I confessed, she's on the fence & now she's coming back to the US. How should I act?

[Teknoe]

1. Be normal -- act like the confession never happened and be friends as I was with her before she left on this 5 week vacation (yes, I confessed via email 1 week into her vacation... what's done is done)

 

2. Clearly tell her on our first hangout "Hey, it's totally up to you. If you are interested at any point, then make a move so I'll know. Otherwise, I will respect your boundaries and just be friends if that's all you want."

 

3. Other?

 

She basically said "aw how sweet but I am not ready yet to date seriously. However, I love your company and still want to hang out. I just don't want to lead you on unintentionally just because I love your company."

 

Those are her words.

 

Her actions speak louder, as she has not been responding to little emails I've sent to her here and there. She also said she'd write me a post card, but I have received nada yet and don't expect anything to come in the (snail) mail.

 

So it tells me she was flattered but just not interested. Therefore, I am wondering how I should act when I see her in early September. Would it be weird or "gutless" if I just want back to normal status quo between us and never bring up the confession/topic ever again in live person?

 

Or should it be a topic that I approach with her in person LIGHTLY, if nothing else to set up boundaries one way or the other?

 

Please advise. Ideally, I want to bring it up on our 1st hang out, as it is the elephant in the room, but I also don't want to weird her out or make her feel like "uh oh, I can't hang out with Tek because he's smitten with me."

 

At this point, I am OK with friends. Like, platonic. Because if a girl doesn't want to be with me that way, why should I want to be with her? But if she does see me in a romantic light all of a sudden, then yes, I'd like to date her. It's as simple as that. I adjust my expectations according to her level of interest.

[Lani]

I think you need to mention it, otherwise it's definitely going to be an elephant.

 

I'd go with something along the lines of 'Look, we can't pretend that our conversation about me wanting to pursue more with you didn't happen. I'm happy to remain friends if that's all you want, and I promise to let you know if my feelings are developing more than I can handle, if you promise to let me know if things change for you?'

 

It leaves it open for more to happen, and that you are still interested if she is, but that you're ok to carry on the way you were.

[Lani]

Do you guys hang out just the two of you? I'd go in for a kiss. Actions do speak louder than words.

 

You clearly haven't read any of the other posts about this.

Or you're just being a douche.

 

Either way, this is terrible advice for this situation.

[Teknoe]

I think you need to mention it, otherwise it's definitely going to be an elephant.

 

I'd go with something along the lines of 'Look, we can't pretend that our conversation about me wanting to pursue more with you didn't happen. I'm happy to remain friends if that's all you want, and I promise to let you know if my feelings are developing more than I can handle, if you promise to let me know if things change for you?'

 

It leaves it open for more to happen, and that you are still interested if she is, but that you're ok to carry on the way you were.

 

 

Lani, this makes a lot of sense. I think I'd be a puss if I didn't at least address it in some fashion, and I like the fashion with which you went about addressing it Now I just hope I can get the words out of my mouth in person smoothly enough! LOL

 

Dood, we always hang out 1 on 1 and NO, I am not going for a kiss lol. Not unless she's totally asking for it with her body, which I somehow highly doubt she will.

 

Thanks again Lani. Your post was helpful. We haven't really talked about it much since her reply to me... I have tried to get things back to "normal" but when I see her in person I will bring it up and hope it goes well.

[Lani]

Lani, this makes a lot of sense. I think I'd be a puss if I didn't at least address it in some fashion, and I like the fashion with which you went about addressing it Now I just hope I can get the words out of my mouth in person smoothly enough! LOL

 

Dood, we always hang out 1 on 1 and NO, I am not going for a kiss lol. Not unless she's totally asking for it with her body, which I somehow highly doubt she will.

 

Thanks again Lani. Your post was helpful. We haven't really talked about it much since her reply to me... I have tried to get things back to "normal" but when I see her in person I will bring it up and hope it goes well.

 

I'm sure it will go fine

It's definitely worth mentioning, just not asking anything of her.

 

Good luck, let me know how it goes!

[Els]

Tek...

 

Sorry, I really hate to burst your bubble, but her response isn't equivalent to her being 'on the fence'. IMO, it was a 'no' put in a nice and tactful manner. You can continue being friends with her IF you want, but I don't think anything romantic is going to come of it. I guess I don't see much point in bringing it up again either, unless your previous confession wasn't clear. You already laid your cards out on the table, she rejected you.

Edited August 26, 2013 by Elswyth

[KathyM]

She's basically stated that she just wants to be friends. If you are O.K. with that and want to keep her in your life as a friend, then I would suggest the talk where you are saying basically that "I value your friendship and I wouldn't want to lose that. Even though I was hoping it could be more, we can keep it on a friendship level, because I do care about you as a friend also." And then treat her as a friend. Don't be looking for signs of greater interest, or making a move on her. She has told you point blank that she sees you only as a friend. If you are not going to be O.K. as just friends, then I would suggest letting this relationship go. It's too painful to be investing your emotions into someone who is not willing to reciprocate them. Plus it takes time and energy away from people who might be receptive to a romantic relationship. So if you want her as a friend only, then go for it. If you are expecting something more, then you are likely wasting your time that could be better spent cultivating more romantic interests with others.

[Teknoe]

Els and Kathy,

I can see what you guys are saying. True, her actions seem to suggest not being on the fence but rather being avoidant and/or extremely cautious with leading me on.

 

I guess I'll see her in person and gauge her interest level then. If she seems "ready" for a light casual up front talk about the confession, then I'll bring it up. But if she seems distanced and more of a "courtesy hang out" then I'll keep it mum.

[Els]

Els and Kathy,

I can see what you guys are saying. True, her actions seem to suggest not being on the fence but rather being avoidant and/or extremely cautious with leading me on.

 

I guess I'll see her in person and gauge her interest level then. If she seems "ready" for a light casual up front talk about the confession, then I'll bring it up. But if she seems distanced and more of a "courtesy hang out" then I'll keep it mum.

 

Her line sounds like almost exactly what I once told a guy whom I had zero interest in, but didn't want to hurt his feelings.

 

IMO, based on what I've seen guys do successfully, you have two options from this point onwards:

 

1) Don't spend any more time thinking about her in a potential romantic capacity, but move on to other girls instead. You can keep being friends if you like, but don't expect more to come of it.

 

2) Try and subtly 'woo' her to get her interested in you. This one is iffy, because in the end there's still a pretty high chance that it won't work out if her interest level was low to begin with (and then you would have wasted a lot of time), but I have seen guys do it and succeed. The key is to make her feel no pressure (so she doesn't get her defensive hackles up and think you're trying to put the moves on her), while forming an emotional bond that may eventually spur romantic feelings on her part. Only do this if she is really, really special to you, and you feel you have nothing to lose by trying.

 

Either way, it is pointless to talk to her about it again, IMO. Won't achieve anything with that.

 

I understand that these options don't necessarily mesh with modern American concepts of dating, but I have a feeling that you and the type of girls you like would lean more towards my interpersonal style, hence my suggestions as an alternative to the typical PUA stuff that 1337 is talking about.

[Lani]

Her line sounds like almost exactly what I once told a guy whom I had zero interest in, but didn't want to hurt his feelings.

 

IMO, based on what I've seen guys do successfully, you have two options from this point onwards:

 

1) Don't spend any more time thinking about her in a potential romantic capacity, but move on to other girls instead. You can keep being friends if you like, but don't expect more to come of it.

 

2) Try and subtly 'woo' her to get her interested in you. This one is iffy, because in the end there's still a pretty high chance that it won't work out if her interest level was low to begin with (and then you would have wasted a lot of time), but I have seen guys do it and succeed. The key is to make her feel no pressure (so she doesn't get her defensive hackles up and think you're trying to put the moves on her), while forming an emotional bond that may eventually spur romantic feelings on her part. Only do this if she is really, really special to you, and you feel you have nothing to lose by trying.

 

Either way, it is pointless to talk to her about it again, IMO. Won't achieve anything with that.

 

I understand that these options don't necessarily mesh with modern American concepts of dating, but I have a feeling that you and the type of girls you like would lean more towards my interpersonal style, hence my suggestions as an alternative to the typical PUA stuff that 1337 is talking about.

 

I agree with you in some ways Els, but given how long they've been friends I think he needs to at least mention something. Not just pretend it didn't happen, because she'll get all in her head about every move he makes, thinking he is still desperately in love with her.

 

I don't think it's needs to be a big conversation, but just a mention of what happened and that he's cool to continue as friends.

If I were the recipient, my suggestion in my first post is what I'd want.

[Els]

I agree with you in some ways Els, but given how long they've been friends I think he needs to at least mention something. Not just pretend it didn't happen, because she'll get all in her head about every move he makes, thinking he is still desperately in love with her.

 

I don't think it's needs to be a big conversation, but just a mention of what happened and that he's cool to continue as friends.

If I were the recipient, my suggestion in my first post is what I'd want.

 

I guess I'm wary of the 'I'm fine being friends but if you ever change your mind let me know" talk, because I think that it would at worst lower his chances (if they existed) and at best do nothing much. I think if he just went back to just being platonic friends for now, that would sufficiently reinforce the fact that he's taking the rejection in his stride and is happy just being friends.

 

But, I'm always happy to agree to disagree.

[Lani]

I guess I'm wary of the 'I'm fine being friends but if you ever change your mind let me know" talk, because I think that it would at worst lower his chances (if they existed) and at best do nothing much. I think if he just went back to just being platonic friends for now, that would sufficiently reinforce the fact that he's taking the rejection in his stride and is happy just being friends.

 

But, I'm always happy to agree to disagree.

 

Yeah, I totally get where you're coming from.

 

I've been in the position before though, when I was friends with a guy and his feelings developed and mine didn't. When I realised what had been happening it was awkward, I wished he'd just told me it was getting too much for him.

So I think the part I most agree with in my original post what the 'I'll let you know if things start getting difficult for me', so she knows he'll be honest if he can't handle it anymore.

 

Agreeing to disagree is also fine with me

[Teknoe]

wow, you two make perfect sense in your own unique ways. That's what makes it so difficult about this... when she comes back and when we hang out again... do I bring it up in a fairly casual manner and then let it go... or do I carry on as though it never happened, sort of. Like continuing the friendship as it always was.

 

I guess that call is one I'll make in the heat of the moment. I think there's a lot of truth to both you guys' side of the coin, and it just depends on what kind of girl she is, and where her heart is at. I could be straight up and straight forward, or I could act like I have amnesia... either one might work out well depending on where she's at. I just don't want to scare her off at this point.

[Teknoe]

Hey guys,

My friend has been back for a few days now, and I want to give her some space to recover from the long 5 week overseas trip. Jet lag, adjusting back to home life, etc.

 

I have sent her 3 work related emails in the past 3 weeks. None of which she replied to, but I didn't necessarily expected her to. I didn't ask any questions in them, but rather shared my stories with her (which she told me recently that she enjoys hearing about). Still, even though they weren't "reply necessary" emails, part of me is like "Damn, if she was interested in me romantically then surely she would have said SOMETHING." You know?

 

So I saw her on my chat list just now, and was so tempted to message her "welcome back!" or something, but I didn't. I want to do my best to let her come to me, however long that takes, because I don't want to smother her. I have initiated all the times since my email confession, and I don't want to come across as needy, clingy or desperate.

 

Part of me is conflicted:

 

1. If I don't initiate, the friendship might die. If I don't, I'm not being persistent and I've seen persistence win some hearts. What if I am ruining my chances to win her heart by showing her my commitment level to the friendship?

 

2. If I do initiate, I might be smothering and push her away more, hurting my chances.

 

I am not sure how to feel about this situation. All I know is, I think no contact is not a bad thing right now, simply because the ball was left in her court firmly, and if a girl is interested AT ALL, then she would find excuses to talk to you, and I have given her PLENTY of excuses (i.e. all those emails I sent).

 

So, I guess I'm gonna go NC as long and as best as I can.

Any tips on how to get her out of my mind?

 

At this point, I am realizing that yeah:

 

1. She doesn't see me romantically

2. She probably NEVER will see me romantically

3. I just want her to feel comfortable being my good friend again, without worries that I'm over reading or misinterpreting her friendship as something more

 

I feel like having a conversation with her about this but ughhhhhhhh! NC is best, right? Friendship takes 2 to tangle. I've initiated so much since the confession, I am starting to feel like a bum doing everything and getting so little in return, it's been frustrating. I just wish things could go back to normal but I guess they never will.

 

I hate how high and low I get with this girl.

 

Watch, she'll text me like next Friday and I will be all over her again.

 

Ugh.

[KathyM]

I think if your intention is to keep her as a friend, then going NC is not appropriate. Friends don't do that to each other. NC is what you do to get over a romantic partner in order to move on with your life. You said you wanted to keep her as a friend. Then be a friend, and invite her out to lunch to catch up on how her trip went. But if you are going to keep your sensitivities in overdrive about her and be constantly thinking of her in terms of a potential romantic partner instead of a friend, then you are probably better off to cut your losses now rather than putting yourself through these mixed emotions. It sounds like you are not going to be able to keep your emotions in check with her. I would suggest investing your time in pursuing romantic relationships with other women who have potential, and keep this "friend" on the backburner just to socialize if you enjoy her company only if you are able to keep your emotions in check about her. If not, then NC is probably best.

[Teknoe]

I think if your intention is to keep her as a friend, then going NC is not appropriate. Friends don't do that to each other. NC is what you do to get over a romantic partner in order to move on with your life. You said you wanted to keep her as a friend. Then be a friend, and invite her out to lunch to catch up on how her trip went. But if you are going to keep your sensitivities in overdrive about her and be constantly thinking of her in terms of a potential romantic partner instead of a friend, then you are probably better off to cut your losses now rather than putting yourself through these mixed emotions. It sounds like you are not going to be able to keep your emotions in check with her. I would suggest investing your time in pursuing romantic relationships with other women who have potential, and keep this "friend" on the backburner just to socialize if you enjoy her company only if you are able to keep your emotions in check about her. If not, then NC is probably best.

 

 

Good point.

 

I emailed her an hour ago. Short and sweet:

 

"Hey ___,

Welcome back! Hope you had a blast and that you're adjusting well back to life here.

 

Would like to hear more about your trip sometime

-Tek"

 

Short and sweet. To the point. Asks her to meet up, and left the ball in her court to reciprocate.

 

I do think I can be friends with her and not get all angsty. It's just on message boards that I vent and rant, but I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing in real life when it doesn't work out with a crush.

 

So, we'll see what she says. I'm sure she will offer me to meet up at a ___ time and then I'll go from there.

[Teknoe]

wow, I guess I scared her off at some point. She hasn't gotten back to me yet... granted it's been only 20 hours or so, but I've seen her online since, and like 3-4 FB status updates. Asking for social things.

 

I somehow don't feel bad, though. I think my soul has long gone into healing mode, and I know I'm going to be OK

 

This experience did teach me some good things not to ever do again, though, and for that, I am grateful. While I enjoyed her friendship, it was probably more toxic than healthy, and so, I'm glad it's come to a bittersweet end.

 

#movingon

[KathyM]

wow, I guess I scared her off at some point. She hasn't gotten back to me yet... granted it's been only 20 hours or so, but I've seen her online since, and like 3-4 FB status updates. Asking for social things.

 

I somehow don't feel bad, though. I think my soul has long gone into healing mode, and I know I'm going to be OK

 

This experience did teach me some good things not to ever do again, though, and for that, I am grateful. While I enjoyed her friendship, it was probably more toxic than healthy, and so, I'm glad it's come to a bittersweet end.

 

#movingon

I'm guessing she's trying to slow the friendship down quite a bit so as not to give you the impression there is something more than just a casual friendship, and that is why she is not quick to respond or does not respond to certain Emails. I doubt she'd just cut it off completely, but she is cooling off the friendship, no doubt. In any case, the ball is in her court now as to how the friendship will go. No more Emails, not even work related, unless absolutely necessary, or in response to contact from her.

 

You seem to get along well with these friends you have been having while strictly in friendship mode, and they enjoy your company, but I would suggest changing your dating strategy. Let friends be friends, and instead of trying to turn friendships into something romantic and end up losing the friendship, I would suggest keeping your romantic interests separate from your friendships. My kids (in their 20s) found this out the hard way also. Even if you are successful at turning a friendship into a romantic relationship, once it's over, it's very difficult to go back to being friends. Next to impossible, actually, because there will be hurt feelings from at least one of the partners. So rather than trying to turn a friendship into something romantic, pursue romantic relationships from the start, preferably from sources outside your friend or work group. Go to Meetup groups or singles groups and show a romantic interest from the start. Or strike up a conversation with women you come in contact with and ask them out right away or ask for their number, and keep a romantic tone to the interactions. If you try to befriend them first, they will likely only see you as a friend.

[Teknoe]

I'm guessing she's trying to slow the friendship down quite a bit so as not to give you the impression there is something more than just a casual friendship, and that is why she is not quick to respond or does not respond to certain Emails. I doubt she'd just cut it off completely, but she is cooling off the friendship, no doubt. In any case, the ball is in her court now as to how the friendship will go. No more Emails, not even work related, unless absolutely necessary, or in response to contact from her.

 

You seem to get along well with these friends you have been having while strictly in friendship mode, and they enjoy your company, but I would suggest changing your dating strategy. Let friends be friends, and instead of trying to turn friendships into something romantic and end up losing the friendship, I would suggest keeping your romantic interests separate from your friendships. My kids (in their 20s) found this out the hard way also. Even if you are successful at turning a friendship into a romantic relationship, once it's over, it's very difficult to go back to being friends. Next to impossible, actually, because there will be hurt feelings from at least one of the partners. So rather than trying to turn a friendship into something romantic, pursue romantic relationships from the start, preferably from sources outside your friend or work group. Go to Meetup groups or singles groups and show a romantic interest from the start. Or strike up a conversation with women you come in contact with and ask them out right away or ask for their number, and keep a romantic tone to the interactions. If you try to befriend them first, they will likely only see you as a friend.

 

Words of wisdom, Kathy.

 

I actually signed up for a fundraising Christian speed dating event the end of September. There will be girls I likely have never met before, and will never come across again unless we are mutually attracted to one another. I think this will be a good experience as it will allow me to meet up to 30 new girls, and none of them are friends. We're all strangers and we know we're all single looking for a suitable partner in life.

 

Yeah, part of me does miss our "casually intense" friendship that my crush and I shared, but I also am of the belief things happen for a reason. Sometimes I regret the confessional email, but mostly, it taught me not to ever do it again, and I guess looking on the bright side, my crush and I were definitely better friends than lovers.

 

If I messed up, at least I messed up with someone who wasn't the best match for me. It's my faith that that whole experience will help prepare me for the right lady, eventually.

[Teknoe]

I'm guessing she's trying to slow the friendship down quite a bit so as not to give you the impression there is something more than just a casual friendship, and that is why she is not quick to respond or does not respond to certain Emails. I doubt she'd just cut it off completely, but she is cooling off the friendship, no doubt. In any case, the ball is in her court now as to how the friendship will go. No more Emails, not even work related, unless absolutely necessary, or in response to contact from her.

 

Yeah, no more emails. Some times I am very tempted to send another one, but I know that's just twisting the dagger that I've already inserted in my own heart. I don't know why but overcontacting a girl I like is always one of my weaknesses. I find the littlest connection and have to text that thought to my crush. I am probably a little "too available" for my own good.

 

Kathy, I agree she is cooling down the friendship. Although I'm not sure if I agree with your comment "I doubt she'll completely cut it off." So far, not a single peep from her. Wow. Actions speak louder than words and whereas I thought her initial reply indicated maybe a 5-10% chance ("I would still love to hang out as I love your company + I am not ready to seriously date")... I am a little baffled that she has paid me absolutely no mind since (been about a month). Quite honestly, it stings. It hurts. I never thought she would "stiff" me like this. I guess that's why they say confessions always changes things, especially when one side doesn't feel the same.

 

sigh.

 

I think she'll either:

 

-email me briefly in the next couple weeks or so

 

or

 

-ignore me completely forever from now on

 

either way, she has control, and all I can do is let go of control and let it be how it's going to be.

 

was just thinking if I never confessed, we'd still have our interesting conversations off on the side... something that I enjoyed very much outside of work. It was an intimate close kind of friendship where we jumped freely from topic to topic. I do miss that, and know it will probably never return to that. oh well. ah. conflicted between peaceful and regretful.

[KathyM]

Yeah, no more emails. Some times I am very tempted to send another one, but I know that's just twisting the dagger that I've already inserted in my own heart. I don't know why but overcontacting a girl I like is always one of my weaknesses. I find the littlest connection and have to text that thought to my crush. I am probably a little "too available" for my own good.

I think Emails are best left for long distance friendships or long distance relationships, rather that people you have the opportunity to see in person, unless you're sending an interesting attachment or something you wanted her to see along with the Email message. FB messages/text messages/phone calls are the way to go for people who are close by, but you really have to be careful with those too, because if you are overdoing it, it can come across as pressure, annoying, or desperation, whether the relationship is a friendship or a romantic relationship. I think a good rule of thumb is that if you contact a friend or romantic interest, then you wait for their response before contacting them again.

Kathy, I agree she is cooling down the friendship. Although I'm not sure if I agree with your comment "I doubt she'll completely cut it off." So far, not a single peep from her. Wow. Actions speak louder than words and whereas I thought her initial reply indicated maybe a 5-10% chance ("I would still love to hang out as I love your company + I am not ready to seriously date")... I am a little baffled that she has paid me absolutely no mind since (been about a month). Quite honestly, it stings. It hurts. I never thought she would "stiff" me like this. I guess that's why they say confessions always changes things, especially when one side doesn't feel the same.

 

sigh.

 

I think she'll either:

 

-email me briefly in the next couple weeks or so

 

or

 

-ignore me completely forever from now on

 

either way, she has control, and all I can do is let go of control and let it be how it's going to be.

 

was just thinking if I never confessed, we'd still have our interesting conversations off on the side... something that I enjoyed very much outside of work. It was an intimate close kind of friendship where we jumped freely from topic to topic. I do miss that, and know it will probably never return to that. oh well. ah. conflicted between peaceful and regretful.

Confessing a romantic interest to someone who is a friend is a risk that could turn out a few different ways. It could be positive if the friend also has romantic feelings or would consider a dating relationship, in which case a confession would progress the relationship to a romantic one, or if there is no interest on her part, a confession would make the friendship ackward at best or make her distance herself or cut off the friendship completely so as not to lead you on, which is what happened in this case. Personally, I don't think it works to try to maintain a friendship with women you have a romantic interest in. Either the relationship will need to progress to a romantic level, or will need to end completely. If you stay in the unrequited relationship, whether you've made your romantic feelings known or not, you will just be tormenting yourself, and you will end up getting hurt when your romantic feelings are not reciprocated or when you have to watch the woman getting romantically involved with someone else while you remain just a friend. I think pursuing a romantic relationship from the start, rather than trying to turn a friendship into a romantic relationship makes the most sense IMO. Once you are in the friendzone, it's hard to step out of it.

[KathyM]

What's done is done. Never confess again. Just act next time! As in lights, camera, ACTION!

How would he have taken action in this case? By going for a kiss out of the blue while in the middle of a friendship? That would not have made her have romantic feelings if she only thought of him as a friend. Women are only receptive to kissing from men they have a romantic interest in. Kissing her out of the blue in Tekno's case would have only made it more ackward.

[Teknoe]

Update: We were scheduled to hang out this past Friday. She cancelled the night before, citing "Oops just realized I double booked! Sorry"

 

So I countered with Saturday? She said sure, but somehow, I had a bad gut feeling about it.

 

Sure enough, she ends up cancelling Saturday as well.

 

Her reasoning? Didn't feel well and "to be honest I am an emotional rollercoaster right now. In bed feeling terrible. Sorry to flake on you 2 nights in a row. I don't mean to"

 

The old adage is true: Actions speak louder than words.

 

I was the bigger man and texted her 40 minutes later "Sorry to hear you are feeling down and out. Will pray for you, my friend. Take care."

 

I don't intend to initiate contact with her again.

 

I have lost a lot of respect for her, and don't see me clinging onto the friendship anymore. If she's willing to come around, we can be friends again. But after this past weekend, being cancelled on twice, and late notice on both, I am about done with her.

 

It took a little over a year, but I am finally moving on.

[KathyM]

Good idea that you are moving on. Sounds like she's not valuing the friendship much at all, and is just making excuses because she doesn't know how to end the friendship. It's become ackward anyway. If she's going to blow you off like that, it's best to just drop it. Think romantic pursuits--Meetup groups, singles groups, interest groups, etc., where you ask for a date or phone number early on, and don't put yourself into the friendzone at all. You just end up wasting your time and emotions when you try to befriend these women, if your goal is to have a romantic relationship.

[Teknoe]

Good idea that you are moving on. Sounds like she's not valuing the friendship much at all, and is just making excuses because she doesn't know how to end the friendship. It's become ackward anyway. If she's going to blow you off like that, it's best to just drop it. Think romantic pursuits--Meetup groups, singles groups, interest groups, etc., where you ask for a date or phone number early on, and don't put yourself into the friendzone at all. You just end up wasting your time and emotions when you try to befriend these women, if your goal is to have a romantic relationship.

 

Right. There is a possibility she is just going through a funk, and my confession made her less inclined to see me ... but it is what it is.

 

Looking at her actions, I'm moving on. I got a speed dating event end of the month. Looking to meet some cool new people and make maybe one or two solid connections.