When do people get their stuff back from their ex after a break-up?

[kat1012]

I got some stuff at my ex-boyfriend's home. Nothing expensive, but I still want to have them back as one of them was a gift from my mum.

We broke up like three weeks ago. I calmed down a lot one week after the break up but I was too busy to travel all the way to his place just to get the stuff back. I think I probably will be free next week after my exam.

 

But will it be too weird to go and get my stuff back 4 weeks after the break-up? The only contact we had was me commenting on his Facebook update once few days after we broke up, which he did reply, followed a crazy weird text I sent him (which I now regret sending :/)

[keepontruckin]

Did you dump him, or did he dump you?

[kat1012]

He dumped me. I don't think he even had the guts to properly break up with me. Instead he just became cold and distant for the last 2 weeks and only replied messages that has nth to do w/ our relationship. And it wasn't until I called him up he finally broke up with me. He even said it himself that he was planning to just let it fade out. I asked him so when do I get my stuff back, he said "anytime"

[keepontruckin]

If he said anytime, then get your ***** back now.

 

Go to where he lives and get it.

 

I have experience with this, and what the dumper may eventually do is start throwing your items into the dumpster, like my wife did. They don't value you, or your items anymore.

 

Now, don't go there expecting anything more, because the person you thought you knew no longer exists. Remember, this will be a business trip. Maintain your cool, go in, get your stuff, and get out.

[Lani]

You ask him to leave your stuff outside where you can get it when he's not home.

It doesn't need to be a time when you see him, it's just awkward and sad.

[kat1012]

I know, but traveling an hour to go there and then another hour back sounds too much for me right now, esp with my exam coming up next monday :/

Hope he hasn't thrown away my stuff lol. I thought if he would at least tell me first if he's throwing away my stuff, sounds like I am too positive.

Should I text him first just to tell him I will be coming up to get my stuff back?

(I have never done this, so I don't know the right thing to do :/)

[Lani]

I know, but traveling an hour to go there and then another hour back sounds too much for me right now, esp with my exam coming up next monday :/

Hope he hasn't thrown away my stuff lol. I thought if he would at least tell me first if he's throwing away my stuff, sounds like I am too positive.

Should I text him first just to tell him I will be coming up to get my stuff back?

(I have never done this, so I don't know the right thing to do :/)

 

Wait until your exams are done then.

 

Text him and ask him to get yours stuff together in a box for you, and that you'll contact him after exams to arrange pickup.

Then you ask him to leave it out.

[kat1012]

You ask him to leave your stuff outside where you can get it when he's not home.

It doesn't need to be a time when you see him, it's just awkward and sad.

 

I know I should be moving on. But I am still a bit upset about the fact the last time I saw him (which was 2 weeks before proper break-up), I didnt realize it would be the last :/ It was just a quick goodbye as usual. So at the beginning I felt like I need to see him one last time, not that I wanna reconcile, but I just want a formal face-to-face goodbye. (the break-up was just on the phone). That feeling is not as strong now though.

[Lani]

I know I should be moving on. But I am still a bit upset about the fact the last time I saw him (which was 2 weeks before proper break-up), I didnt realize it would be the last :/ It was just a quick goodbye as usual. So at the beginning I felt like I need to see him one last time, not that I wanna reconcile, but I just want a formal face-to-face goodbye. (the break-up was just on the phone). That feeling is not as strong now though.

 

Bolded is exactly why you shouldn't see him.

You're doing better already, and seeing him will set you back. It won't give you any more closure, it will just open up the wounds again.

 

At the end of the day, you do what you need to do. But I strongly advise you don't see him again if you can help it.

[kat1012]

Plus shortly after break up, I commented on his fb status (which I know I shouldn't have), and soon I realized it may be a bit mean and weird if he went with some female friends too. So I texted him asking if he went with girls, if he did, he could delete my comment if they may feel offended by it. (I added a bit of "haha" and "lol" in between, and now I really regret sending it) He didn't reply. He might get the idea that I am being jealous or trying to see if he's dating anyone, which in fact I was not.

 

I wonder what he will think when I contact him again lol. But I will make sure it won't be crazy, but simple and proper. And I now stop stalking his facebook.

 

He did lay out the friendship card a bit when breaking up, saying we can still hang out during weekends. But now I don't think he meant it.

[keepontruckin]

He's done with you, so you get your stuff out now.

 

It will be a good experience for you. You will see that the man you thought you knew is now cold hearted and distant.

 

It may just help you move on. It worked somewhat for me...

[unexpectedlyhere]

My boyfriend walked out on me. When he left he said when he wanted to pick up his stuff - a few days later when he had a break from work. I left it in bin bags for him. However, there's still tons of stuff left that's sort of shared. He's been completely cowardly (or "respectful"?) through this process and I bet if he could he would leave me to sort out all the crap. So I chose the date of when we will meet and sort it out. It'll be seven weeks from the breakup.

 

It doesn't matter when it is. If you can get away with not really being there together, sort it out at your earliest convenience. Otherwise, be prepared for it to set you back a bit, and choose a time based on when you can have a friend with you or similar.

[tbf]

If these items aren't very large, have him pack them up into a small box and you can arrange for a courier to pick them up.