AZA Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Hello. I don't articulate or communicate my feelings/situation very well, but I'll try my best. It's my 4th day of NC and I made the decision to cut her out of my life so I could move on. However, it has been very difficult to pick up the pieces of myself. I let her become a part of my identity and now I'm trying to redevelop my self-confidence so I can take charge of my life and be independent again. I don't feel like I have the energy to try working on myself anymore. I still very much want to continue with the goals I have for my career and building a lifestyle. But I don't have motivation to do anything. I have an audio-program for developing self-confidence that has helped me in the past and I want to work through the program again. But when I start listening to it, I sense that I don't have the drive to push forward in my life. It's gone missing. I'm held back by the effects of, I guess, the trauma of being separated from something that made me feel whole. I feel like I've lost so much of myself. I don't want to be all dead inside, I want to feel happy and abundant. But it feels like I'm not ready to pick up again. I don't want to take the time it takes to heal, because I don't want to get stuck and let my goals (and well-being) become only ideas I once had in the past. I need to know what it feels like to have moved on. I can't bring myself on my own to embrace the visualizations of having a good life again. I don't want to be stuck. I don't know how to proceed or how to find the energy in myself to pick myself up. I try to do small things like get out of bed right away in the morning and come on here or talk to online-chat support counsellors. It helps connect me to why I let go. But it feels like I'm unable to grow from this position. I guess it's depression. Can anyone help me? :/ 1
Angry bird Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 You are on day 4 my love. Think of your journey as breaking an addiction. You will have withdrawal symptoms, ups and downs, yearning s, but if you stay no contact, you will not only come out the other end happier, but you will be FREE! You won't need to cling to anyone for validation, and you can enjoy SHARING your life with your next girlfriend without her completing you. No one can complete you anyway. Your ex does not have to be the enemy either. Look at this as a journey. This is the first step toward an evolved "you", a better YOU! That is what relationships are for believe it or not, evolving and growing. I like the idea of listening to affirmations. There are some really good ones on iTunes that I downloaded recently. This is an opportunity 4
JDPT Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Enduring a break up is one of te most traumatic events in life we will ever experience. The agony and uncertainty we experience are beyond comprehension. We often attempt to rationalize the irrational when it's best to let go and let be. You need to find that inner strength to properl yourself, day in and day out. This process is unfortunately innevitable with no easy way to accomplish our objectives just like anything in life. Pace yourself you are in it for the long run. I think you have a fundamental concept as to what it is you need to do in life to move forward. Take this time to accomish all your goals as you are now a few agent. And perhaps you weren't able to in the past as you were in a relationship in which you were subconsciously not happy. Take it easy on yourself, this will be a long ride. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 This is probably one of the hardest parts of life and will define who you are as an individual. Sadly, it doesnt matter how old you are or how many times it has happened before, it still sucks. I had the EXACT same problems as you. I was working for a college football program at the time and was doing a damn good job. Well, after the BU, I went into a deep depression and had NO motivation. I ended up losing my job, my apartment....my life basically. Its been 11 months since the BU for me, and I am still mildly dealing with it, but I regret 1000% losing myself in this. Life is WAY too short AZA to stew in heartbreak. This is the single greatest lesson I can share with anyone on this site. Time heals wounds and you WILL get back to being happy. I know you dont want to take the time to heal, but thats really what is going to heal it fully BUT YOU CANNOT GIVE UP!!! Trust me, if you give up like I did, you will regret it and it will be even more of a burden on you later than this is I ASSURE YOU. In fact, you will be SO mad at yourself for it later once the feelings of the BU subside a bit. I know exactly how you feel, and this is why there are so many songs about heartbreak: BECAUSE IT SUCKS! Do anything in your power to try and heal. If you have a little bit of money, might I suggest some therapy? I'd also suggest a journal and lots of exercise (Yes, exercise sucks because you had no motivation to move, but FORCE yourself to walk or run a bit. It releases neurotransmitters and endorphins that help you feel better). These all seem like generic ways, but honestly they do help...what helped me the most is the site you are on currently. Thats why I still come here even after 11 months. It helps me and I like to share some of my experiences with other people because I remember the first couple of months of a breakup and it was torture. USE THIS SITE anytime you feel like contacting the ex! Keep plugging away! It will get better! 3
Author AZA Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Thanks for the comments. I'll reply to them shortly. But for right now, today is her birthday. I almost want to call her and say happy birthday.
Soat Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 thanks for the comments. I'll reply to them shortly. But for right now, today is her birthday. I almost want to call her and say happy birthday. do not call or contact her in any way for her birthday!!!!
LME Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 stay strong. it takes a lot of time! The first month after my breakup i was a mess. I had so many ups and downs and could not think straight, my self confidence also felt non existent and i am generally a very confident person. You will learn a lot about yourself throughout the next few weeks,i know i did. OVer the past month i have improved so much and looking back i almost laugh thinking of how miserable i was in the month after the breakup. just keep NC and be patient even though its one of the hardest things to do
unexpectedlyhere Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Don't call her. Reply to us instead. You're doing well already because you have goals, you know they are important to you, and you WANT to feel happy and abundant again. Give yourself some time. Also speak to friends who can help you "force" that willingness that you may not have at the moment. Try this (can't vouch for it yet as I haven't read it all myself, but it's promising): The Science of Winning at Life - Lesswrongwiki. Like you're doing (here, with online-chat councellors [where!? So I can bother them too!]), prop yourself on other people to push yourself forward, until you're able to self-motivate again.
Chi townD Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Dude, it's only been 4 days. No time whatsoever. So, yeah! Your self esteem will be in the toilet. Do two quick things. Buy is new clothes. Something sharp and stylish.Then, get a new haircut, something people will notice and like. When people say, "Whoa dude! Looking sharp!" Those little comments will help boost your self esteem. Then, get to the gym. Work out all your frustrations and stress. Plus, you'll be working on that lean and ripped bod that girl are going to definitely notice!!
Author AZA Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 Don't call her. Reply to us instead. You're doing well already because you have goals, you know they are important to you, and you WANT to feel happy and abundant again. Give yourself some time. Also speak to friends who can help you "force" that willingness that you may not have at the moment. Try this (can't vouch for it yet as I haven't read it all myself, but it's promising): The Science of Winning at Life - Lesswrongwiki. Like you're doing (here, with online-chat councellors [where!? So I can bother them too!]), prop yourself on other people to push yourself forward, until you're able to self-motivate again. I use Home | 7CupsOfTea.com. It's absolutely wonderful and I've had great experiences talking to some of the listeners on that website. You are on day 4 my love. Think of your journey as breaking an addiction. You will have withdrawal symptoms, ups and downs, yearning s, but if you stay no contact, you will not only come out the other end happier, but you will be FREE! You won't need to cling to anyone for validation, and you can enjoy SHARING your life with your next girlfriend without her completing you. No one can complete you anyway. Your ex does not have to be the enemy either. Look at this as a journey. This is the first step toward an evolved "you", a better YOU! That is what relationships are for believe it or not, evolving and growing. I like the idea of listening to affirmations. There are some really good ones on iTunes that I downloaded recently. This is an opportunity What affirmations do you listen to on iTunes? I looked some up and there are so many. Can you suggest one of your favourite tracks? -- I was tempted for most of the day to contact her and say happy birthday. I still am a little bit. This is definitely a traumatic experience. The way the memories creep in is unbearable .. I see people posting on here with titles like "11 months NC update" or even 2 years. Does it really last THAT long?! I really hope not. Especially since I was in love with her for 6 years and only got close to her these last 10 months. My story with her is like something out of a movie. I hope I can find love again. I hate feeling so lonely. I've been single for almost 8 years and it sucks. I want to start working out and I want to get out and meet new people, make new friends that also have big ambitions in life. I want to date new girls and rebound hard.
Author AZA Posted August 27, 2013 Author Posted August 27, 2013 I think I'm going to cave tonight........... omg. I feel it
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 I think I'm going to cave tonight........... omg. I feel it Dude stop. Here how it will go down if you text. I swear on my mothers grave. Ready? You: Happy Birthday Her: (1 of two things: No Response or Thanks) You: (If response) So Ive been thinking about you blah blah blah blah Her: Go Away OR IF NO RESPONSE You: (Will get overanxious) I dont know why youre mad blah blah blah Her: Go Away Paraphrasing of course, but THAT is how it will go. Do you want that?
JDPT Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 Bro don't do it, it's not worth it, this is survival. Who is it going to be, you or her? Be strong I know the feeling, I had one earlier today wishing so badly I could hold her and tell her what a huge mistake we made but you know what I did? I jumped out of my couch threw my gym clothes in my gym back and drove to the gym and pushed myself so hard at the gym I totally forgot about the pain and agony I was feeling thinking about my ex. Keep posting, we are here for you don't cave in! 2
Sunspots Posted August 27, 2013 Posted August 27, 2013 My friend. I also had a break-up 4 Months ago. May you be healed and happy soon. Work on yourself, come to the light. We are all kindred spirits. Yours is waiting out there in the mysteries of this existence and you will be ready soon to meet each other. Be thankful for what you gave and received. My experience: I moved on. I did not want. I have strong feelings of love, after a cleansed all the attachments of the post-breakup. I suffered, that's normal. But one need to be aware and make a chance in times like those. Like yours, like mine. I disconnected from my relationship and reconnected to myself. I've sent a call for the universal energy and realised that still my wishes and hopes and dreams are valuable and need to be nurtured. Be creative, my friend, move that stuff right there on your stomach and write me back. Peace and spirit. Simon.
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