cliche1 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 (edited) Hi all, I have a dating situation that I am not sure how to go about things as its a situation I am not used to, this could take some explaining so bear with me. To explain, I met this girl online in mid july and we got chatting, I'm 27 and shes 21, nearly 22. Towards the end of the month and we went out on a date. She said she wanted to take things slowly and be friends first, shes had a a few bad situations in the past including an ex boyfriend that ran off with her laptop never to be seen again. So I am fully understanding of that, however I am worried about this going on to long and I end up being friend-zoned. So fast forward to now, friday just gone we went out for the 6th time. And so far we have had great conversation, not once has there been an awkward pause, we have a great time. We cuddle and hug a lot and I always do the gentlemanly things like holding a door open and letting her enter a restaurant first. But there has not been a kiss, and I tried holding her hand once during the 2nd date but she kind of pulled away, but on friday we did hold hands for a little bit at the table. But I still feel like I do not know where she is at as this is the first girl I've met in ages that i've really liked and got on with on a great level. I'm worried about bringing it up as I do not want her to think I'm pushing things forward. How else can I go about this? She told me in a text after friday she felt really appreciated and cared for which is a good sign. Her birthday is coming up in 2 weeks as well, and I want to do something special but subtle to show her that I'm serious and not like her ex's, but what Any help would be appreciated as I'm not used to this, I'm used to things moving a bit quicker than this. Edited August 26, 2013 by cliche1
KathyM Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Make a reservation at a nice restaurant to celebrate her birthday. Give her jewelry (nothing expensive, since you are just friends in the beginning of a relationship). Maybe a necklace with a charm on it. As far as how to progress with the relationship, you're going to have to take it slow, and work on building a bond over time. Keep escalating the physical slowly if she seems receptive to it. Put your arm around her when you walk with her, or hold her hand. Give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek. That's about all you can do until she feels more comfortable with you. Good luck. 1
Author cliche1 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Make a reservation at a nice restaurant to celebrate her birthday. Give her jewelry (nothing expensive, since you are just friends in the beginning of a relationship). Maybe a necklace with a charm on it. As far as how to progress with the relationship, you're going to have to take it slow, and work on building a bond over time. Keep escalating the physical slowly if she seems receptive to it. Put your arm around her when you walk with her, or hold her hand. Give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek. That's about all you can do until she feels more comfortable with you. Good luck. Thanks KathyM. I will give that a try minus the jewelry as she doesnt like Jewelry. So just keep doing the things I am doing and see how it plays out I guess. I just wish I knew where her mindset was at at the moment.
KathyM Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Thanks KathyM. I will give that a try minus the jewelry as she doesnt like Jewelry. So just keep doing the things I am doing and see how it plays out I guess. I just wish I knew where her mindset was at at the moment. Be sure to give her a birthday gift of some kind, though. She will appreciate the effort. One that is not expensive, but thoughtful. Her mindset is that she wants to take it slow and be friends first and get to know you first before becoming too romantic. But make sure you keep a romantic tone to the dates, even if it is on a light level. 1
Author cliche1 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Yeah I will probably get her something she likes, she is into flowers so might get some of those and chocolates, I just do not want to get too romantic too soon because I love romance and cannot help doing romantic things, I've had a subtle hint of romance in dates, I've often got her small gifts and things like that.
Author cliche1 Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Update: So it seems shes lost total interest in me. Suddenly the messages stopped yesterday, and they had been very frequent until then, I Rang her, no answer, I whatsapped her to ask how she was and all I got was "I'm really not in the mood". figuring she didnt want to talk I told her that if she wants to talk i'm here when shes ready to and that if I can help etc and to contact me when shes ready, to give her time and space. but it is looking like another one bites the dust as I have seen it all before.
NateC Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Update: So it seems shes lost total interest in me. Suddenly the messages stopped yesterday, and they had been very frequent until then, I Rang her, no answer, I whatsapped her to ask how she was and all I got was "I'm really not in the mood". figuring she didnt want to talk I told her that if she wants to talk i'm here when shes ready to and that if I can help etc and to contact me when shes ready, to give her time and space. but it is looking like another one bites the dust as I have seen it all before. Relax and give it a couple days...it's possible something life-related came up and she's stressed out. I'd try to talk to her again in a couple days or so.
bubbaganoosh Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 If I were you, I would look for another. If someone has emotional problems (and I'm not knocking the girl) they need time to work it out on their own. No doubt she is a nice girl but you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. When I got divorced from my wife, I was really disgusted with everything and I tried dating and being in the wrong frame of mind, I had this fixation that all women were just like the SOB wife I wasted 10 years with. Was it fair? No. I had no right thinking that and a couple of the women were really nice but in my mind they were all the same until one of my best friends pointed out to me that I have a real shi##y outlook on life and I'm making a fool of myself. I finally came out of my funk but it took time. Same thing with her, but it might take more time than your willing to give.
paigej91 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) This sounds EXACTLY like a situation I'm in (age and everything), but I'm her. Honestly, I don't understand what you mean by "I don't want her to think I'm pushing things forward". Does this mean you don't want to be in a relationship with her, even though you really like her? If so, stop talking to her so that she doesn't waste her time. Like you, she's really into you and probably doesn't find a guy like you very often. She wants a relationship with you, and is taking it slow because she wants to make sure you want a relationship rather than a FWB. She might even make you wait to have sex until you're in a relationship, who knows. Edited August 28, 2013 by paigej91
Author cliche1 Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 This sounds EXACTLY like a situation I'm in (age and everything), but I'm her. Honestly, I don't understand what you mean by "I don't want her to think I'm pushing things forward". Does this mean you don't want to be in a relationship with her, even though you really like her? If so, stop talking to her so that she doesn't waste her time. Like you, she's really into you and probably doesn't find a guy like you very often. She wants a relationship with you, and is taking it slow because she wants to make sure you want a relationship rather than a FWB. She might even make you wait to have sex until you're in a relationship, who knows. What I meant was if she was being cautious then I didnt want to push things forward and scare her away. Its all academic now though, she sent me a text saying she has tried to see me romantically but feels we only have a connection as friends and friends only. So thanks all but it isn't meant to be
paigej91 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 What I meant was if she was being cautious then I didnt want to push things forward and scare her away. Its all academic now though, she sent me a text saying she has tried to see me romantically but feels we only have a connection as friends and friends only. So thanks all but it isn't meant to be Aww, well good luck with the next one
SugarLips72 Posted August 29, 2013 Posted August 29, 2013 Welcome to the world of dating. It sucks I'm dating again after a divorce and cannot seem to date a guy longer than a couple weeks before I lose interest. I've only been dating about a year since my divorce and already of sick of it. 6 dates is a long time without kissing. You should always kiss by 3 rd date at the latest. If a woman is interested she will allow you to kiss her by date 3. Good luck. Stuff likes this happens. You sound like a nice guy and maybe this girl is just confused on her feelings.
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