Internet dating experience

[Bluebelle38]

Ok, so I need a bit ofadvice if that is OK.

 

I am 40 and recently started internet dating. I have been on a few dates, nothing special, but I got chatting to a guy who is 34, single now, but has 2 kids. That does not bother me at all.

 

So we are chatting away and I am thinking God, he is gorgeous. He tells me he loves my pics and we agree to meet upin a week's time. He then asksif I am free for a walk on the Sunday before the planned date, which is Thursday eve. I have stuff on so decline.

 

He calls me and we have a good chat and both admit to looking forward to meeting up. Then it happens.... he sends me a pic, semi naked and says he feels comfortable doing it. I was kind of shocked but laughed it off and sent him a bum shot, you can't see anything, jus the shape.

 

In hindsight this was a very stupid thing to do as he then sent another. I told him I feel uncomfortable and wont be sending anymore.

 

he said it is exciting and will add to the meet-up. He said he has NEVER on his life sent a pic like that to anyone but he feels comfortable sending it to me and is incredibly attracted to me. He asks again and I say no yet he still says he is looking forward to the date.

 

I message him I think we want different things, that I want to meet someone special and I think he want something more casual. He replies, that no, he wants to meet someone special too.

 

Is it possible this guy is just totally clueless after being in a relationship 13 years and single 2 years? Is it possible a man thinks a woman would actually be turned on by this stuff?

 

He has also sent me normal pics and one of him with his little girls. I just don't want to be played. God knows I have met enough of them.

[Philosoraptor]

Yea... I'm sure he's never sent a picture like that before and you're suddenly the one he wants to send pictures of his junk to.

 

Pervs just do this online to see if you're DTF.

[Bluebelle38]

Thank you, you have said pretty much what I thought.

 

he has just been in touch (as in now) asking can we bring the date forward and meet tonight as he wants to set the record straight.

 

If he wanted sex, I don't know if he would drive up to me for a walk around the park on a sunday morning? he lives an hour's drive away.

 

I would love to believe he is just a bit of a clueless idiot than a chancer.

[Bluebelle38]

Yea... I'm sure he's never sent a picture like that before and you're suddenly the one he wants to send pictures of his junk to.

 

Pervs just do this online to see if you're DTF.

 

You couldn't see his 'junk' but yeah, I said that to him. That it is easier for me to believe that he does this all the time and is a player than I am the first person he felt comfortable sending a pic to because he really fancies me.

[cliche1]

Do not give him the time of day, I feel he is a game player, it does not matter how long he was in a relationship for, even most 18 years old do not send pics online like that of themselves and they have far less common sense then a 34 year old man should. He has an ulterior motive and the person who would get hurt is you.

[Bluebelle38]

God, you are all saying the same thing.

 

I said I would meet him Thursday as I could not meet tonight.

 

He knew I had some very bad relationships and when I said I didn't think we should meet up he said it is a pity as I seem to be caught up in my bad experiences to notice a good one looking straight at me.

 

He messages me first thing every morning, rings me, I just don't know if he actually really likes me or is lying through his teeth and prepared to go to all this effort for a leg over? In my heart I know you are all right. I think I am stupidly fighting to believe it as I was so looking forward to meeting him.

 

Maybe I should meet him tonight? See how it goes? Suss him out?? he would be driving to my home town?

[Star Gazer]

Is it possible this guy is just totally clueless after being in a relationship 13 years and single 2 years? Is it possible a man thinks a woman would actually be turned on by this stuff?

 

Seeeee! I'm not the only one who gets these perves! Have you read this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/418807-perves-abound

 

It's my most recent gripe, and talks about another guy who did something similar... Only he sent me full on nude selfies and cock shots after our first date - but totally out of the blue!

 

I do think that him being in a relationship for so long and fairly recently single has something to do with it (all the perves I've encountered have that in common), but I think it's because they want to get laid pronto.

 

Move on - and fast! Don't waste your time on a creep like this!

[Star Gazer]

God, you are all saying the same thing.

 

I said I would meet him Thursday as I could not meet tonight.

 

He knew I had some very bad relationships and when I said I didn't think we should meet up he said it is a pity as I seem to be caught up in my bad experiences to notice a good one looking straight at me.

 

He messages me first thing every morning, rings me, I just don't know if he actually really likes me or is lying through his teeth and prepared to go to all this effort for a leg over? In my heart I know you are all right. I think I am stupidly fighting to believe it as I was so looking forward to meeting him.

 

Maybe I should meet him tonight? See how it goes? Suss him out?? he would be driving to my home town?

 

I would pass.

 

You are not a desperate woman. He's treating you disrespectfully and making it pretty clear that his priorities are sexual in nature.

[Bluebelle38]

Oh, the ball is fully in my court. I am a smart woman and will sort this out.

 

I replied back that I could meet him tonight. I am actually curious if he is prepared to drive an hour to meet me knowing that after our conversations that I am not just up for sex.

 

I don't get out that much (paying for a college course) and am long enough out of the dating game to use this as a little bit of a freshener up.

 

I don't think he will make it tonight, I really don't, now he knows I think he is just after one thing. :D:D:D

[Bluebelle38]

Seeeee! I'm not the only one who gets these perves! Have you read this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/418807-perves-abound

 

It's my most recent gripe, and talks about another guy who did something similar... Only he sent me full on nude selfies and cock shots after our first date - but totally out of the blue!

 

I do think that him being in a relationship for so long and fairly recently single has something to do with it (all the perves I've encountered have that in common), but I think it's because they want to get laid pronto.

 

Move on - and fast! Don't waste your time on a creep like this!

 

Oh God! What is it with them??

 

I actually said to this guy in atext today 'Icant' help thinking you are either a player or incredibly clueless as to what a woman wants. 'Click and see dick'* is not how a man respects a lady.

 

He has just sent me a message he will call me in a bit. Am thinking that call will never come.

 

* Am quite proud of that one haha

[Star Gazer]

And I bet good money when he comes to your town, you'll think that was "so much effort", like it's something to be grateful for, and he'll be oh so cute and charming at dinner, saying how much he likes you and how special you are and he'll hint to future things you can do together implying that this isn't just a one night deal, and you'll just want to have a little more time together before he drives home, and so you'll go back to your place for just another drink, and then he'll be too tired to drive home so you'll suggest he stay with the caveat that you're keeping your clothes on, but then clothes will come off you'll get effed and tomorrow morning you'll see him "Online Now!" looking for his next notch, and you'll be oh so confused because he cuddled you in his sleep.

 

Mark my words.

[Star Gazer]

Oh God! What is it with them??

 

I actually said to this guy in atext today 'Icant' help thinking you are either a player or incredibly clueless as to what a woman wants. 'Click and see dick'* is not how a man respects a lady.

 

He has just sent me a message he will call me in a bit. Am thinking that call will never come.

 

* Am quite proud of that one haha

 

I got the same calls, girlfriend. Don't answer the phone.

 

You just told him he disrespected you. Continuing to engage him after that is basically giving him a free pass to do it again and again. When a stranger disrespects you, you move on. You don't keep it going.

[Bluebelle38]

Actually, no, I have messaged him that there will be no sex tonight, so if that is what he is coming up for, then he is best to save his time and money.

 

ANd there won't be sex on a first date with anyone I meet online.

 

I am 40, not 20. I am attractive, smart, and independent and don't 'need' a man.

[Star Gazer]

I am 40, not 20. I am attractive, smart, and independent and don't 'need' a man.

 

Then why are you bothering with a guy who disrespected you? Continuing to engage him and see him says the exact opposite of "desperate."

[Star Gazer]

I see from your posting history that you have a history/tendency towards emotionally unavailable men. At 40, it makes sense why you're continuing to engage this guy, but you're doing yourself more harm than good...and wasting precious time.

 

Myself, I've BTDT, got and threw away the t-shirt. I can see these things from a mile away, but just like you, it's harder to see it when you're in it yourself.

 

Best of luck to you.

[cliche1]

Can only agree with stargazer, this man is more obvious than you realise, his attnetions are as clear as a blue ray on UHD Tv screens. Get rid and find someone more respectful of you AND themselves.

[Bluebelle38]

Thanks star gazer, will keep you posted.

 

Not sure what you mean by wasting precious time? I do not want children, never have, so there is no tick tock going on. I have also never wanted a big white wedding.

 

I have taken stock of a lot of things in my life and made a lot of changes personally (counselling being one).

 

He rang me and said he knows I won't be wanting to sleep with him or indeed anyone on a dating site so he is coming to see me in full knowledge he will be driving home afterwards

 

I haven't been out in ages so I will go out and have a laugh and report back. Worse case scenario I have a funny story to tell my girlfriends

[BluEyeL]

Yes, completely agree with all of the above. He is after sex only. Even if he comes in town and makes the effort. I did have one like that, he tried different things (didn't send a nude pic), but I knew what he wanted, and finally I did go on a date with him, still he wanted an ONS. Of course he didn't tell me that. They'll go on one or two dates with you if they really want to f*ck you and you'll make them do that. It still doesn't mean they want anything more.

[Bluebelle38]

I wont be f*cking anyone after only a few dates. No-one can make me do something I don't want.

 

If he is indeed only out for a shag, that will be apparent when he disappears off the radar quick smart.

 

I wont be sleeping with him just to keep him in my life.

[Star Gazer]

If he is indeed only out for a shag, that will be apparent when he disappears off the radar quick smart....

 

...after he has sex with you. You think that if he sticks around after a couple/few dates that means he's not just out for sex?

 

You've allowed the guy to disrespect you, and after putting your foot down, now you're a challenge. He'll keep coming back until he gets what he wants, and then he'll move on. His initial actions towards you say it all; he wants to get laid. That is his priority.

 

Wasting time = you're 40. Whether you want children or not, life is short. Pickin's are slim. While you're wasting time on this bozo, Mr. Right could pass you by for someone else.

[BluEyeL]

If he is indeed only out for a shag, that will be apparent when he disappears off the radar quick smart.

 

I wont be sleeping with him just to keep him in my life.

If you did, you'd still not be keeping him in your life. Not for long anyway.

[Bluebelle38]

I am sure he is out for sex, God knows I am as well. It has been a while for me and I certainly find him attractive.

 

But I am not giving it up after 1, 2 or 3 dates with him or indeed any guy. I have made it clear to him that is not what is happening. I am very happy to wait for that till I feel a genuine connection with someone that I want to romantically date.

 

I am going to meet with him, give him a chance to talk tonight and suss him out and also enjoy a night out.

 

I am not going to get burned for sleeping with a man too soon. I also have been there, done that.

[Bluebelle38]

If you did, you'd still not be keeping him in your life. Not for long anyway.

 

How do you know I am not some vixen that would have him screaming out for more.... the cheek

[Bluebelle38]

Not sure what you mean star gazer by pickings are slim? I have found that there are a lot of separated men around with children grown up that are looking for someone special. And I am using the messages and interest I have got online to substantiate that.

 

People meet at all ages. In fact, I actually think it is harder trying to find a committed relationship in your 20s as plenty of men are not ready at that age to commit...

[BluEyeL]

How do you know I am not some vixen that would have him screaming out for more.... the cheek

In fact, I'm sure you are a vixen. I just think it doesn't matter.