DumbA Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Hello all. I am a male that was in a bad marriage and had quite a torrid emotional affair with an associate of a company mine does a lot of contract work with. During this affair, I became romantically and physically involved with my work spouse. I ratcheted back EAP1 as I became more involved with P2. During the course of this time my spouse found out about both relationships and we split. P2 found out about relationship 1 as well. P2 was also in a bad marriage and left her marriage. AP2 and I have tried to work on rebuilding our relationship with varied degrees of success. We both love each other, (or at least that is what I thought) and rightfully P2 is angry about EAP1 and the fact I continued a friendship for a few months. I have since terminated all relations with my wife and EAP1 and have been that way for 18 months. My relationship with P2 has been rocky at best. I am madly in love with her, live my life as a completely open book for her. I recognize my narcissistic actions and the hubris I operated under and have become very humble and contrite in all my dealings with everyone. I have always loved P2, long before we both married others, I worshiped her from afar. We became lovers and I have fallen deeply, completely totally in love. However she is still angered (rightfully so) about my behavior with EAP1. she feels EAP1 will try to contact me and I still have feelings for her (which I dont) Unfortunately EAP1 is still with the company mine works closely with.. I just want to live the rest of my days with P2. How do I make P2 realize this and realize I am a different person than I was in the past? I recognize everyone will say I am a sorry SOB, and I am. I appreciate any and all input on my sorrid story and how I can rectify this wrong, and make the one true love of my life realize the degree of love I feel for her.
Author DumbA Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 No I am going through divorce. Sorry I was not clear.
underwater2010 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A. You need to divorce your wife, not just split from her. B. Continue to prove your new found "character" in order to let her develop trust in you. C. You can NEVER contact the AP1 again. If you do it will set you back to the starting line. I would suggest researching infidelity as though your AP2 was your BW. She is expressing the same tendencies that a BW does. Good Luck and realize that this is all of your own making.
Betterthanthis13 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 You may very well have a tremendous amount of love for P2. Ill bet she knows that. However- having extreme feelings are not enough What you have done in the past is demonstrate that you act on emotion without regard to anticipating that your emotions can and will always change. So you are now a firecracker- unpredictable My xbf loves me tremendously too, I'm sure he would take a bullet for me... But thats not going to make me trust him. Love and trust are two different things Start being stable and demonstrating that even though you have very strong emotions, you are in charge of them, they don't control you Not by numbing out or avoiding having feelings, but by taking the reins and channelling your emotion to your benefit. Demonstrate, over time, that you can make good decisions even when faced with what seems like overwhelming emotion. That's how you earn trust
Author DumbA Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 A. You need to divorce your wife, not just split from her. B. Continue to prove your new found "character" in order to let her develop trust in you. C. You can NEVER contact the AP1 again. If you do it will set you back to the starting line. I would suggest researching infidelity as though your AP2 was your BW. She is expressing the same tendencies that a BW does. Good Luck and realize that this is all of your own making. Thank you for your input, Underwater. I am researching all I can about infidelity and proving to P2 I am a better person now than I was. I realize more than anyone this is all of my own making. It hurts to admit, but its true
Author DumbA Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 You may very well have a tremendous amount of love for P2. Ill bet she knows that. However- having extreme feelings are not enough What you have done in the past is demonstrate that you act on emotion without regard to anticipating that your emotions can and will always change. So you are now a firecracker- unpredictable My xbf loves me tremendously too, I'm sure he would take a bullet for me... But thats not going to make me trust him. Love and trust are two different things Start being stable and demonstrating that even though you have very strong emotions, you are in charge of them, they don't control you Not by numbing out or avoiding having feelings, but by taking the reins and channelling your emotion to your benefit. Demonstrate, over time, that you can make good decisions even when faced with what seems like overwhelming emotion. That's how you earn trust Betterthanthis13, I am working on my emotions. I have no emotional attachment to EAP1. As I stated in a reply above she means nothing to me. I also have recognized that without my true love, P2, my life is in darkness and despair. Even when she is angry with me and wants to be totally devoid of me, she is my beacon of hope. I like the quote I saw here, "If you answer in anger in shame you dwell." I use this to keep my emotions in check. I use my shame and sadness caused by my betrayal of her to keep me in check. I wish she knew and I could express to her the humility I look upon everything with, and the degree I worship her. You said a mouthful when you wrote "love and trust are not the same thing". She says you cant have love without trust. I was loved and trusted and I betrayed them both. I think I am still loved, slightly... I only hope I can re-earn the trust and be worthy of her love.
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