ggas Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Let me first recap. I was in what I thought was a incredible relationship. She then left for an internship and an exchange semester in the US and everything changed. Basically my only role during her trip was to help her academically and that's about it. When she came back she was very distant, hesitant and generally unsatisfied with whatever I was doing. After 2 months since she came back I ended things. I really didn't want to but I felt like she was not brave enough to do it herself. Needless to say I was devastated, depressed and so on and so forth. But I didn't beg, didn't plead, didn't say "you did this and that and blabla". I went silent talking to her briefly whenever she would want to start a conversation. Never contacted her myself. I always wondered why things happened the way they did. Never really understood what I did wrong. Maybe I was too submissive to her will who knows. I tried to do what they say you should do post breakups. I started seeing a counselor for a short while. I made a bunch of friends. I started doing things I enjoyed doing before the relationship like playing poker, dancing etc. I even slept with a few women after the breakup and hooked up (kissing...) with a TON of women. But 6 months after the breakup I feel lonely. I am very mad with this human weakness of mine. To make things worse, one of my best friends right now is a girl. I tried to sleep with her once but she didn't want to. And now she is telling me how she is sleeping with this and that guy. It's becoming frustrating and exhausting being friends with her. Bleah... I'll see what I will deal with that situation. I still think a lot about my ex. We are almost strangers now to each other, something which I wouldn't have even imagined happening 1 year ago. It pains me to know I don't exist anymore for her. Sometimes I have flashbacks that are quite overwhelming. Like last night I was hanging out with some friends. We were all chilling getting high having fun and then a song started playing and I remembered it was the song that she played the first time we had sex. I got depressed instantly because I know she probably plays it for someone else now. I went to sleep just to get over this sad moment and it helped a bit. I wish I could hate my ex. I never regretted initiating the breakup. In fact I don't regret one bit that I never talk to her. Whenever she contacts me, it's quite exhausting to be perfectly honest. Fact is my ex is not a bad person. She has her flaws as we all do and that's what makes me sad sometimes... This thing that although she was a good person, I was never good enough for her. The irony. In the beginning of our relationship, she would always say that she is not good enough for me and truth is she loved me more than I loved her. I do blame her for all the manipulation she did on me while she was away. I had to work my job during the day and help her with her **** during the night and somehow if I would be a bit late online or with some task I was the bad guy. Sometimes there were threats of suicide from her which caused lots of anxiety in me. She might have even cheated on me. There are lots of things to suggest that but I will never know for sure. 6 months have passed. What did I learn? Well I learned a lot and nothing. I learned a lot in the sense that I learned to be more well guarded. I learned that I need to love myself more before I love someone else. I learned how to detect manipulation. I learned not to give in and lose my independence inside a relationship... And I learned nothing. I'm still the same guy. I didn't learn one new thing about me. Although my ex claims she changed a lot, I know for sure she hasn't changed one bit. It's all about the image she tries to portray about herself. I didn't learn when exactly in our relationship was the tipping point or how I could have done things differently. But even so. I don't regret this relationship. I just regret the way I was treated towards the end. So to conclude. Yes, I still feel sad. Not so much as in the beginning though. But I still have lots of memories. I still have flashbacks. I still have random depression episodes. But it gets better. aaa Forgot to say this. One thing I'm REALLY PROUD OF is that I MANAGED TO LET HER GO, KEPT MY DIGNITY AND NEVER TRIED TO GET HER BACK! Good luck to all of you!
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