanted to come over, he never showed up and that was almost three months ago.

I remember going to bed numb that night and then crying for weeks after because I just couldn't believe he would be so cold and not even send me a text telling me to bugger off. Yes, that would have been hurtful but the way he ended things with no goodbye and no explanation is way worse.

Anyway, I would never take him back ( not thst he's even tried) but I just want to be ober this pain! I should be by now!!! I remember the first few weeks, I kept thinking, well at least in a couple months I'll feel so much better and be over this.

I still can't sleep, I get horrid panic attacks in the morning. I can barely choke down a bowl of cereal.

I have done everything I can think of. I work hard ( have my own cleaning business) I go out with friends, I get my nails done, new hairdo, excersize, paint and sculpt ( my hobbies) but nothing seems to help. Even tried on line dating but that just makes me miss him more.

I am wonder if I am mourning the way I FELT and NOT HIM. Does that make sense? I really miss all the conversations, the sweet texts, the butterflies in my stomach, the feeling of not being able to fall asleep because i didn't want to. Reality had become so much happier than any dream I could ever have. We were totally in sync and very attracted to one another. I was never needy or clingy, just not my style. I still worked as hard as I ever did, made time for my friends and family. I never neglected any of my other relationships as far as that goes. Although I'm sure I just stared into d into space with a dumb smile on my face and stars in my eyes. People even commented that I never looked so happy and beautiful.

now I don't know that we were in love.....yet, but it was definitely headed there. Idk, maybe I was because now I am so sad and hurt. My self esteem is in the toilet! Not to sound "full of myself" but it shouldn't be. I'm pretty, talented, smart, blah blah blah.

Maybe I'm mourning all the plans we had that are now never going to happen. Do you think I could be so distraught over the " what could have been "

Has anyone ever been so upset by the demise of a relationship so new? I swear my cells are screaming for his!!!! I know that sounds crazy! I can't even believe I worded it like that but I want to be totally honest. I just want my old happy carefree self back. God, how do I do this???? I should be feeling so much better by now and the fact that I'm still such an emotional mess is TRULY TERRIFYING!!!! Really!!!! I keep wondering. . . AM I LOSING MY MIND??

Can anyone relate? Thanks so much for reading and for any thoughts ypu may have. I thank you and God for these message boards. It is my only lifeline right now. Btw, friends and family are sick of hearing about it and I have to pretend I'm over it because honestly it's a little. Okay no it's a lot embarrassing!

[Brown-Eyez]

i was with my great guy two months when he dumped me...

 

still reeling from the loss of what could have been something (I'll never know now)

 

from how I understand it, we are in a particularly bad spot when it comes to BU because we were in the great first phase of a relationship when everything is wonderful, that is a super painful loss, there is so little bad to justify the ending...

 

I feel for you especially since his departure was so mean and insensitive, at least my guy tried to let me down by blaming me for not being sensitive enough

[hopefulfaerie]

Brown-Eyez,

Thank you so much for your posts. It makes me feel so much better that there is someone out there going through the same agony. . Which actually sounds awful doesn't it? Ha ha! Not feeling better that you are in such pain!! But that I have a " hand to hold" while I walk through this nightmare.

But yes, you are absolutely right about how crappy it feels that something so "perfect" had to end. We never even said one harsh word to eachother, never even came close to an argument. This may sound dramatic but I feel like I was flying in a warm sky feeling incredibly happy, content, protected, desired, safe, maybe even in love snd then BAM!!!! My wings got ripped away, my chest was filled with concrete, lungs stabbed with shards of the most razor sharp glass and feeling absolutely crushed amd terrified!!! Talk about a 180 and all in the same f@@@@@@ day!!

I keep thinking I wish he had picked his nose, farted and laughed even neen rude to the waiter. . ANYTHING TO TURN ME OFF! Unfortunately, he was a perfect gentleman, funny, sexy as hell, great listener, butterfly kisses and well you know. . Ha ha!

Anyway thanks again. I REALLY TRULY hope you feel better soon!!!

You are more than welcome to message me snd talk anytime. I don't sleep anymore so I really mean that. Lol! Take care!

[chinacat sunflower]

I can relate. My last relationship was fast, and took 10 times longer than the relationship itself for me to get over him. Well, I'm not completely over it, but I've come a long way.

 

I think the reason why it hurts so much is because we feel as though we were not really given a fair chance. I know in my case, I messed up. We both did. Everything happened so fast and before I knew it, he was a stranger. I let my ego get the best of me and blew everything way out of proportion. All I needed to do was step back and take it for what it was. I have forgiven myself for how I acted, and I have forgiven him. I have no idea if he as accepted my apology as he won't even respond to a text or email.

 

In your case, the issue is on him. All him. You are not losing your mind. People that walk away like that have deep rooted issues. You are better off not having someone like that in your life. Imagine how much worse you would feel if your relationship lasted longer...

 

Just give it time. Time is on your side. Be patient and try not to beat yourself up about it. Keep on making art. When you feel weak, paint and/or sculpt the crap out of your material. Surround yourself with awesome people. Be selfish and do what will make you happy!! Feel free to message me, and I hope you feel better soon!

[hopefulfaerie]

Chinacat Sunflower,

Thank you so much. I will definitely want to keep in touch.

yes, I really feel cheated out of a seemingly promising and great relationship even though logically it wouldn't have been great or he wouldn't have burned me so bad.

Still, there are these crazy thoughts like, I have so much left to say that I can now never tell him, so many things I wanted to do. I never even got to make him dinner st my place, never got to take care of him when he's sick, never got to say " I love you"

It's like I have all these "images" for lack of a better word that are going to waste.

Again, logically I know that's ridiculous. They are not going to waste and I will be able to give my love to someone that appreciates it. But DAMN!!! It hurts right now!!!

Thanks again!!!

[Brown-Eyez]

Brown-Eyez,

Thank you so much for your posts. It makes me feel so much better that there is someone out there going through the same agony. . Which actually sounds awful doesn't it? Ha ha! Not feeling better that you are in such pain!! But that I have a " hand to hold" while I walk through this nightmare.

But yes, you are absolutely right about how crappy it feels that something so "perfect" had to end. We never even said one harsh word to eachother, never even came close to an argument. This may sound dramatic but I feel like I was flying in a warm sky feeling incredibly happy, content, protected, desired, safe, maybe even in love snd then BAM!!!! My wings got ripped away, my chest was filled with concrete, lungs stabbed with shards of the most razor sharp glass and feeling absolutely crushed amd terrified!!! Talk about a 180 and all in the same f@@@@@@ day!!

I keep thinking I wish he had picked his nose, farted and laughed even neen rude to the waiter. . ANYTHING TO TURN ME OFF! Unfortunately, he was a perfect gentleman, funny, sexy as hell, great listener, butterfly kisses and well you know. . Ha ha!

Anyway thanks again. I REALLY TRULY hope you feel better soon!!!

You are more than welcome to message me snd talk anytime. I don't sleep anymore so I really mean that. Lol! Take care!

 

Yeah, for me it felt like I was in a car going 100mph and was pushed out of it.

 

He dumped me right at the height of when I finally was falling for him (after he had put in almost 2 months of great courting of me)...the blow of his loss felt like almost a physical pain. I could barely work and didn't for the first week (we got back together briefly but then he went cold again, hence my now being in NC).

 

It truly sucks to be so open to being vulnerable and then for things to go so wrong.

I wish I could learn a lesson about how to protect my heart more, but I hate to become a walled-off person. (I'm going to be looking for some middle ground on that one.)

 

 

I'm still waking every night around 3 or 4am. Nicotine (and beer) have become my friends

 

And I absolutely agree, he wasn't perfect (not by a long shot) but never did anything that would make me want to leave him so soon.. (in fact he thought I might dump him initially! -jokes on me I guess..)

 

But I'm here as best I can to help you through this (weak smile)

[hopefulfaerie]

Yeah, for me it felt like I was in a car going 100mph and was pushed out of it.

 

He dumped me right at the height of when I finally was falling for him (after he had put in almost 2 months of great courting of me)...the blow of his loss felt like almost a physical pain. I could barely work and didn't for the first week (we got back together briefly but then he went cold again, hence my now being in NC).

 

It truly sucks to be so open to being vulnerable and then for things to go so wrong.

I wish I could learn a lesson about how to protect my heart more, but I hate to become a walled-off person. (I'm going to be looking for some middle ground on that one.)

 

 

I'm still waking every night around 3 or 4am. Nicotine (and beer) have become my friends

 

And I absolutely agree, he wasn't perfect (not by a long shot) but never did anything that would make me want to leave him so soon.. (in fact he thought I might dump him initially! -jokes on me I guess..)

 

But I'm here as best I can to help you through this (weak smile)

Thank you!!! And you too!

That reminds me, I need to get some vodka and a pack of cigs.

[theonlyjuan]

The early months are usually the best so it sucks! It's not like when you've been together a while and it's gotten boring and you've already had thoughts about breaking up

[LostInTheWild]

I think we pin too many of our hopes and happiness on another person that it makes it more difficult to grieve the loss of dreams.

[Brown-Eyez]

Thank you!!! And you too!

That reminds me, I need to get some vodka and a pack of cigs.

 

careful, no drunk dialing...

[hopefulfaerie]

careful, no drunk dialing...

Lol!!! Good point!!!

I only get 2 shooters purposely. Enough to relax and take away the sting but not enough to lose my senses. ( I hope! )