AlwaysGrowing Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Your husband sounds like a lovely man. Not many men would be so emphatic or willing to forgive so easily. Your husband has a healthy grasp of everything..his lack of any humiliation of the actions of others...is a healthy mind at work. I would probably go the way of them for lack of a better phrasing are "dead to me" approach. You both look through them, no acknowledgement of them in any way. You both carry on with your conversations with others and each other, enjoy yourselves as if they werent there. Don't give them any headspace whatsoever....they are meaningless. 1
BetrayedH Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I can see your H not wanting to conpromise his social life. He's not going to hide his head in shame. Unfortunately if you're going to be around this couple (and other friends) with any kind of frequency at all, there's bound to be some questions from mutual friends about the awkwardness between you and the other couple. If your H in any way wants you to "handle this" because it's not his problem, I'm afraid you'll have to seriously consider exposure (at least to the friends that matter). I would imagine that this isn't optimal for either of you. Thus, trying to gauge how awkward things are going to be (by meeting up with them) starts to sound like a logical decision. Considering how forgiving your H seems to be, I doubt he's really ever going to be in favor of widespread exposure. But I do think your willingness to do so will speak volumes to him about your commitment to owning your mistakes. I think this proposed meeting is probably already a sort of compromise that might help eliminate the need for exposure. The problem is that I can't imagine what that little chit chat will functionally accomplish. What agreement could be made? I mean, would you call them before each party and arrange for them to be there from 7-9 and you'll be there from 9-11? I do remember once during my failed reconciliation that I was going to have to give a presentation and there was a high likelihood that the OM would be in the audience. I shot him a message to ensure that he knew I was the speaker so he could potentially avoid it (which he did). So that worked, but it was a one time thing. I have a hard time envisioning what this looks like for you over the longer term. Do you have anything that would compell them to stay away from you both? Do they fear exposure?
road Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 Actually that is what I thought j'adore was suggesting. I think I have said a million times that he isn't looking to be besties with them. But as he has forgiven me he wants to establish with them some sort of understandin that will take some of the unknown out of being at same gatherings. This has nothing to down grading their friend status. This about NC. No contact, no seeing, no call, no texts, no emails, no mail, no FB, no hearing from 3rd parties. Continued contact is proven to cause affairs to restart. This BH was stabbed in the back in the worse way by the OM and OW. They are a cancer to his life. As a tumor they must be removed. Unbelievable how the BH wants to be in their presence after they had an affair with his WW. I can not remember a BH or a WW that would not trigger by seeing the AP's. 2
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