Kaidee Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I suppose I'm writing this to widen my perspective of what I'm going through by writing it out, and by reading and responding to your opinions and advice. Please be aware that I love my boyfriend and will continue my relationship with him after we separate housing, so don't come down on him with a giant hammer. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year and a half. He isn't holding up his end of the deal enough and I would be happier renting a room in a shared house with friends(I live in the Bay area where renting an apartment is a couples-only opportunity when you're young and making a moderate living). I still want to be with him because we love each other, but living together is not sustainable. He doesn't have a job. He has one option of a place to go, and that's a family member who offered to let him either sleep on his couch or pitch a tent in the backyard. The house is a few towns over... And his mom is staying at this house as well, who is intrusive, destructive and overly attached. I'm afraid that if he goes there she will undo a lot of the time we both spent together getting into better habits for self sustainability and creating more autonomy from her(she used to be a paralegal, but over the years it has become more trouble than it's worth to ask her for legal help). She gets him into mess after mess by insisting on helping with things and then making things worse than they were (for example: taxes, traffic tickets, etc.)... He has a pretty chaotic life because he's not making solid income and doesn't do things in an orthodox way. Things are more unpredictable than is normal and I want to go back to have a far less stressful life where things are more cut and dry, and I can stick to my plans. I'm not sure how to leave him. He will understand, he has told me before that if ever I thought it would be better for me to live separately he would figure something else out and that he would support me even if he had to sleep under a bridge. He reassured me that he's a survivor and that I don't need to worry about him in those kinds of circumstances. I completely believe him in that he'll be supportive. Not sure I believe him in that he'll figure something else out that's not awful. I just feel like him moving out to that house would be taking half a dozen steps back. I've heard that sometimes you have to let someone hit bottom... but I also know that once you're homeless, it's much harder to get grounded again... Which is why I've been helping him with these things all this time. I love and adore him, and I thought he just needed support to get his footing. He's had all the support he could need for a while now and it's not showing enough results. Although he has made some incredible changes since I met him and he is a far more responsible person, the pace isn't fast enough and I am totally wearing down. Now that I'm looking back, I find it incredible that I made the choice that I did to take care of someone else like this at such a young age. I'm in my mid 20's. Also, I don't have the money in hand, I'd have to keep paying for this expensive place that he was supposed to eventually share the cost on until I can save up to move. It's just reached a peak where I'm worn out. I'm not motivated to work and get things done because I feel resentful that things aren't equal and there seems to be no end. Any thoughts, readers? Please don't be too harsh, he is a good person and he is far from malicious or ungrateful.
Balzac Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Your current lease is in whose name? I'm confused but it sounds as if your plan is to not renew the lease and you'll move in w friends.
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