Cupid82 Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I met the woman I am in love with about 6 months ago online and I have been in love every since then. The love grew more when I took a vacation out to her city and stayed for 3 months. The other woman is the mother of my 2 children. I really don't have any feelings for her, but I care about her as a person. She is always down my throat and pressuring me to marry her. We had good times in our relationship, but I see her more as a friend. Honestly, when I first met her, I just dated her because I was tired of being lonely. The only reason I am back in the house with my child's mother is because of my kids, but I think about the other woman all the time. She's everything I ever wanted in a girlfriend. The problem is that I feel sorry for my child's mother. Everytime I tell her I want to be with the other woman, she cries and brings up our kids. The other woman wants to be with me too, but the problem is that nobody in my family or my child's mother family likes her. The reason is because I cheated on my child's mother with her and they feel like she is the one that had taken me from my kids for 3 months. So, if me and the other woman was to start a life together, I can't even bring her around my family. But I love her dearly, she have done things that no other woman has done to me in my life. Between my child's mother and my family, I feel like I am in prison until my kids get 18. They control everything I do. With the other woman, I feel more masculine. She doesn't control me, she just gives me a lot of affection and attention without jumping down my throat. My parents are always telling me what to do. My child's mother is always crying and complaining about everything. I did everything a man could possibly do to get a woman to leave and she just will not leave me. I tried to leave her and she threatens to kill herself. If I choose the other woman, everyone will look down on me and say I'm choosing her over my kids. If I stay with my child's mother, I will be forced into a marriage I don't want to be in and be miserable with a woman I don't really want to be with. What should I do?
soccerrprp Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Messy, indeed. Don't marry your children's mother just b/c of the kids. Go after the other woman if you are in love and she loves you. Pay chilld-support and make regular visits/custody time (in other words, be there for your kids) and you should be okay. Good luck. 1
Author Cupid82 Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 Messy, indeed. Don't marry your children's mother just b/c of the kids. Go after the other woman if you are in love and she loves you. Pay chilld-support and make regular visits/custody time (in other words, be there for your kids) and you should be okay. Good luck. See that's what I was planning on doing. I don't even care about paying child support. I love my kids and will support them to the fullest, but everyone else doesn't understand that just because I am away from my kids for a while does not mean I don't love them. If that was the case, I wouldn't be in the house with her right now. My kids are the only reason that keep me here. If I didn't care, I would be with the other woman right now.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 See that's what I was planning on doing. I don't even care about paying child support. I love my kids and will support them to the fullest, but everyone else doesn't understand that just because I am away from my kids for a while does not mean I don't love them. If that was the case, I wouldn't be in the house with her right now. My kids are the only reason that keep me here. If I didn't care, I would be with the other woman right now. Starting a relationship with someone when you are committed to someone else is wrong and hurtful. So the real consequence is that you are going to hurt your GF1. You must have felt more than friendship for some of the time, you had 2 children with her. You should not stay with your GF1 for the children. She deserves an opportunity to find someone who will love and want to marry her. That's obviously not you. It sounds like GF2 lives far away so to be together you intend to go to where she lives? That will mean you won't be in your children's lives on a daily basis anymore? I am sure your family IS concerned about that. Your children should be part of your plan. Can GF2 move to where you are? Everyone deserves to be happy. Your GF1 will move on and find someone else. It does sound like you stepped out on her and that was a crappy thing to do, apologize. You two will need to coparent for the rest of your lives. You and GF2 will have to deal with some fallout...but that's the consequence of having a relationship with someone who is already taken. What sounds most concerning here is your intent to move far away and not be involved with your children anymore (on a regular basis) that is very destructive to them and you should find another solution. I am assuming you cannot fly home every week for visitation?
chicaD Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 See that's what I was planning on doing. I don't even care about paying child support. I love my kids and will support them to the fullest, but everyone else doesn't understand that just because I am away from my kids for a while does not mean I don't love them. If that was the case, I wouldn't be in the house with her right now. My kids are the only reason that keep me here. If I didn't care, I would be with the other woman right now. Dude, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They are not in your shoes and they don't know what they are talking about. You know you love your children and that should be enough. You'll be there for them because you love them and care for them. You don't need to be tied to a person you don't love to do that. On the other hand, however, are you sure you love the other girl? I'm not trying to assume anything and I may be wrong here, but when you describe your feelings for her, it mostly seem appreciation for what she does for you rather than love.
Author Cupid82 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Dude, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They are not in your shoes and they don't know what they are talking about. You know you love your children and that should be enough. You'll be there for them because you love them and care for them. You don't need to be tied to a person you don't love to do that. On the other hand, however, are you sure you love the other girl? I'm not trying to assume anything and I may be wrong here, but when you describe your feelings for her, it mostly seem appreciation for what she does for you rather than love. Of course I love her, it's more reason why I love her. She is a wonderful person and the time I was with her, that was the best relationship in my life. For once in my life I felt like the man that I am. For once in my life I felt that spark in my heart that no other woman has done. I know that she also loves me, because she took a chance with me. She didn't feel comfortable with my situation with the kids and me still being in the house with my kids' mother. She has been understanding and patient with me. The day I finally get to be with her as well as support my kids AWAY from my kids' mother, will be the best day of my life.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 Cupid I am glad you have found someone that helps you be happy. So what's your plan to support and stay in the kids lives? That plan will be the key to getting your family and friends to support you. Formal CS, and custody plan Job, $, visitation How are you going to do it? I think that you need to be honest and frank with the children's mother and not lead her on. Whether it is with this woman or any other you do not want to be with her. You aren't really stuck between two women, right? You know what you want to do you just want people to support your choice?
Author Cupid82 Posted August 26, 2013 Author Posted August 26, 2013 Cupid I am glad you have found someone that helps you be happy. So what's your plan to support and stay in the kids lives? That plan will be the key to getting your family and friends to support you. Formal CS, and custody plan Job, $, visitation How are you going to do it? I think that you need to be honest and frank with the children's mother and not lead her on. Whether it is with this woman or any other you do not want to be with her. You aren't really stuck between two women, right? You know what you want to do you just want people to support your choice? The woman I'm in love with stays 1500 miles away. I plan to move in with her, then we plan to move closer in January. I plan to visit once a month and send money to my kids until I move closer to them. I really don't care if she files child support. I really want to get custody of both my kids. I am still debating if I want to take it to court. When we move closer, I plan to see my kids more often. She agreed to the move to be with me. As far as being honest with their mother, I told her everything but as I stated before, she gets upset and sad when I even bring up the other woman. She claims she hates and everything else and that she doesn't want our kids around her. So, I lead a horse to water but I can't make her drink. I tried to break it off numerous of times and all she talks about is us being a family, but my heart isn't there with her. The only way she will give it up is if I just go along with it. I feel bad when I do, but I tried to tell her so the stinger will eventually come when I leave for good.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 The woman I'm in love with stays 1500 miles away. I plan to move in with her, then we plan to move closer in January. I plan to visit once a month and send money to my kids until I move closer to them. I really don't care if she files child support. I really want to get custody of both my kids. I am still debating if I want to take it to court. When we move closer, I plan to see my kids more often. She agreed to the move to be with me. As far as being honest with their mother, I told her everything but as I stated before, she gets upset and sad when I even bring up the other woman. She claims she hates and everything else and that she doesn't want our kids around her. So, I lead a horse to water but I can't make her drink. I tried to break it off numerous of times and all she talks about is us being a family, but my heart isn't there with her. The only way she will give it up is if I just go along with it. I feel bad when I do, but I tried to tell her so the stinger will eventually come when I leave for good. Cupid, As I mentioned, you need to have a plan. Being able to share a good thoughtful plan will help with your family. To the courts, if YOU initiate CS and custody it looks better. I am assuming then your job is mobile? You can't really blame your GF1 for wanting to keep the kids away from the woman who she sees as breaking up her family. Pay your child support, stay involved with the kids and she will get over it. How old are your kids?
Author Cupid82 Posted August 28, 2013 Author Posted August 28, 2013 Cupid, As I mentioned, you need to have a plan. Being able to share a good thoughtful plan will help with your family. To the courts, if YOU initiate CS and custody it looks better. I am assuming then your job is mobile? You can't really blame your GF1 for wanting to keep the kids away from the woman who she sees as breaking up her family. Pay your child support, stay involved with the kids and she will get over it. How old are your kids? I have an 11 yr old and a 10 month old. And yes my job is mobile, I am a landscaper and I have clients everywhere. I will do my best to initiate child support and custody, but I am afraid my child's mother might try to make up some false information about me and the other woman to get to me involving my kids.
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 28, 2013 Posted August 28, 2013 I have an 11 yr old and a 10 month old. And yes my job is mobile, I am a landscaper and I have clients everywhere. I will do my best to initiate child support and custody, but I am afraid my child's mother might try to make up some false information about me and the other woman to get to me involving my kids. The best thing you can do is to do this the right and legal way. Official through the courts. Courts will base on facts and unless your OW or you have a criminal history, the court will want you involved in the children's lives.
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