gdes32 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 A little back story to begin all of this. I met my now ex gf at work. She had started back in January after her sister who was the bank teller where our business makes deposits told me about her. I talked to my manager and got her hired on because she was a good worker. I knew nothing about her but was doing this favor for a friend. Anyhow things sort of progressed at work and we became good friends with all this tension very quickly. I broke one of my cardinal rules and was dating a married woman albeit going through a divorce (had been separated for 8 months) I wanted to stop myself but there was just something about her. Our relationship progressed quickly and by March we were a full fledged couple. She was staying over at my place often. Physically we were very compatible and we really started to click as significant others. Anyhow there was some baggage from the divorce, financially she was in a hole since her still husband preferred drugs over supporting themselves. She is 25 and I am 30 just for reference. Anyhow things were going really well until a few weeks ago when she suddenly became very distant. I asked what was wrong a few times and she said that she was having difficulties with everything going on, going through a divorce which will be finalized in November, financial problems, and a new stressful career. I accepted this and tried to push the thought out of my mind that things were going badly for us. So two weeks ago we sit down and have a talk. She tells me she thought she was ready for a LTR when we started but now she was having doubts. She still wasn't over her husband and she wasn't sure where she wanted our relationship to go. We decided to take a break for a week from one another and to not contact each other for a week. So the week passes by and I give her a call to see how she is doing and whatnot. We share light-hearted chat and agree to talk again the next day which was Friday. On Friday I call her during my lunch break at work to get together over the weekend and decide what we were going to do. She asked how I was doing and how I was feeling about us. I said that I missed her and that I very much loved her and wanted to work through this. That's when she told me that she felt that she needed time and space to work on things in her life. We arranged to exchange our items that we had of each others when I was done with work that night. I arrive there and we sit down to talk. She tells me she still wants me in her life as a friend while she is coping with everything that is going on. I told her that I can't do that right now as I can't separate my feelings for her and that I am going to need time to let go. She said that she understands that but doesn't want me to disappear altogether. I asked her what she wanted me to do now? If I was free to date other people. She said I can do whatever I want though she seemed upset about it. I told her that I'm not planning on it for awhile as I have to move past her and whatnot and she said that if the time comes that when I have moved on to let her know. I said that I could do that and she told me that she would let me know when she was ready for a relationship. That she was still in love with her husband and that it wasn't fair to me that I wasn't getting all of her love all the time. We went outside and had a cigarette and I felt like it was time for me to leave. I didn't want to break down in front of her even though both her and I had tears in our eyes the entire conversation. I walked her to her door, gave her a hug, kissed her on the forehead and told her I would miss her. Fast forward to today and I am missing her like hell but have kept my no contact going. I've tried to keep busy and my mind engaged on books and hanging out with friends. I guess my question is why does she want to know when I have moved on? Is she hoping that I'm going to wait until she figures everything out? Cause I surely don't plan on doing that. I have way too much self respect to sit here moping about her and wishing and hoping for reconciliation. And when I have moved on do I actually call her and tell her? Is this her way of leaving some opening that once I do move on she's going to see if she can get me back in her life? I'm worried that games are being played here. Is this maybe just fear about a failed marriage? That maybe because we were becoming not just her and I but us that scared her off? What scares me is that for the first time in my life during a breakup both parties were genuine and sincere. It didn't seem like I was being lied to about what was actually going on. What she wants is time and space to move on from her husband... I'll give it to her but won't wait for her. Appreciate any feedback and/or advice.
Philosoraptor Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Sounds like she was rebounding, or thought she was ready but once emotions flared up realized she wasn't. No you shouldn't contact her and let her know you've moved on, that's a ridiculous request on her part.
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