GrUmPy1 Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 people please help me. long but please read. the other day i asked my boyfriend if he could change anything about me, would he. he said he loved me the way i am. i asked again, so if u could make me skinny u wouldnt? (im not a toothpick and i could stand to lose a few lbs but he has always said that he loved me and that it never bothered him) his answer was that he loved me the way i am. he kept saying that over and over but i wanted to hear him say NO i wouldnt, well thats not what i got. he told me i love you the way you are but if i had the magic to do it yes i would. OUCH! I immediately got hurt. he has always said he loves me for me and that i could be 500 lbs and he would still love me, but i just wanted to hear him say no. so obviously he has lied to me all this time and he really does have a problem with how i look. now i dont want him to touch me and i feel like every time we made love he was disgusted by me or that i didnt turn him on. i love him so much but it hurts that he said that. he said that the only reason he said yes is because he wanted me to shut up. i said well if u wanted me to shut up then y didnt u just answer no? he keeps assuring me that he loves me and my body and that he really wouldnt change a thing but i cant bring myself to make love. last nite he tried and i couldnt do it. i started crying. see the thing u guys dont understand it that basically since like i was 8 ive been chubby and ive been kind of insecure about my body, this guy is the one i lost my virginity to last year and it was such a big thing that i was able to let him see me without clothes. he was slowly building my confidence about my body. he would always touch me and say he loved my ass and he would even encourage me to not cover up after we made love, but then he said what he said and with one little comment he took away all my comfort and confidence and not im insecure all over again. i feel as if he's just been acting with me all the time. he tells me he loves me and that he wants to marry me and that he'd die without me but still i cant help but feel this way. WHAT SHOULD I DO? AND DO U GUYS THINK HE REALLY LOVES ME FOR ME?
jellybean Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Originally posted by GrUmPy1 WHAT SHOULD I DO? AND DO U GUYS THINK HE REALLY LOVES ME FOR ME? Yes, I think he really loves you for you.....and remember you cornered him for an answer because of your insecurities, he HAD to say something...maybe it just came out all wrong. I don't think you should worry about this, or allow it to affect what sounds like a good relationship.
RowanRavyn Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Honey, You pushed him into a corner. It sounds to me as if he does love you. I have body image issues as well, but as soon as my honey lays his big ole hands on my, I forget all about that.
bluechocolate Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 the other day i asked my boyfriend if he could change anything about me, would he. he said he loved me the way i am. i asked again, so if u could make me skinny u wouldnt? ......... his answer was that he loved me the way i am. he kept saying that over and over but i wanted to hear him say NO i wouldnt, well thats not what i got. he told me i love you the way you are but if i had the magic to do it yes i would. OUCH! I immediately got hurt. -- You set a trap for him - you shouldn't do that. It's immature & always back-fires. so obviously he has lied to me all this time and he really does have a problem with how i look -- If that is what you want to believe - then believe it. i love him so much but it hurts that he said that You're being selective about what he actually did say & when - did he not also say: his answer was that he loved me the way i am. and he kept saying that over and over and he has always said he loves me for me and that i could be 500 lbs and he would still love me? -------------------------- he said that the only reason he said yes is because he wanted me to shut up. That is the truth.
Sukotto Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 My ex put me in the same corner, she asked if i thought she was fat and I told her that I loved her the way she was and that she had a tiny bit of excess. At that point I got chased around the room was quite amusing, in the end she went on a diet a few weeks later. She had always accepted that she was overweight and had always been determined to do something about it but just kept putting it off. So i signed the both of us up for the gym and she ended up going from 160lbs down to 126lbs. Her only complaint was that she needed to go out any buy lots of new clothes but her confidence increased alot and more guys starting hitting on her, probably why she ended up cheating on me.
Artifact Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Like everyone else said, it sounds like he loves you as much as he says. You did corner him time and time again until he felt like he was not giving the right answer. So, he said something else. On top of just wanting to stop all the questioning (for which he felt his honest answer about loving you was TRUE and exactly what you wanted to hear), he probably said he would magically take weight off you so that YOU would stop worrying about it (and jump on top of him like an animal). Give him (and yourself) a break.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 12, 2004 Posted November 12, 2004 Hey may not be the sharpest tool in the shed for what he said, but honey you really cornered him on that one. his answer was that he loved me the way i am. he kept saying that over and over but i wanted to hear him say NO i wouldnt, well thats not what i got. he told me i love you the way you are but if i had the magic to do it yes i would. OUCH! Did he not say what you wanted to hear? Why didn't you stop there? Are you trying to create discord, or trying to "prove" that he really doesn't love you? Didn't you squish his nutsack the other week? Maybe he's still mad from that? I agree with Arty: "he probably said he would magically take weight off you so that YOU would stop worrying about it"
dangel Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Sounds like his answer was reasonable. Did you ask him if he had a magic wand would he make your legs longer? Why not as long as your imagining? Did you ask him if he had a magic wand would he make himself better looking? He probably would. Big deal. Maybe he did you a favor. I love my wife. She was slightly on the plump side 10 years ago. I never said anything as she proceeded to eat herself from 140 lbs to well over 200. I still love her but she's not as cute or lively as she was at 140.
Dazed and Confuzed Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 well, everyone else has pretty much covered it but also, think this way. No one is perfect. I'm sure the most in love people may still have a thing that if they could change they would consider.
JackieQ Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 there's so much more to you than whether you are fat or skinny... he's got the whole package. and that's what he really does love. none of us have a perfect package... so to speak... question is, are you happy with you... and if not, what next...
Merin Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Darn! You asked him that many times looking for the word "No" "I love you just the way you are." seemed good to me, in fact seemed better than just "No" Honestly, he sounds like he does "love you just the way you are" *pretend I've just repeated that 15x* Jk Jk! He is with you, and I think he panicked when he wasn't coming up with the "right" answer... (the one you wanted to hear) If my SO had asked me something like this (although I've yet to have a guy ask me if his jeans made his butt look fat.. I think it must be more of a girl thing) and I wasn't coming up with the "right" answer.. I would probably look at him like this>> followed by the question "Sounds liikkee..? "
tanbark813 Posted November 17, 2004 Posted November 17, 2004 Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer. It sounds like he was just being honest. It also sounds like he loves you. Let it go.
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