Art Vandalay Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 (edited) My ex Girlfriend (19) broke up with me (21) two days ago and I was hoping I could get a little input on the situation. Sorry if it seems too long. I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to read it. My ex girlfriend and I had been dating seriously for about a year, but we’ve been good friends and flirty with one another for about the last 2.5 years. When we first started dating (Summer of 2012) she was going into her senior year in high school and I was about to enter my junior year of college. She lived at home with her parents and I lived in my college town about 30 minutes away, so it was semi long distance but not too bad. For the first few months I would visit her about twice a month or once every 3 weeks, somewhere in that range. We started to get pretty serious, saying we loved each other and talking about the future around December of 2012. At that time she decided to go to college at the same college I attend, and I was told by her friends that being with me was one of the main reasons for her decision. Things were going great for us until about February, when the topic of her senior prom, which was to take place in may began coming up. Out of the blue she broke up with me, saying she wanted her space for the rest of her senior year, but that she thought we could still be together when she came to school in the fall. I was shocked, and I was not ready for it. I still loved her and was persistent in trying to get her back, and it worked, after a few weeks she called me crying saying that she needed to see me and that she was so sorry for ruining everything, so I took her back, this was in march this year. After that incident I began seeing her more often, I tried to make it down to see her every weekend. Once summer began our relationship began getting more serious. We became totally dependant on each other’s love. We would always talk about how hard it is to only see each other once a week but that it would all be worth it once we were together in college in a few months. That became our main topic of conversation, “Just wait till school starts” “I cant wait for school to start” type of thing. So, the day finally came for her to move in and I was so excited! She was pretty busy with all her freshman orientation activities that day so I only got a brief moment to see her during the day. During our conversation I told her how excited I was to celebrate with her that night, and I asked her what she wanted to do/go. She was very standoffish and told me she didn’t think she could hang out with me, and that she was going out to a frat house with her friends. This turned into an argument; I didn’t really understand why she wouldn’t want to hang out now that we were finally together. She called me later that night (3 days ago) drunk crying and telling me she didn’t want to be in a relationship any more and that we were getting too close. I attributed it to her being drunk so I called her the next day to meet up and talk. During this talk she broke up with me, saying she needed her space again, and she wanted the freedom to be able to be with other people when she went out to party, and the freedom to grow by herself. This break up caught me so off guard, we had been so in love and this was the moment we had been waiting for for months. And suddenly it was over before it had a chance to begin. I just really can’t understand it, our relationship was so good, she even told me when she broke up that she still loves me and will always love me and that i was a perfect boyfriend, and that the decision had nothing to do with me. Does anyone have any advice? TL;DR – dated my ex for the last year. We were both excited about here coming to college where I go. Out of the blue breaks up with me the day she moves in telling me she needs space. Edited August 25, 2013 by Art Vandalay
LostOne08 Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 I would say, as much as it hurts, to just move on. You still have your last year of college left to enjoy. Experience that and all the freedom you have without being in a relationship. It will be tough, but you have to respect that she wants to be on her own. So, you should be on your own as well. It sounds like both of you are still young and trying to figure out the world. It also sounds like the two of you might be a little too dependent on each other. If the love is truly there and you both go off to have other experiences without each other, I think you'll find your way back into a relationship. If not, it was a learning experience. You have to look at this as an opportunity to enjoy the end of college. Give her the space and take your own. Good luck.
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 29, 2013 Author Posted August 29, 2013 Today has honestly been the worst day i've had since the breakup, this morning has been awful. She reached out to me on monday to tell me how sorry she was and that she still loves me and that she considers me her best friend, i stupidly replied telling her that everything is ok and she's my best friend too. i havent seen or heard from her since then, aside from her liking a picture of mine on facebook yesterday. i just want to call her and tell her how much i miss her but i know thats such a bad idea. i have no one to talk about this kind of stuff now that she's gone, she was the one person i could tell everything to... She honestly was my girlfriend and my best friend. honestly a wreck this morning
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 SO my ex just texted me asking when my last class ends. This is the first contact since we broke up officially on monday... Should i not respond? it seems like she might want to meet up for some reason. i'm thinking of sending her a reply: "why?" or "3:00, why?"
malin819 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 dont even respond it will set you back to square one been there done that:laugh: 1
drdre Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 Don't reply to this first one. If she really mean business she'll try again and you can decide then if you want to give this another go.
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 yeah, i'm mostly just curious about her intentions. we left off on pretty good terms (her terms). haha. like i'm not interested at all in going and grabbing a friendly lunch or anything. Thats why i thought just asking "why?" might be a good response.
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 she just texted again: "Actually...it's ok, don't worry about it" what the eff?
malin819 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 she is just fishing for a response. Wait and don't anwser
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 i texted her back: "ok.." to which she responded that she wanted to me me and that she needed my help. That shes confused but then went on to say she doesnt think she should have contacted me because she knows its hurting me
Zahara Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 She can find help from someone else. She was just throwing bait for attention. 1
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 30, 2013 Author Posted August 30, 2013 This is honestly the hardest text i've ever had to ignore. My whole being is screaming to tell her i want to meet up and talk. But i know that the talk probably isnt going to go the way i want it to, and after its over im just going to be heartbroken again. Damn this sucks. because i can honestly tell she is so confused and i want to talk to her and tell her i'm there for her.
tart6245 Posted August 30, 2013 Posted August 30, 2013 You'll be back at square one. Don't respond. She will just use you as her emotional tampon and slowly let you go.
Chi townD Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Blah... she went fishing and got you on the hook. Next time, don't take the bait. 1
Author Art Vandalay Posted August 31, 2013 Author Posted August 31, 2013 well here's what happened. we ended up meeting up and she told me how sorry she was and that she made a poor/rushed decision to break up with me. She said she wanted to work out our problems and get back together. i told her we need to take it slow to start back off and she agreed. So thanks for all your advice. i realize that strict no contact is a necessity for most situations but at least for now this seems to have worked out.
Misfortune Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 well here's what happened. we ended up meeting up and she told me how sorry she was and that she made a poor/rushed decision to break up with me. She said she wanted to work out our problems and get back together. i told her we need to take it slow to start back off and she agreed. So thanks for all your advice. i realize that strict no contact is a necessity for most situations but at least for now this seems to have worked out. Good luck.
malin819 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Think about it very well. I got dumped by my ex 3 times. First one she ****ed one dude the bext day and came back a week after. Second one she ****ed 2 dudes and came back 3 weeks after the BU. Now third time is fresh (couple of weeks) and I just learned she is banging a dude. She broke NC a few times and asked me to be friends but you need to set the bar. I know she will come back eventually but I have learned my lesson.
BC1980 Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Just take it slowly. Don't let her know she can just have you back so easily.
noble Posted August 31, 2013 Posted August 31, 2013 Although I will in no way be commenting on your issue I couldnt help but appreciate the Seinfeld reference with your username and wanted to acknowledge its awesomeness. 1
Author Art Vandalay Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 So l have been no contact for 4 days since we broke up last Friday (for the 3rd time). This time was much angrier than the past few times. Last night her friend dropped off a bag of my stuff while l was away at class. This made me remember that l have some of her stuff laying around as well. l would just do the same thing and just have someone drop off her stuff, but she lives in a dorm which l, or any of my friends wouldn't have access to since we dont live there. So basically my question is: Do l text her asking her how she wants me to get her stuff back? Do l wait till she asks for it?
AnyaNova Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Take it from me, who just broke NC for what seemed like a really, really good reason. Don't. Put her stuff in a box, label it, and UPS that sucker away so that you never talk to her or see her. I know I've said this a time or two before recently on these boards. But seriously, I would consider dipping my hand in acid before contacting my ex again. Ultimately healthier, less painful, and more rewarding in the end. Comprende? Stay strong. It blows chevres. You will make it through this.
Author Art Vandalay Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 the thing is l don't know her actual address since she lives in the dorms. So l cant just just mail it to her, and l would just forget about it and keep the stuff but l have her camera, which l feel like is something l shouldn't just keep.
reddragon588 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 the thing is l don't know her actual address since she lives in the dorms. So l cant just just mail it to her, and l would just forget about it and keep the stuff but l have her camera, which l feel like is something l shouldn't just keep. Just do the same thing she did and have a friend take it. Don't contact her.
Never Again Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Just do the same thing she did and have a friend take it. Don't contact her. THIS. Seriously. The less contact you have right now, the better. 1
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