Have anyone experienced something like this?

[EliteAlee]

After one year and months of relationship ,suffering,falling in love,helping eachother, developing an emotional connection, enjoying, feeling important.

 

After living all of this, i found out my SO wasnt who she claimed to be, i searched and searched and at the end i found out the girl on the pics was someone else and the girl i was talking to wasn´t a 19 years old girl, but yes a 14 years old one, who was the cousin of the other girl.

 

Im completely destroyed right now, i saw this coming but the truth its i was so in love with this person that i ignored all my common senses and the facts.

 

I just feel a hole in myself, i see the profile of the other person (real girl on the pics) and i just dont know how to manage this, i was loving someone who will never ever know.

 

At the end the young girl explained to me all, and now i can tell you how the people that appear on catfish feel, it really sucks.

At the end i forgave her but the truth is isnt that easy to just move on.

 

Have you guys experienced something like this?

Edited August 25, 2013 by EliteAlee

[todreaminblue]

Its why i dont like the internet dating thing....you never know.....and in your profile you say everything you are looking for to try and attract the right type of person and they parrot it back until they feel like the perfect person for you...its all crap..you are blessed it wasnt a man who was exploring his femininity it could have been worse for you....14 year old girl is pretty bad though ...move on you didnt love her you didnt know her or who she was...a victim of the interweb of deceit...............be lucky you know and are still not in the dark.......a lot of women use fake profiles to protect their privacy........or to stalk certain types of men........best wishes...meet someone in the real world who really are who they appear to be...even then...ok i am cynical today...bad day for me..no blue skies for me today..........best wishes...i really do hope you have better luck next time......deb

[EliteAlee]

Yes you are right i know there would be more girls and that i wont die alone, about the girl being a girl you are correct too, im sure i would feel way more shi@"$ if it resulted being a man, i always knew there was something wrong, i was expecting a different age but never a different person.

 

But this feeling its just one of the worst feelings i have ever had, because after all this time you develope a big feeling for the person in the pics, you fall in love and start dreaming all day about that person, thanking life to put her in your path, you dream of hugging, kissing, cuddling, having a life together, start taking your hopes really up and when you find out something like this its just one of the worst feelings ever.

 

I really never had problems finding relationships in real world, but when this girl came into my world, i was having such a bad time and she just gave me the will to fix things and changed my mood, but at the end the truth is you are in love with the person of the pics, the things you knew about the other person, like age, i would never date a 14 years old being 20, even thought at the end she said "all was truth except my age and the pics, i do love you".

 

You cant just keep going because its simply not who you want.

Edited August 25, 2013 by EliteAlee

[todreaminblue]

:0(....i was really feeling cynical on the board until i read your heartfelt reply to my post and your thank you...i am sorry this happened to you ...i can sense you are hurt.....really hurt......truthfully

 

 

teh only way to have a real relationship is to know a person in real life, soem peopel find it hard, i do , but it isnt anyone else's fault i find it hard, i know what i need and i have to wait till i find someone suitable to date, i really dont date......i have friends that turn into relationships adn that si what is suited to me...they get to know me, are open to the fact i am different and are willing to try anyway...most of my relationships are life time ones.......thats the way i have to be........

 

 

you just need to know what you want and really need to be happy and wait till you meet that person, there are people who will always fidn ti difficult to meet others...i am one too........i dont have a lack of offers ....just not suitable for me so i dont mess around with others hearts i am straight up ......find out what your true passions are and join groups where you can express them.......embrace what you love....and then, someone who loves what you are passionate about will have common ground with you...you can start up cponversations that are passionate and fun, you can be excited and have it mirrored back.....and the world shifts a little on its axis for you when this happens....find your place on the planet with people who share your beliefs and passions...and its blue skies for you..i wish you well, and you know what else

 

 

....thank you from me to you...hugs to ya..goin to slink off and be cynical elsewhere on the board...........with a little bit of a softer heart thanks to you..:bunny::bunny:deb

[EliteAlee]

I think there can be relationships online/offline but only when both sides are completly honest.

 

In my case i wasnt looking for this relationship, we just clicked, and things started feeling pretty good, it was one of those days when you think "Finally something good happens to me".

As i told you i never had problems to find a relationship, not being cocky, i would just call myself "lucky".

 

But yes, i think im going to re-organise my life and stop with dates for a pretty long time, just focusing on my studies and my family.

 

Btw i see lots of visits, but not that much answers, please people feel free to give me any advice of how to deal with this feeling or opinion of what you think, thanks in advance.

[justwhoiam]

i found out my SO wasnt who she claimed to be

You shouldn't call anyone you have never met SO. You are 20 and need to set this rule. I'm sure you'll watch out more after what happened.

 

I just feel a hole in myself, i see the profile of the other person (real girl on the pics) and i just dont know how to manage this

1) You should tell the cousin in the dark, so that this catfish girl will be given a good telling-off. Tell her the little girl is a minor and you won't file for anything, but ask for her correct data: name, last name, home address and school she's attending.

2) Tell the girl how disappointed you are, that you now have all her personal data, and you can track her down. That it was a hard blow and you are very mad at her. Don't engage in conversation with her anymore. If she writes to you, ignore and move on.

3) We've all been 14, and we've all made mistakes. I couldn't have done such a thing, even if I had wanted to... I mean, there was no Internet back then, no FB, no profiles, no stealing identities over the web... It was a foolery and I guess she couldn't fully understand the extent of it, as she's only 14. And her parents are in the dark too, they should have paid more attention to what this girl was/is doing.

4) Don't feel too bad about the age difference, it's more or less the same as between my man and I; in the beginning of our relationship, he would say he couldn't have dated me when he was in his 20s, but lately he had a change of heart. He saw pics of me of when I was 14 on the beach with older girls, and he liked me... Don't think it's creepy, in some pics I looked like I was 17 and would hang out with friends in their early 20s.

 

i always knew there was something wrong, i was expecting a different age but never a different person.

Maybe you can share how you got to that conclusion about her. What were the red flags? That might be useful to other people who are in your same shoes and are not aware of that.

 

now i can tell you how the people that appear on catfish feel, it really sucks.

I bet.

[justwhoiam]

No, no don't do this. This is not only creepy and irrelevant, but could certainly be misconstrued as threatening.

I don't think it's creepy after what this person did. And not irrelevant either, because - as far as we know - she might still be using her cousin's identity. We don't even know if she's her cousin, and/or whether everything she said is actually true or not.

 

If a little girl was using your data, wouldn't you want to know? I would, especially if it's a relative.

 

Also, knowing someone has her real data and can file an identity theft report with the police could definitely prevent her from doing it again.

[EliteAlee]

Well before we stopped all communication, i asked her to answer to all my questions, its just that when something like this happens you want to know why and who, and when, and everything, at least i felt that way.

 

The problem with this is that she lives in KSA (Kingdom of Saudi Arabia) and her family its conservative muslim, when asked her about all the things she said to me, she cleared that everything time she told me her dad hitted her was real and that her brother hitted her twice too, she cleared that when she told me they wanted to marry her to a guy around 24 - 26 was real too but that luckily the guy refused because he isnt conservative, just as extra info this guy is her cousin.

I do got her adress, i got the facebooks (Im sure they are the real ones) of her 3 brothers, her dad and her mother, but she begged to me to not contact any of them or her cousin (the girl on the pics she used) because she would get into real problems, not a hit, or a scolding but real beatings, as her dad is always looking for a reason to say "she is ashaming the family".

 

Maybe you can share how you got to that conclusion about her. What were the red flags? That might be useful to other people who are in your same shoes and are not aware of that.

 

Well normally im pretty smart, i tend to analyze everything as i dont like to take unnecesary risks, but this time i did and well it ended pretty bad.

As red flags i could say:

 

Stories and info: I always tried to remember everything she told me, and more the little details, so on another time i could ask her and she tended to not remember correctly.

 

The way of talking and typing: I always felt i was talking to someone younger than 18 - 19 and when we used skype for calls the way she told me many things, it was like making big deals for things that i know teens do make big deals, but someone more of my age wouldnt or in case she does she would manage them in a different way.

 

About difference of age i may say when i was younger 17-18 i dated a girl of 14 she looked 15-17 because she was already more advanced on her facial and body characteristics, but at the end i broke up with her because differences on the way of thinking, thats why i with 20 years would never date someone under 16, no more than that.

Edited August 26, 2013 by EliteAlee

[CherryT]

Nope. Never experienced anything like this. I don't believe in on-line relationships. I am in a LDR but see my SO at least 2 times a month. I don't believe you can really get to know someone unless you meet them. I'm not naive and I'm more concerned about meeting a sociopath serial killer than meeting someone I 'love' but never met.

 

"I was loving someone who will never know". Well, no. You loved someone who looked like her, but the personality was the girl whom you forgave and was something she fabricated. Perhaps it's her real personality and that she is insecure with the way she looks... but 14 years old is WAY TOO YOUNG. Where are these kids parents?

 

I think you should just drop her. Drop this whole relationship and start to heal. Yes, it sucks that the rug was ripped from right under you... but you're so young and you have more people to meet (in person). I don't befriend compulsive liars and definitely wouldn't give my heart to them. I know you think you've fallen in love, but you've merely fallen in love with what was presented to you... and it only a very small portion of it may actually be real.

 

You will heal from this.

[EliteAlee]

Yes she told me she grabbed her pictures because it is someone she idolized because to her eyes she is the most gorgeous girl she knows.

 

I did finish any contact with her, even when she asked me if on the future she feels alone or is having a really bad time she could talk to me.

But i refused, isnt i dont care for her, but i just cant talk to her again, i dont wish her any bad but i just cant talk to her, im already having a bad time stopping my crush to the girl on the pics and understanding it was all a lie.

That i just dont feel like listening to her, i know it sounds horrible, but the truth is that i have no obligation to do such thing, i know her life sucks with all the background she gave to me, but im not her bf or wanting to be it, nor her friend or wanting to be, i sincerly dont want to hear problems of someone who made such thing to me, horrible, yes but thats how i feel.

 

I know i will heal, but having one year linked to the image of this girl and feelings linked too, its just something i cant dissappear from one day to another.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Wow that blows. People should pump the breaks on how emotionally entangled they get with people they have never ever met in real life. It's also a bit odd to claim someone as a partner whom you've never even met.

 

I don't do online dating anymore but my worst cases of hidden truths involve two married men who didn't feel the need to express this & one man who had only 3 teeth and was full of crap. Lol the no teeth guy (in his pics smiled w/o showing teeth) was the first guy I met online and I went with a bunch of my girlfriends and I was like 17. Young and too adventurous. After that I made everyone webcam me before meeting in person and verify they had all if not almost all 32s. LOL. Both the married guys were separated from their wives hence me being able to sleep over one's house (we dated for like 8 months though not seriously and his wife had a baby by another man; she is black african, he is black african but the baby is mixed hence no possibility of it being his) and the other we met only one time in person and chatted until the wee hours for months.

 

I am not anti-online since I don't do it anymore but I definitely advise people to proceed with care. Some of the best people I know right now I met online and though it didn't work romantically, they made awesome friends. Good luck!

 

 

After one year and months of relationship ,suffering,falling in love,helping eachother, developing an emotional connection, enjoying, feeling important.

 

After living all of this, i found out my SO wasnt who she claimed to be, i searched and searched and at the end i found out the girl on the pics was someone else and the girl i was talking to wasn´t a 19 years old girl, but yes a 14 years old one, who was the cousin of the other girl.

 

Im completely destroyed right now, i saw this coming but the truth its i was so in love with this person that i ignored all my common senses and the facts.

 

I just feel a hole in myself, i see the profile of the other person (real girl on the pics) and i just dont know how to manage this, i was loving someone who will never ever know.

 

At the end the young girl explained to me all, and now i can tell you how the people that appear on catfish feel, it really sucks.

At the end i forgave her but the truth is isnt that easy to just move on.

 

Have you guys experienced something like this?