AnyaNova Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 Yeah. He broke up with me a month ago just about when we were going to hit the two month mark. I thought I could play it cool, and still maintain contact. I thought I had enough control that I wouldn't leave a tiny corner of my brain with hope that unknowingly metastasized. But the closer we got to actually spending time together (as opposed to the phone calls and messages) the worse I felt. I decided to go the NC route. It was especially difficult the next day (and still is somewhat these days after) due to 1) His tone of voice on the phone at one point in our conversation. after I had broken down on the phone (I thought I could keep my cool, ha!) and he waxed quite eloquently (while crying) with that emphatic and impassioned tone men only use when they have feelings for you, about how much seeing me hurt, hurt him. 2) The fact that after I regained my cool after that conversation, we had a great last real conversation where everything was pretty much just like it was when we were on the phone at the beginning of our relationship when everything was great, our voices, our little "phone rituals" our laughter. I thought when I hung up, that it was good that we began the NC (we do intend on being friends after it is over), with such a great last conversation. But it was like a splinter that gets infected. It hurt knowing that we could still easily recapture the fun that we had. It hurt hearing him talk about me as if he really cared about me and had feelings for me. And do you know, there is this stupid part of my brain that keeps insisting? hoping? that he might just swoop in and decide he was wrong to break up with me, and that we could try to make it work. It is very difficult to make myself face the fact that he is not coming back, at least, never in that manner again. I think part of it is that I am a very shy introvert, and it is really difficult for me and it takes so much time to build romantic relationships and so when one is lost, it just seems so hard to even think about building another one. Thanks for reading this long post. I just simultaneously want to get the you know what over him and want him to come racing back to me to tell me he wants to try again. 1
Brown-Eyez Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 hang in there.. the road will get rougher before it gets smoother The exact same thing happened to me and I too am very shy so my hopes for romance in the future feel small. Most of my no contact (until just recently) has been waiting for him to come to his senses. It was only yesterday that I began to realize that he is not going to change his mind (at least not in a time frame that will help me from this hell now) and I'm slowly letting go of hope of his return...they say that is when the true healing begins. I'll let you know if that happens (weak smile). We have it particularly hard because we were in the midst of still idealizing our great romance and to have it so abruptly severed is really really painful.
Author AnyaNova Posted August 25, 2013 Author Posted August 25, 2013 I know that I am starting to get my head above water, because when I imagine him coming back and doing all those things I want him to do, it doesn't feel good, it just hurts. Which means all those brain chemicals are coming back into alignment and no longer is the thought of him a "hit" on the old oxytocin and happy brain chemicals addiction line. But I still miss him and still want him to come and put his arms around me and tell me everything's going to be all right. Even when I know its not. I am sorry you are going through this too. Getting to the point right past the denial stage really sucks.
Knoxpwns Posted August 25, 2013 Posted August 25, 2013 I think part of it is that I am a very shy introvert, and it is really difficult for me and it takes so much time to build romantic relationships and so when one is lost, it just seems so hard to even think about building another one. If it makes you feel any better, I'm a shy introvert too. The difference is I'm a guy, and I'm the expected to initiate everyhing! When you are shy, it's cute. When I'm shy, its creepy, weird, and super awkward! It could always be worse. You'll be fine out there
hellischrome Posted August 26, 2013 Posted August 26, 2013 It was only yesterday that I began to realize that he is not going to change his mind (at least not in a time frame that will help me from this hell now) and I'm slowly letting go of hope of his return...they say that is when the true healing begins. I'll let you know if that happens (weak smile). True. I know I am only in day 5 but we have been NC or LC before and I was always there hoping and waiting. I think I am starting to realise that he won't come back, and if he will it won't be anytime soon given the situation (his heart is broken in two, me on one side, his EX on the other). So yes, I think time is the answer but also understanding. We need to understand that our brain remembers all the great things but if we are in this situation it's because there were problems, and unfortunately this is the solution. The faster you will realise the following, the better it is: Go on with your life. Start to build a new you. If he will come back, he will find a new person ready to start again, much more attractive because not needy or clingy. If the won't come back, you will be well on your way to find someone else who will discover a totally new you as well 1
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