Sunshine87 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The saga continues hahaha! I got a "Hey" text earlier today followed by a "What are you up to?" when I didn't respond for a few hours. I still haven't responded, but I feel like I should say something tonight to avoid seeming like I am ignoring him mean-spiritedly... I'll tell him sorry I've been busy, like you guys suggested. And then something like "If you've got something better than 'come over' I'll let you know if I'm free" -- But I know referencing his earlier text is probably not seeming as disenchanted with him as I should if I want him to take me seriously. So maybe "Sorry I've been crazy busy. But yeah let's see each other soon/Let me know when you want to make plans." Thanks everyone for all of your wisdom/ideas/opinions! <3 This is seriously the most helpful place on the internet, haha! Notice how he went from ordering you to come over, to communicating with you more respectfully? Well done for not succumbing. Silly boy. 3
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The saga continues hahaha! I got a "Hey" text earlier today followed by a "What are you up to?" .. This "Sorry I've been crazy busy. But yeah let's see each other soon/Let me know when you want to make plans." Not this I'll tell him sorry I've been busy, like you guys suggested. If you've got something better than 'come over' I'll let you know if I'm free" Or maybe slightly more directive. Sorry I've been crazy busy getting settled. But yeah let's make plans to see each other soon/Let me know when you want to show me the town now that I am a resident! The reason for more directive is this, if he IS a POS like many posters think, you probably won't hear from him again, or it will be a drunken boogie call. IF he is not a POS and he likes you then he will behave appropriately to the text. I like the test element of the second response, but up to you. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 The saga continues hahaha! I got a "Hey" text earlier today followed by a "What are you up to?" when I didn't respond for a few hours. I still haven't responded, but I feel like I should say something tonight to avoid seeming like I am ignoring him mean-spiritedly... See this is proof that he is "getting it". You didn't respond last night. Now he's curious because he assumed you would jump when he was finally ready to contact you. Good! Still his current question is a little immature and still testing. Not to worry. Just shows that he is re-assessing how to approach you. A little half-ass but not end of world. Yes I would respond today. You just have to mentally convince yourself that you have been busy moving....as you have been. See! Turn it around on him. "Oh so sorry i am just getting in touch now. I was busy with my move." That's not mean spirited and i wouldn't advocate that. There should be an element that you are trying to squeeze him in in your tone. Just be busier than he initially assumed you were. I don't think you know him well enough that he is going to ask for details of what made you so busy. (while i'm saying you should have been kinda fake busy in this convo, really in life get busy for real+guys treating you badly will be less of an issue--i promise!)
Versacehottie Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) "Sorry I've been crazy busy. But yeah let's see each other soon" is a great response. Then PAUSE.....let him fill in the blank of what/how/when/where. You have to kind of be ok that they will either figure it out or they won't. If you are doing all the work of make it easy for you two to see one another, most likely it's going to be a short-lived or booty call situation. Let him show you what he's got. If he can't step up this much, he is not worth it anyway and you would not get much enjoyment out of time spent with him truly. Lot of heartache+uncertainty because all would be on his terms. If you want to help him out a bit, you can say...."sorry so crazy busy....and then ramble on about not having a way to cook yet, haven't found good restaurants, something like that. It's pretty obvious but he can take the next step and fill in the blank. If he's a good guy, he should be thinking "oh this is how i can help her out, let me suggest some good restaurants or take her to one". You can even be more specific, say you need to find a great pizza place or mexican or something and let him take it from there. don't ask him if he knows one. Being the guy in the know is a chance to impress you. If he likes you, he should want to do this. And you will be giving him an open opportunity to do it! If you want to turn up the heat, talk about the new friends you have been making at new work or in new neighborhood. Don't make it up but be vague or exaggerate so that he gets the message that if he doesn't hurry up someone else might snap you up. Good luck. Edited August 27, 2013 by Versacehottie
Author csandiegooo Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) He texted me AGAIN when I still hadn't responded (I was actually busy!!) and just said "Oh well..." I responded with what I said I would "Hey, sorry I've been crazy busy. Let's see each other soon." He immediately responded "I got engaged :/" which is obviously just a joke. So I texted "I have 10 husbands but that's not stopping me." It hasn't been that long, but now I'm worried I put him off and he's going to try and play a game to make me chase him again. What if I said something like "We're finally in the same city so we should stop bs-ing and hang out tomorrow." or should I just wait again? Would that be playing into what he wants or maybe just be a wakeup call? I feel like he's trying to turn the tables and that's just so unfair! Edited August 27, 2013 by csandiegooo
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 He texted me AGAIN when I still hadn't responded (I was actually busy!!) and just said "Oh well..." I responded with what I said I would "Hey, sorry I've been crazy busy. Let's see each other soon." He immediately responded "I got engaged :/" which is obviously just a joke. So I texted "I have 10 husbands but that's not stopping me." It hasn't been that long, but now I'm worried I put him off and he's going to try and play a game to make me chase him again. What if I said something like "We're finally in the same city so we should stop bs-ing and hang out tomorrow." or should I just wait again? Would that be playing into what he wants or maybe just be a wakeup call? I feel like he's trying to turn the tables and that's just so unfair! Is it a joke? Weird didn't sound like a joke. Did he respond to your 10 husbands thing?
Author csandiegooo Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Is it a joke? Weird didn't sound like a joke. Did he respond to your 10 husbands thing? I mean, it wouldn't make sense if he got engaged, haha. I assume he was just hurt he texted me so much without a response. He hasn't texted me back yet but it's only been 40 minutes or so. Should I text him and just cut the crap for both of us?
Versacehottie Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 He texted me AGAIN when I still hadn't responded (I was actually busy!!) and just said "Oh well..." I responded with what I said I would "Hey, sorry I've been crazy busy. Let's see each other soon." He immediately responded "I got engaged :/" which is obviously just a joke. So I texted "I have 10 husbands but that's not stopping me." It hasn't been that long, but now I'm worried I put him off and he's going to try and play a game to make me chase him again. What if I said something like "We're finally in the same city so we should stop bs-ing and hang out tomorrow." or should I just wait again? Would that be playing into what he wants or maybe just be a wakeup call? I feel like he's trying to turn the tables and that's just so unfair! Of course he's trying to turn the tables!!! Again, still testing you. I feel like you know him so the "i got engaged" is a joke (god, i hope so). But you have him on his toes much more than a couple of days ago. It's working. He is starting to recognize that you have worth and he's got to put in proper requests in order to get time with you. DO NOT SUGGEST HANGING OUT TOMORROW!!! This again is same as you asking him out. When the waiting is working, why would you stop it? He's trying to turn the tables because now YOU have the upper hand. Wait and see what he has to suggest.... 2
Author csandiegooo Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Of course he's trying to turn the tables!!! Again, still testing you. I feel like you know him so the "i got engaged" is a joke (god, i hope so). But you have him on his toes much more than a couple of days ago. It's working. He is starting to recognize that you have worth and he's got to put in proper requests in order to get time with you. DO NOT SUGGEST HANGING OUT TOMORROW!!! This again is same as you asking him out. When the waiting is working, why would you stop it? He's trying to turn the tables because now YOU have the upper hand. Wait and see what he has to suggest.... This part of the waiting is the WORST though and hardest to deal with because since I finally established contact with him, I now feel like him not responding = me being given the boot. So, do you think he won't think I'm too mean or blowing him off? Will this really just entice him more? Then why hasn't he texted me back after my joke? :/ I guess it's just really hard to understand from a woman's perspective!
forgetmenot75 Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 (edited) I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but I think he's not all that interested. Why did you text him about your 10 husbands? I personally don't find it funny, neither his " joke" about being engaged. I'd asked him instead, what do you mean? Edited August 27, 2013 by forgetmenot75
Versacehottie Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 This part of the waiting is the WORST though and hardest to deal with because since I finally established contact with him, I now feel like him not responding = me being given the boot. So, do you think he won't think I'm too mean or blowing him off? Will this really just entice him more? Then why hasn't he texted me back after my joke? :/ I guess it's just really hard to understand from a woman's perspective! The waiting part is always hard. And when you want something and you been given a little tiny bit of what you want, you think to yourself "let me push this along, so i can get what i ultimately want". I'm not saying that you specifically are desperate. But moves like this let a guy know he has you in the bag. You have to forget about the end result of what you THINK you want. Change your mentality to where you are evaluating everything he shows you to SEE if you want to go the next step, and then the next step. It will make it less like game playing and build your self-worth. Some guys may not be up to it...and some guys may disappear on you BUT you haven't not "played the game" correctly, you have just exposed their real intentions and ready-ness. And that's what these beginning stages are for. Listen don't worry about being too mean--he wasn't worried about being too mean with his first text msg@being engaged. It's good that you both were playful. Again if he runs because of that little joke, he's not worth it.
HappyLove Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 You are strong and very direct but it comes off as chasing and you saw where that got you, nothing more than a booty call and him ignoring you. Don't you want a man who can't wait to see you, who asks you out without all this texting crap. Hell, a man who knows you just moved into town and at least tells you WELCOME! Don't you deserve more? 1
Negative Nancy Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I'm wondering if it's "Just a Poster" in disguise. My guess was woman in blue or Alice. But all of them including the one you mentioned have a similar style so who knows.
jcrew11 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Whether rightly or wrongly, I think women everywhere make the mistake that if they have sex (on the first night or on the 3rd date) that it means that they can trap the guy and keep him around. Now, the guy can promise you monogamy - but the reality is, you are really never monogamous until an engagement or marriage. Women, foolishly or naively or stupidly, do not realize that the main goal for men is just to get Sex; and Nothing more. Men don't want relationships, they just want to use women for sex. Women just become Emotional, stage 5 Clingers because they expect a man to stay with them. Of course, monogamy and marriage depend on the Guy's age. If he is under 30, then forget about monogamy.
jcrew11 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Bumping this because he did text me today saying “Where are you? Come over?” It was before 6PM so not exactly a booty call, but not exactly NOT a booty call. So, obviously I think I should wait a few days to text him like you guys said…but when I do, what do I even say? I want him to feel like if he wants to see me, they have to be more serious plans, i.e. not “drop everything you’re doing” plans. So what kind of texts still keep him interested and make him want to "chase" while not seeming too blow-off-y or straight up mad? Maybe wait a day at most to text him back. You don't want to play games. Just call him on the phone like a real person in a real relationship. Texting is not a real relationship, and you should always try to call a guy in the beginning.
jcrew11 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 The saga continues hahaha! I got a "Hey" text earlier today followed by a "What are you up to?" when I didn't respond for a few hours. I still haven't responded, but I feel like I should say something tonight to avoid seeming like I am ignoring him mean-spiritedly... I'll tell him sorry I've been busy, like you guys suggested. And then something like "If you've got something better than 'come over' I'll let you know if I'm free" -- But I know referencing his earlier text is probably not seeming as disenchanted with him as I should if I want him to take me seriously. So maybe "Sorry I've been crazy busy. But yeah let's see each other soon/Let me know when you want to make plans." Thanks everyone for all of your wisdom/ideas/opinions! <3 This is seriously the most helpful place on the internet, haha! Why are you so obsessed with this One guy? He obviously has other women he's seeing; because he's not spending time with you; so he must be dating other women, and hooking up with other women, that is what players do. If he is smooth enough to have a one night stand, then he is seeing other women, instead of returning your texts. My recommendation is meet other men. Go online and meet other men - its not difficult for a young woman to meet cute guys online or even bar-hopping. Make him jealous by dating other guys. He will realize he made a big mistake.
jcrew11 Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 This part of the waiting is the WORST though and hardest to deal with because since I finally established contact with him, I now feel like him not responding = me being given the boot. So, do you think he won't think I'm too mean or blowing him off? Will this really just entice him more? Then why hasn't he texted me back after my joke? :/ I guess it's just really hard to understand from a woman's perspective! Ask him how many girlfriends he has? He obviously has a girlfriend or many girlfriends. Tell him to call you, otherwise he's not interested in you for a relationship, just a casual sex partner. But from the sounds of it, you want to be the scraps when he has a dry spell with the other women. 1
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