lizzie_love Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Im gonna try to make this as short as possible Was with my guy for two years of which 1.5 were absolute BLISS ( sure we had our fights and stuff... but normal relationship crap!) we took a 2 month trp about 6 months ago and it was absolutely heaven. When we came back I started a new career job ( that i had been hunting for YEARS) And he later started his new job about 3 months after. I'll start by saying, I grew up in a broken home, my father would regularly mention to me how i should never get married and have kids and i should just focus in my career... hear that enough and you start believing it! So, needless to say when my new job started and i started focusing and stressing about it my relationship took a huge hit. He started pushing for the seriousl talk ( babies and marriage talk) all in the long term and I started repeling the idea to the point i would almost mock it ( awful in my part i know) we started fighting really bad about 2 months ago... and we would try and try... but nothing would stick. I started getting really negative and naggy and overall mean because i was seeing no progress ( and my job is stressfull as hell) to the point one day I had a melt down, we got into a huge and terrible fight ( like the really bad movie ones) and we decided to go on a 2 week limited contact break ( which turned into a break up about 10 days later) The break up came with no fight, no agression, nothing! just two people madly in love walking away. I said to him I thought we could work this out and I did not agree with his decision but I loved him and I would honor his request. I started right away my soul searching path... and i realized all this man wanted was for me to give him his rightful place in my life , and it wasnt that i didnt want to before ( and god knows i tried) but I just did not know how! I was convinced you can either have a career or a family and subconsciously i made it so clear my career was priority and his request to start a family with me in a few years... well basically had to accomodate to my goals ( very selfish of me i have realized). I called about a week later, told him i apologized, I had realized I had made several mistakes and I thanked him for being the adult and making the best decision for the two of us. I told him i had realized i needed to go on a bit of a self discovery journey alone and I thanked him because our break up had facilitated this. I am taking care of my s hit , really digging deep and making myself a better person from it all. although it was not discussed, NC was kinda the logical step therefore other than the time we broke up and a week later the time i apologized we have not spoken texted emailed or anything of sorts. I also deleted my FB in order to put my head on straight without any distractions that can come from what hes doing. Just good ol' Fashion alone time. That brings me to today! I know im doing the right thing and although i do not expect him to give us another chance I cannot help but be hopeful. A great relationship broken because of miscomunication really. my plan is to wait a few more weeks ( at least a full month of NC, about 2 months after the break started) and if i feel ready, i will talk to him and find out where his head is at. We havent even exchanged things which makes things interesting but we will see. As the dumpee... not begging from the beggining, being able to recognize the mistake and work on it ( in reaity cause if its not him... i gotta work on this stuff for my next relationship anyways) would it benefit my chances of pleading my case? I still dont plan on begging and I know, he technically should make contact first.... but im the one who Fd up and i feel he thinks there is no hope for the future he wants with me ( which there really is....) I think i know what i need to do... but hearing other peoples imput is always good! Anyone else in a similar position?
keepontruckin Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 First off, is this something as simple as him wanting kids, but you wanting to focus on your career instead?
hellischrome Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Actually giving him space since the beginning is something really good I should have done. My dumper told me that now probably things would be different if I didn't beg for 2 months trying to convince him he didn't need space. BUT see it as - you are a good and mature person and did things right. Don't hope for anything more than you finding your own way. If he will be in your way again, it will be a wonderful thing. But what comes first now it's you.
Author lizzie_love Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 First off, is this something as simple as him wanting kids, but you wanting to focus on your career instead? Not as simple no! Basically although I very badly want kids and a family one day I honestly never thought I could have both... A successful career and family life! So it's more like me fighting him trying to "domesticate " me.... Which in turn made me come across not so nice That and how stressful my job can be I think.... I just turned very negative !!! ( and he's totally a glass half full kind of guy)
keepontruckin Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Well, I don't know what to say... You two are probably not a good match. Now, look at things this way... I expect my women to work (even if it's just for fun part-time), and I do not want children. I do not have any children, and I do not want them. This is what I prefer, and I am happy envisioning this. The point I make is that there are others out there that may share your views better than he does.
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