Sgt. Pepper Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Hey... In May I got out of a 13 month relationship wherein I was engaged. It started off good but became very toxic, largely my fault. It became physically abusive on her end toward the end, physically and verbally, but largely because of me being a zombie and her carrying all the weight in the relationship. It just was toxic. She left me...I pined for about a month and then moved on and found another girl, who on the surface was like her (same likes and whatnot)....We've fallen in love....and I've fixed a lot of the problems within myself that led to my ex and I breaking up. My ex- drunk dialed me a few weeks back, and friend requested me on fb at the same time; I accepted. She was incredibly drunk, her life has gone crazy since she left, she was crying about her life, how her dad doesn't care about her, all these things, how she resents that I fixed myself only after she was gone and that I fixed myself with someone else. Since she left, my ex has become a bit of an alcoholic, become violent, a trouble maker...going out for 12 hour dates with various men, having sex with a lot of men. She likes totally different music then she did previously for all her life, she just is acting like a totally different person in every way in under 4 months. None of this was ever her. She called and said how much she missed my home town--where I live and where I introduced her to--She said calling me made her happy, that it was the only thing that made her happy when she was drunk, even though I'm weird. That I was one of the few parts of her life that made her happy, even though I was a sucky boyfriend....She was near suicidal and incredibly depressed when she called. I tried to be nice, tried to reassure her as she was drunk but she wouldn't listen. She went from being nice, wistful, to nasty (saying I should be beheaded in the street at one point)...I took it. We had a long, very nice conversation on the whole, outside of the nasty moments...and I considered being friends with her....But the fact that I had a new girlfriend, who already knew about this ex (and referred to her as "the dragon lady") and didn't like her made that impossible, plus..after my ex called, I told my girlfriend because I didn't want to hide anything from her, and the fact that she called me drunk and left me shaken as I was really upset my girlfriend and felt it was an intrusion into our lives. I told my ex's mom to have my ex call me back when sober....When she did I explained that I don't know what we can do here, I have a new girlfriend and the fact that you called really upset her...she got nasty and called me an "online pimp" (since my gf is long distance), and said "tell your gf how you look at my fb page everyday" and I slipped in anger and said "we both do, we look at your page and laugh at you and how you're becoming trash" and at that she went nuts, went hysterical crying and screaming, crying like a baby, they had to stop her from taking a knife to herself, she told her mother who went nuts on me and threatened me...then the next day my ex and I (now sober) had a very aggressive and bitter conversation, she was totally confidant and cocky and denied saying most of the wistful things she'd said the night before, and at the end she told me to listen to the song That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore by The Smiths. I listened to it, over and over, how sad it is and realized the depths of misery she's in, the feeling of hell she's in, and I know I helped create it. I want to just write her a note privately and apologize, cause I feel horrible...But I worry that for one she'll go and call the cops or get her mother after me, or that it will be a betrayal to my current girlfriend who I do love and have an amazing relationship with and hurt our relationship.... But at the same time I can't help fighting the feeling that there is a lot of unresolved stuff in her and in this and that I have to do the right thing even at an expense to myself....She and I, for all of our fights and bitterness, we did have a lot of love and emotional intimacy in those 13 months....And really our break up could've been easily avoided if I'd just done a few things. I've done those things but with someone else.....But I didn't mean to hurt my ex in the process. It was just an angry slip of the tongue because I'm not used to drunk dials and I was overwhelmed as it was, my hands were shaking from her being suicidal and everything.....
clairedunham Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 You were a jerk but her behavior has nothing to do with you. Maybe a little. Girls are just more emotional than guys. Well in this situation I guess she adored you. By you treating her the way you did she didn't back off cause maybe she has her daddy issues. Im sorry but you were an ******* and now she has to pick herself up. Its nice you got your **** together but don't speak to her again or anything
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