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Bluebelle38

By Bluebelle38
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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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Sounds like you got it all together...

 

What was your question again??

 

As for me, I really don't care what you do... However, it is a bit annoying when some women tell guys "oh, I would never do that"... then go ahead and do just that.

 

It just kind of plays into the BS stereotypes that the PUA types here love to toss around.

 

Seems more straightforward to stop making a lot of proclamations about your chastity or what you will or won't do. Would probably help you and the guys you meet as well.

 

It is more clear cut to just say what you are looking for ONCE... then after that, you show them with your actions. My actions with a guy like that MIGHT include sex, but since I'm looking for a committed relationship, I'd just dump him afterward. Because I wouldn't want a relationship with a guy who sends pics like that to a stranger.

 

*shrug*

 

OTOH, I can't imagine even a ONS with a guy that uncreative and tacky could be fun at all... never mind... I wouldn't meet him.

 

...but yea, do whatever.

 

I will, thanks :)

 

As said, we discussed why he sent me the pic. We had both admitted we found each other very attractive before that and had sent normal pics. Anyways, gotta go.

 

Thanks everyone for your feedback. It is good to hear all perspectives.

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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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Update!

 

had a lovely evening! He turned up looking smart and I was pleased he was drinking mineral water. We watched a bit of live music and had a good chat about everything and cleared the air. I told him that I am wanting to wait to get to know him properly before there is any bedroom action - that I want to get to know him as a person and vice versa as I am looking for something serious at this stage in my life. :eek::)

 

He was as attractive as his pic, every bit the gentleman. When he left we had a little kiss and I was home just after midnight. No regrets at all.

 

He asked about meeting up again at the weekend or next week and I said sure. I enjoyed myself and am looking forward to it!!!! :):)

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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Good for you! Glad you had a great time. Good Luck!

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happykat Established Member

happykat

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I'm glad that you kept an open mind and went out and had a good time..

 

What's the big deal about a man sending a "naked torso" pic anyway? I think it's way different than a d**k pic.. A nice torso/upper body shot that looks good is hot - if a man takes care of himself, works out and looks good, it's perfectly fine with me if he wants to show off a bit. In fact, I think OP should post the pic, so we can judge for ourselves whether or not it was appropriate (and/or hot)!

MrTurk Established Member

MrTurk

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This guy did the text book approach that many guys do. They push the envelope and if its not reciprocated they withdraw to a safe distance.

 

Then they apologize and give out a host of excuses as to why they did it, trying to relieve themselves of responsibility.

 

The OP sounds as if she was already convinced she was going to have a relationship with him before they even met....as long as he didnt try for sex???

 

His "attractiveness" also sounds as if it gave him a pass on his many stupid actions. Men like this know they can push the boundaries....because women either respond to it, or even if they are offended, they allow him a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, chance.....because of his looks.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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Well, would be interested to hear what happened with this, so bumping. OP, you around?

 

She updated last night, and in another thread said she was leaving LS.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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She updated last night, and in another thread said she was leaving LS.

 

It's sad that the heat of another thread would drive someone off. Certain threads need to be tagged as dangerous. (Isn't there a caution sign that can be put at the top of a new post?)

 

 

In any case, was glad to hear she had an enjoyable evening.

MrTurk Established Member

MrTurk

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It's sad that the heat of another thread would drive someone off. Certain threads need to be tagged as dangerous. (Isn't there a caution sign that can be put at the top of a new post?)

 

 

In any case, was glad to hear she had an enjoyable evening.

 

At least thats what she says happened. I am not above the idea that some people on here fabricate outcomes....just so everyone cant say " I told you so".

 

I am not implying she did this. Simply stating my opinion that people could do it.

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MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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At least thats what she says happened. I am not above the idea that some people on here fabricate outcomes....just so everyone cant say " I told you so".

 

I am not implying she did this. Simply stating my opinion that people could do it.

 

It wouldn't surprise me.

 

 

How does one successfully backtrack from "pushing the envelope", as you so aptly put it? I've never found myself able to accept whatever excuse is offered for such behavior. First impressions, ya know? Whatever.

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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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Hi all

 

I had a great night, we both did. I did not sleep with him, or come remotely close. :D I already said to him before we met that was not on the agenda and would not be for some time. I have posted this already but it appears on the next date I will have to take one of you along to say what happens as it appears my word alone is not enough. :D

 

I got annoyed at another thread last night and said I was leaving in anger. I have since calmed down :)

 

Of course you can come back from pushing the envelope. If two adults are prepared to talk about it, which is precisely what we did, both on the phone and again face-to-face.

 

I think we both got carried away in finding each other attractive and the chemistry between the banter.

 

We are in contact, no pics have been sent and are meeting up on Sunday for lunch as he has his children with him overnight Saturday..

 

I have no problem stating if I am wrong - I said it on the other thread for those that were on it (and a good few were). I wonder if there are equally others who don't like to hear they were wrong and were hoping I would come back and say 'oh God, it was horrendous, he spent the whole night trying to grab my *rse' so they can say 'I told you so'.

 

I don't feel the need to post my every detail of this on here so I wont be keeping a running commentary. I am glad I went on my date, I enjoyed his company and look forward to meeting up on Sunday for lunch.

 

:):):):)

MidwestUSA Established Member

MidwestUSA

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That's great, and I'm glad you came back to tell us!

 

Also glad you overcame the adversity of the other thread - you'll learn to recognize them soon enough.

 

Where are we going and what do I need to wear? My closet is on the pathetic side. ;)

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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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That's great, and I'm glad you came back to tell us!

 

Also glad you overcame the adversity of the other thread - you'll learn to recognize them soon enough.

 

Where are we going and what do I need to wear? My closet is on the pathetic side. ;)

 

Going to a Thai place I love- the lady's choice :D As for what to wear.. that will be a much bigger decision to make. :p

 

Thanks for your kind message. :)

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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This guy did the text book approach that many guys do. They push the envelope and if its not reciprocated they withdraw to a safe distance.

 

Then they apologize and give out a host of excuses as to why they did it, trying to relieve themselves of responsibility.

 

The OP sounds as if she was already convinced she was going to have a relationship with him before they even met....as long as he didnt try for sex???

 

His "attractiveness" also sounds as if it gave him a pass on his many stupid actions. Men like this know they can push the boundaries....because women either respond to it, or even if they are offended, they allow him a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, chance.....because of his looks.

 

Exactly. Behavior I'd expect from a youngster... not a grown man.

 

I wouldn't care if he back tracked or not. Let him figure it out with the next woman.

 

A respectful man acts respectful all of the time and is consistent.... one's who aren't.... aren't. It's not that complicated.

 

Anyway, it seems the OP has a fairly low bar for this kind of behavior. Meh. They seem like a good match. Confused and hoping for something different. Just another day in the online dating world, really.

 

(shrugs and leaves the room...)

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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A respectful man acts respectful all of the time and is consistent.... one's who aren't.... aren't. It's not that complicated.

 

Anyway, it seems the OP has a fairly low bar for this kind of behavior. Meh. They seem like a good match. Confused and hoping for something different. Just another day in the online dating world, really.

 

(shrugs and leaves the room...)

 

Spot on, really. She set the bar so low, it's hard for him to not meet it now. But still, his stripes will eventually reappear.

  • Like 1
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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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Spot on, really. She set the bar so low, it's hard for him to not meet it now. But still, his stripes will eventually reappear.

 

You really are quite nasty aren't you. :laugh: Just couldn't wait to be proved right. You actually commented on the other thread that I had probably had sex with him - nice.

 

When you find a man that has never done anything wrong or something they regret - ever - you come back here and tell me all about it.

 

There really is no need for your little swipes and digs now. It only makes you look petty.

jcrew11 Established Member

jcrew11

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Perhaps this really is monogamous true love that the OP is searching for.

 

But just like Anthony Weiner sending dick pics to more than 10 women. There is a game in online dating of teasing and sexting, even if you never meet in real life. In fact, I'm sure there are lots of women that like "virtual flirting relationships" of sexting and nudie pics and phone sex - they want a Virtual Boyfriend because its harmless safe fun; and a woman can feel like she is wanted and desirable without the dangers of a real life meeting and/or potential dumping.

 

Many women and men enjoy these virtual relationships and trading of nudie pics. That is the entire premise of SnapChat.

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HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

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I think one of the reasons people get so upset is because most of us have probably been there done that. Let a guy get away with doing something questionable in the beginning only to have him show his true colors later on after you have gotten attached. You look back and see as Maya Angelou says 'people show you who they are, the first time, believe them'. But at the end of the day it's OP's life everyone takes their own path we can only share our experiences and move on.

  • Like 2
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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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I think one of the reasons people get so upset is because most of us have probably been there done that. Let a guy get away with doing something questionable in the beginning only to have him show his true colors later on after you have gotten attached. You look back and see as Maya Angelou says 'people show you who they are, the first time, believe them'. But at the end of the day it's OP's life everyone takes their own path we can only share our experiences and move on.

 

I understand what you are saying as I post on another forum that deals with personal and relationship issues. We all live and learn.

 

I am no saint and have made mistakes in the past and I am sure I will make them again. I have not committed to more than getting to know this guy and after our date I am glad I gave him a chance.

 

It is incredibly early days in getting to know him and I am totally enjoying myself. At this stage I couldn't ask for more.

 

When we date someone, we go into it not knowing what the future holds. There are plenty of men out there that do everything 'right' and still turn out to be not good for us.

 

It is always a gamble. :)

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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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I do have to honestly say that I've never had to spend a first date with anyone where I felt compelled to explain to them what my timetable on bedroom action would be.

 

A truly decent man would have never put me in that position.

 

This guy is a liar when he claims you're the first one he's ever sent pics to.

 

I did not discuss a timetable, please don't try and dramatise it for maximum effect.

 

We had been texting sexy stuff (hardly a crime) and I made it clear that I wanted more than a quick fling. I actually think it is important to both know where we stand. It certainly saves a lot of problems down the line about being on different pages.

 

He is the first guy I sent a bum pic in jeans too :p

 

He is on the site a matter of weeks, I was his first date off it. He was my third and by far the most enjoyable.

 

Can we close this thread? I think all that has been said has been said (several times over now)

 

I can just see it going down the route of nasty comments that I will feel compelled to reply to.

Edited by Bluebelle38
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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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I had never sent a pic like that before!

 

Definition of timetable: A schedule listing the times at which certain events are expected to take place.

 

There was no scheduled listing, simply a comment that despite attraction and sexy talk I wanted to take my time getting to know him.

 

We were flirting on the phone, which led to the message, it was not just something that came out of nowhere.

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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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As he is not that long out of a very long-term relationship (children's mother), and was on the dating site 2 weeks when we got in touch, I am not that surprised that he hasn't sent pics to a 'date' before.

heartshaped Established Member

heartshaped

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Some people tend to project. Typically, these people have been scorned and falsely assume that x behavior equals y attribute.

 

This guy might turn out to only be after sex, yes, but I'm sure if that's what he's after it will be revealed soon and the OP is more than capable of handling things by herself.

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Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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I do have to honestly say that I've never had to spend a first date with anyone where I felt compelled to explain to them what my timetable on bedroom action would be.

 

A truly decent man would have never put me in that position.

 

This guy is a liar when he claims you're the first one he's ever sent pics to.

 

I love how you just tell it like it is!

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Bluebelle38 Established Member

Bluebelle38

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I love how you just tell it like it is!

 

:p

 

Yep, especially if I had actually pulled out a timetable so we could together mark in our dates and the milestones in intimacy levels :lmao::lmao::lmao:

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Look, OP... you have nothing to prove to us...

 

We realize that everyone wants to feel special and everyone wants to give others the benefit of the doubt..

 

These are exactly the nicey-nice traits guys like this hone in on... leaving the unsuspecting and trusting person feeling like a chump. We've seen it here on LS a bazillion times.

 

Even worse... it makes things tougher for your fellow women when you encourage a-holes like this one... because it's like Pavlov's dog... intermittent reinforcement like the kind you offer keep that kind of behavior going.

 

The kind of behavior most of us have been subjected to at least once, if not more. We'd prefer if no women bit at this shyte mostly so it would be good and extinguished... like what happens when you ignore a little baby toddler tantrum screaming for candy at the grocery store.

 

personally, I'd rather spend my time saving the planet from climate change... that is a better use of my time. Another goal is occasionally to keep women from doing stupid shyte that is against their interests and also make it tougher for guys like these cheese balls from happily surfing through poosy while lying about their goals.

  • Like 1
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